How to Navigate Teenworld...

[BaconAndAvocado]

DD is almost 15. She's doing ok at school, has a vibrant social life and is healthy.

We also have two older DCs, both boys.

I'm finding it very hard to bond with her lately.
She can be rude, surly, arrogant, angry, inexplicably upset.
I never experienced this with my sons.

She thinks the world and her family is against her.

When she's like this I lose patience very quickly, walk away and then she accuses me of being a bad mum.

If she is particularly rude, she will apologise so that's a blessing I guess.

I really want to spend more time with her but it can end up being unpleasant. She's always looking for an argument.

How long does this phase last???

It's a phase. DD is just shy of 16 and I found in the last couple of months she matured a lot and the mid-teen rudeness has gone down.

I put it down to the first year of GCSEs, too overwhelmed with everything, still growing up and finding her way. She also felt too pressured to make final decisions about 6th form and her general future and her behaviour was a way to object/rebel about it.

She was in therapy for anxiety and suspected ASD and her therapist explained a lot about teenage growing up and behaviour outside being ND and it definetly helped understanding and setting bounderies (for her and us).

Thanks reluctantbrit
I guess I know it's a phase....it's more about the right way for me to respond to it.

I find that I get far more upset than she is sometimes!

Although last night she came to me upset about a friendship issue and we talked and hugged and I think I helped her. I felt like a good mum, whereas a lot of the time I have no idea what I'm doing and I never feel like I get it right.

@BaconAndAvocado
I struggle with this too.
DD15 can be very moody..she does have a few issues too which makes me tread all the more around her.
I know I need to lift her mood and reduce her anxiety but I often struggle to do so.
Her body language and facial expressions often tell me "I am closed for interaction" and I find it very hard to get through..
It does make me sad also frustrates me and I often get fed up and angry myself.
I then decide its better to walk away and say nothing rather than say something negative or make things worse and upset her even more...
No wise tips from me I'm afraid..you are not alone..
Take each day is what I try to do

Thanks DarkChocHolic
I too do a lot of walking away!

It is difficult. They are too old for typical punishments for being rude but not old enough to really get the issues sometimes.

Walking away is often the best but I found that I then vent on DH and poor guy is caught in the middle. It doesn't help that I am peri-menopause and highly emotional as well.

But then - like you said - they have their moments where you think, you must have something right and there are hints of sensible people coming through.

My sister had 3 teen girls but a lot earlier, so she didn't had her hormones in overdrive when her girls went through teenagehood. I don't think my BIL would still be sane then.

reluctantbrit I feel your pain, I'm menopausal!
There are too many hormones flying around this house with me and 2 teens!!

Bump

Hi.
I know how you feel, 2 girls and 1 boy and on my own.Older mum, had my 1st child when I was 39.
I also noticed my health was declining and realised it was due to stress of worry and the arguments.

Then I stopped I said no more. I told them you have a roof over your head, food in the cupboard and cloths on your back. But I will not live with no respect and no help around the house. So I ignored them ate by myself.
Watched my movies. Gave them no money, removed internet, no clean cloths. 4 days I did this. And it worked. They know I won't argue, I will ignore them. They will learn by their mistakes.
And now we talk like adults. And I'm alot calmer.