Boyfriends staying over

[Mrsharrington]

DD has a bf. Her first. She’s 17, he’s 18. We’ve had the contraception talk with her. Pretty sure they are sexually active. She wants him to sleep over. Do I let him? I suppose no reason why not. Not entirely thrilled at the idea of them having sex in my house but where else can they go?

Bit concerned about our thin walls.

any advice about how to make it as least awkward as possible?

I’d much rather they were shagging in a safe comfortable environment than in a car in some dodgy car park or in a freezing field somewhere. If we take it as a given that they’re having sex saying no just makes it more likely that they’ll engage in more risk taking behaviours.

They can shag in the safe and warm at home without sleeping over.

I’d much rather they were shagging in a safe comfortable environment than in a car in some dodgy car park or in a freezing field somewhere.

It isn't exacly parental responisibility to provide a warm nest to shag. And what is wrong with having sex in a car?

Yes, we have this situation exactly. @JazbayGrapes , if my child is sexually active, I'd rather it be in a safe and private place, but to each their own.

I have a 16yo dd. Her bf has stayed twice now but not in the same room. This was agreed with us and his mum as I spoke to her beforehand to make sure we were both in agreement. Im sure this will change over the summer but to start with it's what we thought was appropriate. Normally they get the train or bus home but it's quite a journey so sometimes staying over is more convenient. The are both happy and respect the arrangement. As someone else mentioned, he fits in well with us a family so we are comfortable having him here. I know they are recently sexually active, not my ideal but I understand this is part of growing up. They both discussed this and agreed to wait until after GCSEs before anything happening. They seem pretty sensible and we have obviously discussed all the obvious issues. I have a good open relationship with my dd so talk most things through. I think it's important to keep communication open, let them know what we expect and for them respect our boundaries whilst also trusting them.

It's so dependent on the teens concerned. Some teens live independently at this age, rightly or wrongly, they can. DD17 (BF18) refers to this age as 'trainee adults' - they know they're not fully mature and bearing all life's responsibilities yet but appreciate having a parental safety net to allow them to step carefully along that road. To me, since sleepovers with friends are normal, if you're accepting sexual activity anyway, it's strange not to allow a BF/GF to stay a night or two. Some I know have taken an established BF/GF on a family holiday, or even had a couple of days away alone together. It does seem to be positive for them overall.