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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Daughters clothes on holiday

20 replies

swedex · 03/07/2023 20:57

Ok I know I am being totally unreasonable, we're in Spain at the moment and my 13 year old dd refuses to wear anything else but jeans. She travelled in her boots and has worn those most of the time we've been here. She did concede today and wore her chunky sandals but spent the day in her jeans refusing to but on anything else and get in the pool
She has total control in what she wears and I have no problem in the clothes she has but god in this heat!
I am trying not comment and let her make her own choices but am finding it hard. This evening she did put on a dress to go out for dinner and then went and changed into her jeans and a baggy t shirt I know I shouldn't have reacted but immediately I did and said oh why not your dress it looked great. She was really upset with me and now I feel like a shit mother, always seem to say the wrong thing

I want her to feel comfortable but it's 33 degrees!
How can I move forward and just accept this and learn to bite my tongue or any suggestions of how I can talk about it with her!?!

OP posts:
OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 03/07/2023 20:59

She's 13. If she is too hot she will change or be too hot.

Just leave her to it, and keep your mouth shut.

WTFAreYouForReal · 03/07/2023 20:59

Just leave her to it. If she wants to be hot, let her, its her problem.

SwedishEdith · 03/07/2023 21:01

Let her wear what she wants.

Calloffruity · 03/07/2023 21:01

You're not really being unreasonable, she's being daft. But I wouldn't choose this as the hill to die on, let her get on with it.

user1477249785 · 03/07/2023 21:01

13 is such a crap age. You feel so awkward about your changing body. I remember just wanting clothes to be a comfort blanket that covered me up. Honestly I'd just leave her to it. It's just a phase and anything you say will just make it harder for her.

viques · 03/07/2023 21:05

Next year she will be wearing shorts that show her bum cheeks and you will be walking behind her so no one sees!

she is a teen , with a changing body that she is not sure of, the more you talk about it the more self conscious she will be. I practically danced in the street the day my dd s black sweatshirt made it into the charity shop bag.

Binfire · 03/07/2023 21:10

Yes her body is changing quickly and she’s obviously more comfortable with extra coverage at the moment.
My 13yr old is the same, she wears large hoodies and puffa jacket in all weathers. I bought her swimming shorts and a rash vest and she did actually swim on our last time.
We do have a rule about no jackets at the dinner table but other than that I let her wear what she wants.
I believe the next stage is wearing virtually nothing so maybe it’s not so bad!!

Original poster
swedex · 03/07/2023 21:12

Thank you all! I am trying not to say anything, but sometimes I speak before I think and then feel crap I know I just need to keep my mouth shut

OP posts:
Twillow · 03/07/2023 21:13

Really thought this was going to be about inappropriately reveasling clothing! Count your blessings and leave her to it? Although are you worried she has body dysmorphia issues?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/07/2023 21:15

Teenage girls are already treated certain ways because of how they look. Stop adding to it. Stop making your interactions about how she looks.

For the good of everyone, just get on with your day and she will wear whatever she wears.

Original poster
swedex · 03/07/2023 21:16

Twillow · 03/07/2023 21:13

Really thought this was going to be about inappropriately reveasling clothing! Count your blessings and leave her to it? Although are you worried she has body dysmorphia issues?

No, not worried, she will wear vest tops and skirts occasionally and is happy about it. More the fact it's so hot it's make me sweat just seeing the jeans!

OP posts:
Original poster
swedex · 03/07/2023 21:18

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/07/2023 21:15

Teenage girls are already treated certain ways because of how they look. Stop adding to it. Stop making your interactions about how she looks.

For the good of everyone, just get on with your day and she will wear whatever she wears.

You are completely right and it's my own insecurities and ridiculous conditioning about what we should and shouldn't wear in certain situations.

OP posts:
Idratherbepaddleboarding · 03/07/2023 21:21

I don’t think teenagers feel the heat (or cold) like the rest of us!

garfieldeatscake · 03/07/2023 21:22

I find jeans far more comfortable than shorts regardless of the heat, added bonus I don't get bitten by mozi's as legs covered up. I loath sunscreen so again jeans means I don't have to worry about burning.
If she's too hot, she can always have a dip....I assume she's not swimming in jeans, as that would be a hell of work out, given how heavy they get if wet!
Nah you're not a bad mum, you just want her to be comfortable, but it's time to let her have a bit more autonomy, even if she looks really uncomfortable!

Floofydawg · 03/07/2023 21:23

Next year she will be wearing shorts that show her bum cheeks and you will be walking behind her so no one sees!

Definitely this! 😂 I just spent a week in Spain with my older teen thinking that half the time she'd forgotten her skirt!

Frenchfancy · 03/07/2023 21:26

It's totally normal. Teenagers don't seem to feel heat in the same way. DD was the same a couple of years ago. We are now at the bum cheeks out while wearing a skin coloured boob tube stage.

Binfire · 03/07/2023 21:29

Don’t give yourself a hard time, you’ve clocked yourself doing it so I’m sure you’ll stop before saying anything next time.
Apologise to her if you think it would help, tell her you were wrong and she can wear whatever she’s comfortable in and that you won’t mention it again. It’s fine to make mistakes as a parent, I’m sure it’s not the first or last time and acknowledging that is a great thing for your daughter to see.

fuckmyuteruslining · 03/07/2023 21:46

I'd apologise too. It's so hard to watch them doing daft stuff but we have to let them cock things up themselves

Smoothiecarton · 03/07/2023 21:48

I’d just let her wear what she wants . But I’d be surreptitiously checking for self harm scars or self done tattoos .

VALCITY1990 · 26/02/2024 16:00

Just reading his just unlocked a memory when I was on holiday with my parents when I was a similar age.

I refused to wear nothing but jeans when we was in the scorching hot heat in Turkey my older sister said to me boys don't like looking at a girl in shorts on the beach! I was 14 and very self conscious I soon changed my clothing choice soon after 😂😂😂

Have you got an dd who you can give her a confidence boost?

Believe me if might do the trick!

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