I'm struggling a bit with my 17 year old. He wants to do well and get to a good uni, but is not making the grades and from what I see, isn't directing his work sensibly - not lazy so much as misguided. Wants a good job and some money now, but digging in his heels at actually looking for work now (6th form). Far too much time in his room and gaming. But he's always been independent/obstinate and at this point anything I say gets his back up. Has anyone got any tips for how to get through to super-defensive kids? I know they have to make their own mistakes, but the costs of messing up at this point are pretty big. He's very reluctant to engage in any conversation at the moment, won't do anything with us, doesn't need lifts anywhere, so it's hard to see any openings for an easier relationship. I just shlepped round several uni open days with him in virtual silence - hard work on both of us.