Teenagers turning 18... what should he pay for?

[themambonumber5]

Hey just looking for advice. My boyfriends son is turning 18 next month he lives with us. He dropped out of college a year ago and basically hasn't done anything since. He has started a full time job now tho which is great! Since getting a job his dad has said to him you can either pay £40 a week or if he cuts our grass then he doesn't have to pay the lodge.

He has no other responsibilities. What do most start doing when kids turn 18? Like we're taking him on holiday soon we'll be going out for meals doing activities etc do you have them pay a certain amount towards themself? I know it's a matter of opinion but would be nice to know what seems reasonable from mosts opinion.

I left home when I was 17 and paid my own way but I know that's not the same for a lot of teenagers.

What did you expect from your 18 year olds?

Thanks x

Are you struggling for money? I probably wouldn’t take lodge from my child, it’s their first job and I’d encourage them to save - they probably aren’t earning that much?

maybe I’d say he can solely be responsible for buying his own toiletries, clothes etc now.

however if I was short on money then I would take the contributions as I assume any benefits etc would stop?

@Noodlehen if he cuts the grass then he doesn't have to pay any lodge so it's his own doing if he doesn't lol. He doesn't have to do anything else around the house either that's what his dads deal is with him which I think is fair tbh. He is on a really decent wage and makes more money than me at the moment 😂 (I'm part time hours due to having a baby) xx

@Noodlehen we really try and encourage him to save. We told him if he can save up half his car insurance then we will pay all his lesson, a new car and the other half of his insurance but he won't save up, so it's pointless even doing that atm. He wastes all his money on smoking weed and getting take aways all the time even when I've cooked meals. I've tried to point out to him this is the best position he will likely ever be in to save up for important things or even if he spending his money on enjoying himself by going places but it's just all wasted.

It's annoying because then obv he's still young so it's still expected that we pay most his way but that's what he's doing with his money in the meantime. Know what I mean? X

We charged our 18 year old board (fairly minimal) which covered food. We expected him to do his share of cleaning and cooking and to wash his own sheets and towels (I kept doing his clothes as it would take him ages to have enough for a load). If we get a meal out or takeaway we pay and likewise if were doing something as a family or going on holiday we would pay. otherwise he pays for everything for himself. I might pick up some socks or something and not expect him to pay me back, but largely he now funds himself.

I am relaxed about him saving. I figure he's still young and I'd rather he had a bit of time to enjoy himself (he spends all his money on travelling). If he was spending his money on weed I might think differently though.

I would charge him rent/board because I think learning what things cost/to budget is really important and actually you're not doing him the favour you think you are by letting him opt out if being a responsible adult.

If you want to keep all the money he pays in a savings account and buy him a car/give it to him when he leaves home/gets married etc. You don't have to take the money for yourself, but he needs to learn how to be an adult and 18 is the time to start that learning.

What is his father doing about the weed habit? That would be far more worrying for me than whether or not he chips in with the housekeeping.

We expect our 18 year old to save for his car insurance. We don’t ask for board. Also pay for him on family holidays , he’ll just take some spending money for whatever he fancies buying. Still buy his clothes, don’t expect him to pay towards a family takeaway etc. This is for an apprenticeship wage. When he’s on a ‘ proper wage’ we will take a little for board but will save that to give back to him when he moves out.

At 18 and at college they cook at least once a week, do all their own washing, do some.hoovering, jobs as asked.
Once college is over and not going to uni expect contribution to food plus a little rent. Eldest went to uni so different.

If you want to keep all the money he pays in a savings account and buy him a car/give it to him when he leaves home/gets married etc. You don't have to take the money for yourself, but he needs to learn how to be an adult and 18 is the time to start that learning.

How does taking his money and secretly saving it for him teach him anything? If you tie a four year olds shoelaces that doesn't teach them how to do it. Much better to actually teach him about money, savings, how to budget and manage. Most 18 year olds learn this when they go to uni but if he doesn't plan to do that then he needs to learn at home. Maybe sit him down and show him all the household bills so he can see where all your money goes? Agree that if he saves a regular amount you will only take a nominal amount of lodge (assuming you can afford it). I never took money from my DC but they were very careful savers.

My DC went to university and now have jobs and give us just £200 per month. They don’t pay towards family takeaways or days our etc.
If they hadn’t gone to university and were perhaps earning a bit less then I’d ask for a contribution of £140 per month which is approximately £5 per day as soon as they fit full time jobs. I’d expect an 18 year old with a full time job to pay for their own phone. I would pay for driving lessons if needed as this is a good skill to have.
I would encourage them to buy Christmas and birthday presents like other adults in the family.

I think a contribution of £40 a week, all found, is very fair! It’s reasonable, but it also shows responsibility is now expected, especially as your SS is working.
SD went to uni at 18 so maybe a bit different. We gave her a monthly allowance whilst away and paid for her annual bus pass. We’d go and see her roughly once a month, take her for a slap-up meal and pay for a full grocery shop.
During the holidays, we did expect her to work which, fair does, she did, to pay for her own clothes, phone and entertainment. We paid for all other living expenses e.g. food, transport, family holidays/meals out etc. and didn’t expect anything else from her. She still thinks she was hard done by though, so do expect some huffing and puffing the first time you insist on payment.