My nearly 12 year old daughter violence and school

[Jram02]

I'm so lost. I have 3 children 9,10 and 12. My eldest started secondary school last September. In year 6 she had a few problems especially early puberty, but was good in school. She's on SENco as she's had drama with anti social behavior from a neighbor, but lost a lot of school from COVID. She has been a whole different child since going to secondary school. She's getting exclusions, isolation, been in detention playing truant. Her behavior is terrible to the teachers , she has got into a toxic friendship group who then turned on her threatening to abuse her physically and mentally. The police had got involved over the bullying she was receiving. She had a safety plan in school so she couldn't get near the bullies and on a part time table. It worked well for 4 weeks I got my old daughter back. She was doing better in classes and was happier in her self.
Today was horrific the bullies befriended and she was silly enough to fall for it. She had been running round the school and shouting about. I got called in to try calm her down. I got to her and tried go to get her hand to take her into the office and she attacked me badly and but me so hard it's all swollen and bruised. It was so embarrassing as there were classes outside and teachers chasing her. It was so extreme. The school can't cope with the bullies and as they've got social behind them, they are protected so myuch more.

Has anyone else had any problems like this?

Didn't want to read and run although I don't have experience of this. Thinking of you. 💐

Is she getting any additional help for her needs that have lead to being on the SEN register? What's the specific learning need?

The behaviour today as you know is quite extreme for a 12 year old. Try not to dwell on the embarrassment- you were doing what you had to do and what you'd been asked to do.

Are there any actual consequences for these bullies? It's all well and good the school talking about keeping your daughter safe, but they aren't managing that right now and the bullies don't seem to think there's any issue with carrying this on.

She needs to leave this school ASAP for the safety of herself and others

Only thing that worked was moving mine to a different school.
Her behaviour isn’t horrible, it’s a cry for help.

The police was involved with the bullies as we had 10 days with constant harassment from 12 different kids which the main 3 ring leaders had organized. There was threats of violence and sexual assault. They turned up at my house. Police rang us once even though I had reported 12 incidents over 2 weeks. They didn't want to see the evidence and said it's a school matter they need to deal with it. T he police then spoke to school telling them it's there problem. The heads answer was we have to stay neutral. These bullies have got away with it again. The problem is they're all related in some way. One of them has already been proven of sexual assault. My daughter has been on a part time timetable since this happened and the other day she got sent home cause one of the bullies was in isolation in the classroom she was meant to be in. Instead of the school removing them my daughter got sent home. I've had so many meetings with the head and they are never positive. She's got 8 teachers leaving and the place is going to pot.

I would move your daughter to a different school. The school are not doing enough to support her. I hope there is one you could move to that is not too far away.

Is it possible to move schools?

Bringing bullies to justice is less important than getting your daughter to safety. No one should be going to school fearing another sexual assault or yet more bullying. Shes been badly let down by the current school and the police.

Id report to Ofsted and pull her out of the school. She needs to go to a different school where she can be safe.

So there's 7 members of staff leaving, her head of year is fantastic and shes one of them leaving. She has told me to pull her out as it's only going to get worse, as more of the bullies family is going to the school in September. The problem is I'm in a catchment area of 4 schools. Everyone knows everyone in these 4 schools and the bullies family is huge they're all related through the same dad or cousins. It's a nightmare. I'm currently finding another house in the next county to us so my other 2 children don't have to be unsettled from a school move, but then my daughter can also be in a different catachement area for another school. The housing market is terrible, so might have to home school her while she moves up a waiting list for a new school.
I've contacted the head for another meeting cause like the police told them they have to safeguard my daughter and keep her away from this group. The staff seem to be scared of these kids with social workers and one of these kids has issues with how she identifies so the school tread carefully so they don't upset the bullies families.
The system has gone bonkers and us parents what fight for our children's safety in education don't stand a chance especially without have a social worker behind us

If there is space in a school outside of catchment, they might still be able to enroll your daughter so long as you are prepared to arrange and pay for transportation. It’s worth talking to the local education authority of the county/area you are looking at.

Your daughter needs to follow the teachers instructions and stay away from these kids too. It sounds like they are former friends and she continues to gravitate towards them and vice versa. You also talk about several exclusions and violent behaviour towards others. You need to move her away from the negative influences and bullying.

I would be looking to move her from this school ASAP. Not to another shit school with staff leaving, but to whatever the best school in your area is.

Maybe see about a managed move.

You are all right about moving her. It's just really sad that this happens in schools. I wish I could home school her, but it's just not practical for our family. I'm happy to pay out my own pocket for transport. I just think the head teacher should take some responsibility. She wants this strict Catholic academy, but she's not going to get it with some of the children in the school. She not a good leader at all. She has no relationship with the kids, there's no compassion. It's all about the religion for her.

We have a situation with some similarities but not quite as extreme as yours. It is very stressful for your daughter and for you. Your daughter is going through Trauma. I would advise moving her to another school quickly. Apply to schools outside the county if she is able to travel to/from school there. Apply for schools a good distance away from the school she is attending where no one will know her is my advice. Keep ringing Admissions to check where there is availability. Also is school safeguarding lead/senior management aware ? Presume they are.

Are school able to offer her any counselling sessions? We had this although it wasn't v useful but it was something. We have applied for schools in the next county away from the current high school where our daughter won't know anyone. We didn't forsee this terrible bullying situation & our family has been shaken by it. It has been a living nightmare tbh. We hope our daughter will move schools quickly however we live in an affluent area with no school places available hence the applications to other counties. So sorry you are faced with this situation, please move your daughter to a new school quickly or home school until a place become available. Staying in this situation will damage your daughter's MH further.

Just read your update. Are you in the South of England or the North? Just wondered if I may know the school that was all. It's not the school my daughter attends from the description of it.

Wow op, this is extremely serious. Get her out immediately and home school until you can move to another area. Report the school and don’t look back.
I would also get your dd some counselling as this sounds very traumatic.

Have a look at managed moves.

They can be used for pupils who need a fresh start because they are too anxious to attend their current setting.

We're East Midlands area. Ive applied across county today for a school place. I tried to complain to the deputy head today about this he just ignored me again as usual. He's such a pig ignorant bloke, he came with the head last September and she's winding out all the teachers what the kids like and are more caring towards them. It's a really sad situation and I feel like my daughter has lost another year at school after all the COVID times. I feel like the school should take some responsibility for it.
Thank you for all your replies.

forgetting your daughter for a moment. Am I reading that right that she bit you and now it's red and swollen? if so you need to see a medical person. Human bite can be very serious if the skin is broken,

Animal and human bites - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

So had a TAC meeting today. My other two children's head teacher who also goes round grading schools on their SEND provisions was there, she brung foward a ECHP, needs to be put in place for the mental health side and also maybe holding back a year as the education what had been missed is substantial. They did agree with it. We've also got told were finally getting a EHW. I hope they can support with a ECHP. I also had parents evening tonight. The teachers all said the same thing "easily led, a good kid and when she's wanting to work she can do it. She just needs to be kept away from the toxic friendship group". They can all see the problems but why can't the d. head and the head see it. It was nice to hear that the teachers know shes not a ring leader and she's certainly not a nasty child. I just want to know what the right thing is to do for my daughter.

Can you move her school Op?

Or home school her, to keep her safe?

Do what your daughter needs, her mental health is no.1