Teenage son never goes out

[Imnoonesfool]

Hi
I wanted to come on an update about my teenage son, not that any of you will know him or our situ but for the past 4 odd years I’ve been a regular lurker poster looking for advise, reassurance and help regarding a teen son who had no social life.

I really just wanted to reassure people that it can certainly change.

my son had a very active social life through primary / yr 7/8 at secondary then to the tail end of year 8 he basically got ousted from his large group of friends. No big falling out, it just became apparent that they were probably mismatched interest/coolness wise etc.

He made a new group of friends in school but from yr 8 to yr 11 he never again really went out after school or weekends with friends. I spent many a night worrying about his lack of friends, no party invites, no trips to town, cinema nothing. His new friends all gamed together with him out of school and that formed the basis of his social interaction. He also played football so that was his only activity.

A week before his yr11 prom we still thought he was going to turn up alone so I managed to find a number for one of his school friends mums and asked (without his permission 😬😩) if the boys had any plans to get there ….. turns out they hadn’t organised anything so within the space of 12 hours a before party and after party was arranged.

Roll on 12 months and I cannot believe the change, first year of college done. He has a part time job which he loves, he’s made friends there and they now have parties, socials, curry nights etc. he has hosted numerous parties and BBQs at our house, even had a brief gf

Don’t get me, he still doesn’t go out every weekend or every week for that matter but with work, college and his sport ge wouldn’t have time, he’s still not a patch on my Uber sociable teen daughter but I can not believe the change a year makes.

I honestly thought at points that he was destined to be lonely even though he always told me he was fine and he didn’t want to go out.

it’s really just a post to reassure that things can change when they are ready and actually he was really happy during those teen years staying at home. It was actually the feeling of not belonging because he didn’t enjoy parties and gatherings when he was 13/14/15 that made him change friend groups ! The problem wasn’t with him it was with me as I felt he was missing out turns out he was just being himself…..I now have to deal with late night lifts etc 😂

That’s reassuring op. I am so glad for your ds and you.

Lovely to read this as I have a similar ds but no signs of change yet.

So reassuring to hear. Thank you 😊 I have a DS who is currently at the not going out at all stage and it fills me with such anxiety. Nice to know there is hope!

Thanks for this, have a 15 year old hermit here too. It's really worrying.

This is a lovely post. Thank you OP. My DS is a few years off this age, but hasn't always found it easy to make friends. It's reassuring to read that your DS has done what makes him happy and has found his tribe.

Thanks for your post. My son is exactly the same as you say yours was, used to have loads of friends in primary, y7&8, now they’ve all started hanging out and doing drugs and I feel he’s so lonely. Your post gives me hope for the future

This is good to hear. My DS2 is a bit like this (a very sociable older brother) and it is a bit anxiety making.
Glad your boy is happy and doing fun stuff now.

I personally do not see why there is need to force teenagers to go out just like that because someone out there venerates social outings so much

I am very outgoing however love to do it with my own family or alone. Having a job in the hospitality sector fulfils all social needs I have anyway; live and let live

This is is reassuring, thank you for posting

It is kind of you to post this now your boy is out of the woods. My DC have been through ups and downs socially and it is such a relief when they are settled with good friends.

That is a lovely post in so many ways. It's reassuring to others, it's lovely news for him and it also shows that they sometimes need that nudge from us, like the pre-prom party you helped set up.

My DS is similar. Went from having no friends and being chronically shy, certain he'd never attract a girl, to being really sociable with several different friendship groups, has had one LTR and a couple of shorter term ones. Two years ago I was seriously worried for him.

it's so lovely when things go right for them after a few shaky years, isn't it?

I have a 14 yo DS and I really needed to read your post (especially coming up to 8 weeks of summer holidays…). Thank you

Lovely post, thank you!

I have a (traditionally) very social DS, who at 14 is doing most of his socialising gaming with buddies.

I am looking forward to him rejoining the more F2F interactions at some point.

This is a lovely post OP, I’m so pleased for you and him. I have a hermit that will sporadically socialise, so thanks for the hope.

This is a great update. It’s easy to forget to mention the positives. All kids develop at their own pace. Sounds like it’s taken some time but now he is thriving.

One of the best feelings is to watch your child thrive and have a sense of purpose and belonging.

Thanks for posting this. I have a 16 yr old DD who rarely goes out she hates the idea of drinking and can't think of anything worse than going to a party. She will occasionally go out with a friend for a nandos but doesn't like being out of the house for more than a few hours. Her brother is 15 and he regularly goes to parties and is a massive extrovert. He has said he will take her to his friends party this weekend to show her they are not scary and how to socialise. This is the weird bit though - my son is autistic and has loads of friends and finds socialising very easy - i think it is because he doesn't care what people think off him so he doesn't over analyse everything about people.