19 Year Old Son About To Become Unemployed

[jimjam2313w]

I'm a self employed ful time carer. My wife has physical and mental health issues.

Our 19 year old son has been unhappyat his work for some time and handed his notice in.

I am looking for advice on what I should expect from him. I took a pasting here in April after posting a thread about how my son had told me to "f off" after i'd chased him out of bed to do his chores. The general concensus seemed to be that I was in the wrong and was an overbearing parent. So since then he has had no chores. Well, he basically hasn't done them so I do them.

He doesn't spend any time with us. He pays a token amount of digs to cover elec, etc.

As my wife is disabled I do all the housework. This makes me frustrated, as I spend a lot of time tidying up without very much support. Our son doesn't do much to help and never offers.

Now that he is about to leave his job, what should I expect? When he wanted to leave school I told him we would support him provided he was "in employment or taking further education". He is about to do none of that.

What do I do?

Maybe he'll look for another job?

I am hoping he is. Thanks for answering!

Have you asked him if he has another job to go to? Has interviews lined up?

Looking but no interviews lined up.

If he is fit and well, give him no money at all. He has to provide for himself. Were you charging him board before?

Yes I was charging him before.

Are you giving him any money?

Then he needs to understand this continues. No one lives for free. He must apply for IC whilst looking for work (they may not take kindly to him having left a job tho).
Don't fund anything but the basics - I couldn't see my child without food and shelter etc, but other than existing streaming services etc very little else.

I think you need to be supportive- I get that you’re frustrated, and empathise. Remember, he is unhappy- hence why he finished his job. He also doesn’t want to have no money. I think strong work ethic is important and he probably does want to find work but maybe needs some help or direction from you or his mum. Is his mum able to help him apply for jobs? Maybe revamp his CV, look on the job websites etc.

I don’t think your main focus right now should be paying his way with no job. Sure he should pay rent if he’s working but your priority should be helping him back into the work place.

you sound a bit like what my parents were like - more concerned with rules and complying rather than emotionally supportive. (You mention about chores etc).:- not saying he shouldn’t help out, but pick your battles. sometimes you need to look at the bigger picture. Remember a lot of teenage boys often don’t talk about stuff and don’t disclose how they really feel.

I am in a similar situation with my D's. Also same age. The replies on Mumsnet are often conflicting and they normally blame the parents when the child rebels. Can't offer any real advice but if you need to chat or support them feel free to DM me it's hard and lonely parenting a teen.