I'm struggling to understand how to parent my teen. Both DH and I grew up in pretty toxic households (abuse / alchoholism / mental health issues) and having a disatisfied teen at home is pretty triggering for all concerned.
Our issue is discipline. DS seems to think he can do whatever he likes and that we are being restrictive and overbearning when we clamp down. He sneaks onto gaming devices and will swear blind he's doing his homework (all set online) when we can tell he's gaming on web-based servers. He's much more knowlegable about tech than we are so he runs rings round us in that department. He's currently on a screen ban for lying about using tech when he wasn't supposed to, so his phone has been locked away until he can demonstrate better responsibility. We don't really know what other sanctions we can apply - he doesn't go out much so we can't ground him!
It feels like every day is a battle over tech. Left to his own devices (pun intended) he'd game all day and all night, so we've restricted use to 1 hour of phone time (it turns into a brick automatically after this) plus TV for a couple of hours in the evening (pretty much unrestricted, it's in a room upstairs so not really monitored) and use of his own chromebook for homework (which he seems to use for online gaming - getting the bare minimum done for school).
He's rebelling against us and I think that's normal, but my issue is that with having had a difficult childhood, I don't really know where to set healthy boundaries myself.
Can you help? What are the rules and expectations you impose on your teen (if any). I'd love to understand how happy, functioning families manage this. All the how-to-parent-teenagers books I've read are written pre-smartphones and don't seem to have taken on board how today's teens are exposed to the internet 24/7....