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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Stick it out or ?

1 reply

fizzypop100 · 24/06/2023 23:59

Ds is 17 soon. He has ADHD and isn't coping socially. It is getting worse. He upsets people and has even ended up being chased.
School finished June 2022 and we had weeks of hell over that hot summer with many police visits for incidents such as a broken window, getting thrown out of KFC for stupid behaviour, going into an abandoned building with a big group of local teenagers and finished it off by going missing all night.
(I ended up going out on foot at 3am by myself and found him in our local McDonald's).
He's on a course but since June it is only a few hours, 2 days a week over summer. The course starts again in September (4 days) but there are weeks to fill until then. He's ditched his sports, which used to help him be busy and use up energy
It seems like there are minor incidents every few days. I have had MAST involved and they saw him just once a fortnight for an hour. The worker did a lot of typing onto a laptop and no help. DS eventually didn't want to see the worker anymore, which was understandable.
I put him on the social housing list because he's constantly draining us. He is awake most nights until 3am or worse. Even when he has melatonin he will wake extremely early. If he's out in the sunshine or been exercising, he is still awake at night. I have a mesh router which blocks his phone and playstation at night. He then switches to making phone calls and is up and downstairs all night.
Despite constant reminders he is loud, shouting and most times is verbally aggressive if I show frustration with his noise in the middle of the night.
I've changed rapidly over the last year due to very poor sleep. Had blood tests for thyroid and other things but all normal. The GP says I'm simply worn down.
DS has no interest in family anymore, just other kids. He used to be very close to his nan (only grandparent left) but he now makes excuses not to see her. She only lives 30 minutes away by bus. Last time he saw his nan, he hadn't seen her for weeks. We took him to his favourite pub meal. He left the table multiple times to go outside to vape and chat to friends on the phone. He even got out of the taxi on the way back to his nans because he wanted to walk back home through the city centre.
We can't trust him with a housekey. He's admitted he would bring people to our house and that's not going to happen. I don't trust him or the kids he mixes with.
I've known all about these kids for several years and met them.
DS had a lovely friend for 10 years who lives local but doesn't bother with him anymore.
I know he's got ADHD and other complexities but he is consciously making a lot of bad choices.
Family have advised me to stick it out one more year

OP posts:
continentallentil · 25/06/2023 09:18

This sounds incredibly difficult OP.

I don’t think ADHD is a total explanation with the crime stuff, but I can see it’s part of it.

Is there anyway he can get a job doing something physical over the summer?

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