15 year old smoking weed

[worstparent]

Advice please, just found out my 15 year old son is smoking weed.

He doesn't like my very basic house rules, so we had an argument on Wednesday night and I told him if he lives under my roof he has to follow my rules. In when I say 9:15pm on a school night, 10pm on weekend. Bed for 10pm on a school night. When asked he is to do as he is asked I.E chores wash pots hoover etc (not even that often)
Also not to lie to us and to speak and treat us with respect.
He is 1 of 4 and I try my best for him we both work and he gets what he wants for birthdays Christmases etc
For example he has a £400 bike £200 trainers and expensive clothes an Xbox etc
He doesn't go without.
I don't raise my hand to him. He knows he can talk to me about anything but he doesn't.
He is very disrespectful to me teachers and well anyone - he refuses to answer people if they speak to him.
So on Wednesday he left home as he didn't want to follow the house rules, I waited until he was due home and he didn't return so I went to look for him and brought him home.
10 minutes in the house and he ran off again
So I had no choice but to phone the police and tell them what was going on.
The police found him walking the streets at 2:30 am and brought him home

That's when we spoke and I tricked him into telling me I knew he smoked weed

• I said I already knew and who did he do it with and where how long etc. he did answer this and that confirms it for me that I was right.

I kept him home from school as school is where he is doing it sometimes
We did have a meeting at school the day after Thursday which they are putting in place a managed move temporarily
And referrals in for the school nurse and other interventions 🙄

Police policy is to call social services and they are coming today at 2

Yesterday I give him some school work to do he refused to do it

He refused to do any chores

So I've taken his phone, his bike, well everything
I've ordered some no named clothes so I can take his named clothes

I've told him he can't treat us like this and expect us to give him all that and do nothing no chores treat us badly talk to us like shit

He has had us both in tears
My mother his Nan in tears
He is so nonchalant about it
His answer is "I duno" to everything or I can't be bother to answer you

What am I doing wrong ?

Any constructive advice would be so greatful right now as I'm at the end of my tether

Thank you

Hi OP, we're moving your thread to our Teenagers topic - hopefully some Mumsnetters will be along soon with some advice and support.

Anyone?

Sounds distressing but maybe a few bits of key info you’ve left out? Why is the school arranging a managed move in the first instance? How much school has he missed and how is he smoking weed at school?
why the eye roll at the interventions, which will probably be helpful?

I feel for you, especially as he is 15. We have had the same but with a 17 year old, and at that age you have slightly more leverage. We stopped his pocket money, and refused to take him out driving. School also intervened. However, none of this meant much to him, and at one point we had to "pay his debts". We kept the talking channels open, and however mad with him you are, you have to keep this going. He has stopped recently and the only reason he did stop is because his friend had to stop because they were going to be sacked from his part time job if he didn't. He stopped, and so did my son as a result. He has been off it for 4 weeks and he is seeing some benefits (he has more energy, his skin is clear, he is eating better, he has better mental health) and he has acknowledged some of this, which helps. But it is an ongoing job, and its a hard one. x

My 15 year old little brother is smoking weed and has just recently told my mum and dad they were NOT happy about it let me tell you they did all the strict parenting not letting him out not allowing his friends around straight home from school all this and all that but in the end he'd still go behind there back and do it anyway so now they give up teenagers will be teenagers but what they have said is what you do outside of the house is down to you but he wont be bringing it in there house it wont be spoke about in there house and they won't be funding his habit I think that's all they can do at lease they know they don't accept it but in a way they have n it's better than ruining a relationship with your child over it constantly punishing them when there still gonna do what they want boys will be boys