14 year old smoking weed

[alittlelost2022]

Looking for a bit of advice…. My 14 year old son has been smoking weed, despite him denying it I have strong evidence that he is. He has on occasions admitted to it to me. I worry that he may be doing this on a daily basis.

I have also found some small plastic bags in his bag and fear that he may be distributing it amongst friends and others.

I am totally against drugs and find this upsetting, I worry about this life and the impact on his mental wellbeing. To complicate matters he spends 50% of his time with me and the remainder with his father, who spends many months of the year out of country on holiday in Asia.

Just when I get things back on track, Dad returns and things take a turn for the worse.

I have taken legal advice and due to his age my solicitor has advised that a Judge will not award full residency to me due to his age. There is little point going down this route. Social services are not willing to get involved, that has been fully exaused.

If I go in too hard my son will run off and live with his dad until he next goes to Asia for many months.

I am a good citizen, I have tied to bring my children up with good morals, I work hard and done my best and really don’t know what to do.

Any advice from anyone who has experienced this. TIA

Firstly calm down. Most kids experiment with weed and turn out absolutely fine. But. You need to have a calm conversation with him.

Where is he getting the money from ? Stop giving him dinner money, ground him for a week no exception, phone/laptop confiscated

He will probably still continue but he needs to

I agree to grounding him, stopping his cash and having a very clear conversation with him and his father.

Have you tried talking to the local community support officer, get him to explain where your ds is likely to end up if he carries on this course.

Lol most kids experiment with weed comment wow wonders how the hell your bring your kids up then!!! Sorry bit there would be consequences in our house if it did ever happen

Im actually pretty calm all things considering. I dont give him money everything goes on a card which i carefully monitor.
Dad gives him cash and has set up a secret account that is not monitored.

If I go hard on him he will run off to his dad and I will lose all control and contract.
Dad is unreasonable he has me saved in his phone as C**T and has been banned from several pubs for using cocaine on the premises.

I think speaking to a PCO may be a good idea.

Does anyone have any sanctions or words of encourgament / fear that have worked with encouraging teenagers not to smoke weed?

I was of the opinion i would ground or barrocade him into his room but its not the answer. Many teenagers sadly dabble with weed, its has unfortnatly become very socially acceptable. Its not good for them and I know the health risks in both teenagers and adults.

I know parents who think there teenagers are angels and the teenagers are smoking weed and using vapes on a regular basis, their parents dont know and to simply say that your teenagers wouldnt ever do this is very nieve!

Any parent could be in my position in the future and I guarantee you will be a little less judgemental.

I started smoking weed at that age, I don't anymore. Unfortunately I don't think anything would have scared me (or my friends) into stopping. A lot of us just grew out of it. Which is the same for a lot of kids I know now.

The thing that did scare me though, was being told about how many people go into psychosis triggered by smoking weed. Perhaps show him some of the cases and what could happen to him if he continues. PCO is also a good idea.

Such a tough situation, OP. It sounds like you're doing great so far.

My son started smoking weed at 14. He now at the age of 42 has schizophrenia. Cannabis is well known for messing with brains that are still developing. If only I had known this all back then. Now there's loads of information available, so he can read up.

You really need to knock it on the head. Cannabis is much stronger these days and it has a seriously detrimental effect on their personality, their memory and motivation at an important age for teenagers with school and socialising etc.

Apart from wanting to piss you off do you think his dad would actually be happy to have him around for long? It would be good if he would back you up and have some concerns for his son's health and future. At the moment your son can play you off against each other.
Do you think any of your son's friends' parents would take a similar line to yourself? Is he smoking at home, other houses or outside? It might be worth confiding in other parents if they would take action as you have tried (without another parent sabotaging their efforts).
A lot of older people have tried cannabis and come out of it ok but stronger varieties are available now.

There isn’t anywhere he’s “likely to end up”. About 1 in 11 adults, and 1 in 5 adults ages 16-24, have used illegal drugs in the past year and cannabis is the most commonly used drugs. Kids aren’t stupid - if you pretend it’s a one way ticket to trouble they’ll often disregard anything said to them and dig their heels in.

I’d have an open and honest chat about the risks of regular cannabis use for their health and the potential impact of s criminal record (access to visas when travelling, certain jobs, etc). Pushing them towards a dad who will minimise the consequences due to their own drug use won’t help anyone in the long run.

If you've found the practical baggies on him OP and there has been nothing in them it sounds to me that he's dealing.