Suspension

[ClaireM42]

My 12 year old has been suspended for a 3rd time this year. This time it’s 8 days.

He started seeing a psychologist a while ago and she suggested giving him more freedom which we did but nearly every time he went out he was up to no good and he hangs about with the wrong crowd. I’m at a loss as to what to do tbh. He never takes responsibility for his behaviour and downplays everything.
This behaviour is having a huge impact on everyone in the family.
For example tonight when he came in Inhad a word with him about this suspension and instead of listening he was getting annoyed about how unfair it was etc. He then went outside to play and started to really wind his little brother up to the point where he was really upset. I’ve noticed he does this whenever we tell him off.
Thoughts ?

My son was suspended.

Letting your son have more freedom is simply teaching him that he can behave exactly how he wants and is then rewarded for it!

I did the opposite to what your psychologist recommended and I kept my son at home, so that he couldn't go out with friends, until his behaviour improved and I could trust him.

He needed to learn there would be consequences to his actions.

Fortunately he accepted this with grace and turned a huge corner. He's now much better behaved!

What's the reason that he's seeing the psychologist @ClaireM42?

The school suggested it

Ok so it sounds as though he's been having problems for a while, is that correct?

Has he had something happen that would affect his behaviour or do you think that there is something underlying which might be affecting his behaviour.

You've already alluded to impulsivity, not taking responsibility and immaturity, does he have any other signs that he might have ADHD?

there Was talk of him possibly having ADD.
Father and I are not usually on the same page when it comes to discipline.

Ok so who had mentioned ADHD and has he been referred for assessment?

If you and his DF are at odds, how does he feel about getting DS assessed?

He almost certainly does have some sort of problem. Impulsive, refusing to accept responsibility, no ability to reflect, winding up sibling. This is a serious exclusion for a 12 year old. What are you doing about this at home? Was it unfair? Did you go to school and meet with him and Head to discuss? I’ve worked with difficult kids my whole life…I am afraid he certainly would no be going out to play!
Push for ADHD referral as soon as possible.