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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teen heartbreak - should I intervene?

4 replies

Nikki3009 · 16/06/2023 17:10

My DD ended up sharing a flat with her uni boyfriend but he broke up with her and moved out and as far as I know she has had no contact with him since. She was heartbroken initially and then seemed to stabilise but would never speak to me about him or how she was feeling about him. I’m sure she speaks to friends, but I know she was hoping for a reconciliation and it must hurt her that he hasn’t contacted her.
She still has a lot of his belongings, things that he didn’t take when he moved out, there’s a fair amount of stuff including designer clothes and an expensive fan. I’ve got to move her back from Uni this weekend and I suggested to her that she contacts him about his possessions. She was very blunt about it and said that he’d get in touch if he wanted them.
It doesn’t seem right that she keeps these things mainly because they’re not hers but also because it might be a way for her to have some closure.
He’s a nice, decent lad and there’s no animosity between them, but it’s clearly a touchy subject. So I don’t know whether to suggest we leave his stuff there boxed up and let him know or just bring it home it’s us which I don’t really want to do!
Its such a rite of passage giving an ex’s belongings back! What would you do?

OP posts:
jackstini · 16/06/2023 17:18

Let her decide and do whatever she needs to do
That's the most supportive way

Hbh17 · 16/06/2023 17:26

They are adults, so your daughter will decide what to do. If you literally don't have room for all the extra stuff at your place, your daughter will either have to leave it behind or pay for a storage unit.

Nikki3009 · 16/06/2023 17:47

its partly practical (I’m moving soon so I’m currently trying clear clutter !) and partly emotional - not sure it’s healthy for her to keep his stuff but it’s very hard to broach it with her. Looks like we’ll be keeping it 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
CeliaNorth · 16/06/2023 18:42

I think you could quite reasonably say that you don't want to take responsibility for someone else's belongings. And you certainly don't want to have them taking up space in your new home.

By doing nothing, dd is shifting the responsibility on to you, and it's not your job to sort it out.

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