Teenage girl and drugs

[Miceeatinglollypops]

Looking for advice. Recently found out our 15 year old has been taking ecstasy at parties - she’s done it twice now. Found out the first time via her friend’s mum, did the usual chat with her about drugs, why did you do it etc, and made her look up the risks etc. she promised it was a one off but then we found out she had done it again this weekend. Obviously no more parties for her for the foreseeable but what else do we do? she said she did it because it was ‘fun’ and ‘feels good’ - I have tried explaining just one bad one can kill you, buying drugs just fuels all kinds of unpleasantness etc but I think she just doesn’t care because she just looks at the fun side.
She is otherwise full of life, lots of friends, doing well at school etc and no other issues. But obviously this is a huge concern for us and I have no idea how to tackle it other than not letting her go to parties/out any more til we can trust her again. We have also said that we will remove her phone (we already take it away at bedtime) and at any point if we have suspicions we can read her messages etc (not done that yet but she understands that we will if we need to)
What else can we do? How can we get through to her that drugs aren’t ‘fun’ and are actually really dangerous? She just thinks we are old farts and what do we know. Is it a lot more prevalent than when we were young? Is it just the modern day equivalent to drinking cider in the park? I don’t know what to do.
thanks for reading and any advice would be really helpful.

have you informed school? Do you know where she got it from? School can arrange sessions with someone from a youth intervention team.

She got them from someone from Snapchat (apparently not someone from school) - I haven’t told the school as it was out of school time so wasn’t sure if they needed to know/cared what she was doing at the weekend? I have never had to deal with stuff like this before so literally not got a clue who to talk to or what to do.

@Miceeatinglollypops
Did some of her friends encourage her, was she part of a group of friends who agreed to do this? If so I’d be trying to cool these friendships. Surely if she’s been dealt drugs via Snapchat it’s a police matter? Police involvement might help her understand the significance of taking illegal substances too?

Are her friends doing it? I went through this as a teen and my parents tried a number of things too. They cried, I cried and apologised, I swore on my life I would never do it again. Nothing changed for me as my friends carried on doing it and no matter how long I was grounded for, I'd do it again as soon as I was ungrounded. I'd lie and stay out so they wouldn't know because I didn't have to go home. I actually got myself in some dangerous situations because I couldn't go home or call my parents. I once walked down a dual carriage way alone at 2am when I was 16 after an argument with my friends. I didn't ask for help from my parents because of the consequences I'd face for being on drugs.

I know this is not what you want to hear but nothing would have stopped me. Moving me to a different school or house wouldn't have made a difference because I would have found new friends that were the same. That's exactly what I did when I went to college and uni.

I'd be devastated and terrified if I found out my DC were taking them and I don't have any advice on what to do to stop it. Hopefully someone else will have advice that works and she stops doing it but if that doesn't work then I'd consider treating it like safe sex. Educate her on it, how it works, the risks, how to stop your body overheating, when to stop drinking water to avoid hyponatremia, to call you if she ever needs help or feels ill. Make sure you know where she is at all times. I know it feels like condoning it but I figure it's better than her doing it anyway in secret and being in more danger.

Good luck to you and your DD.

Have you ever tried MDMA/Ecstasy yourself?

I would suggest your approach with her should evolve. Claiming ecstasy isn’t fun isn’t going to wash. It feels absolutely amazing as your DD knows from experience. Also claiming it is unsafe (certainly vs other drugs including alcohol) for the vast majority of users, is inaccurate. It is one of the safest “party drugs” in existence. And it can easily be tested to ascertain whether MDMA is present and at what strength. A tiny number of users do die each year, but the chances are very slim.

However, while it’s not addictive like an opiate is, participating in the experience regularly can become a powerful distractor from school work and other interests. If it is taken more than every 1-3 months, levels of serotonin in the brain don’t recover sufficiently which can exacerbate depression.

I would ensure she is aware of how to take it safely and suggest she postpones any further use until after she has completed her schooling and her brain has finished developing. Whether this is enough to persuade her, perhaps not.

@Madeintheshade
But isn’t it illegal? That’s a big thing I struggle with too….

Yes, but getting caught with a small amount for personal use as a minor is unlikely to have any real consequences. I don’t think pointing that out is a big disincentive.

Navigating situations like this with teenagers can be really tough. It's clear that you care deeply about your daughter's well-being. It's crucial to continue having open and honest conversations with her about the risks associated with drugs, as you've been doing.
Consider seeking professional guidance or counseling for both you and your daughter. While rehab might not be necessary at this stage, a therapist can help address the underlying reasons she's turning to drugs and offer strategies for healthier coping mechanisms.
Also, keep reinforcing the importance of a supportive and loving family environment. Your concern and involvement are vital in guiding her towards making safer choices.

I do think taking a more measured approach would be useful - she's a teenager, she's practically geared towards pushing boundaries. MDMA is brilliant fun - I can say that from experience, it enables you to form bonds with people and have experiences that you wouldn't normally get. Banning her from the parties and the bonding (which is exactly what she's after) isn't going to help. Communication will. You need to educate her on what it's doing to her brain - talk about holding off until she's not studying for GCSE's (Ie wait till the holidays etc), keeping her serotonin levels up afterwards, only buying from trusted sources, making sure to not take too much at one time, I mean, this might all seem enabling, but actually all you'll be doing is being there for her whilst she explores the things she's probably going to explore whether you're with her or now.
And if you have open dialogue, she is much more likely to come to you if it does go wrong, or if she gets in trouble. This approach might not work for everyone, but it's certainly working for me and my 15 year old son.