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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Will an NCS course be beneficial for DS (16) ? and do I push it?

11 replies

thesugarbumfairy · 12/06/2023 17:46

For reference I mean https://wearencs.com/

Its the live it course which is:

  • Adventure skills — This could include water activities, orienteering, archery, high ropes, climbing, or bushcraft survival skills
  • Financial challenge —– mortgage money matters and more
  • Speak for yourself —– presentation and public speaking skills
  • Giving-back — putting your new skills into practice
  • First aid course
  • Mental health mastery

I think it will. But I have always said I will not make him do something he really doesn't want to do.

Sorry I'm going to warble on now.

Background:
DS1 has always been an introvert. He dislikes social interaction. He doesn't really communicate with the friends that he has made in school, out of school, which means when he finishes on Friday after his GCSEs he is unlikely to ever see them again (and he isn't bothered) He doesn't really leave the house unless I take him to the cinema or send him down the shop. He has no real interests. He just plays on his pc and watches TV. Sometimes he will use the home gym we set up for him in the garage.

He has actively disliked residentials having done a few in primary and one in secondary. He has an issue with germs. (For example will only help me with the washing if he is wearing rubber gloves) and doesn't like crowds or noise. I had a strong suspicion early on that he was neuro diverse - but his head teacher disagreed with me in primary and refused to refer him (how it works here) and to be honest, he can cope with life - he just finds it a bit more challenging than some other kids. I am hoping that when he starts 6th form he will blossom a bit more (he doesn't like change - but most of the kids at 6th form will be familiar from primary school and football so it won't be too scary)

So on his last day of school (just before his exams started) he handed me a business card that they had been given about NCS courses. I asked if he wanted to do one. He said I guess so. So I signed him up. We have talked about it since and whilst not keen, he agreed it would be good to get some exercise and get out of the house. We chose the outdoor one as the other courses sounded a bit too much like it involved discussion and presentation whereas this one only has one presentation aspect. He was in agreement that it would give him something to do in the long period before 6th form starts in Sep.

Course has now been confirmed and its in 3 weeks time. He probably won't know anyone on it. I have spoken to NCS and they have been brilliant and we have identified areas where he may struggle so that they can put plans in place - they even said if he can't cope with other people then they will try to get him in his own tent as opposed to sharing with 5 others. They also said that no-one will force him to speak in front of other people if he isn't able to. I have told him all of this.

Last night at 11.30PM, he woke me up and asked me to cancel it - he is dreading it and he isn't ready. I said we'd chat tomorrow.

I had a brief talk with him this evening and he really doesn't want to go - I think the idea itself wasn't too daunting, but now he's had the confirmation email he has realised what it involves. Strangers. Crowds, and dirt.

I really think it would be beneficial for him and they sound like they will be very sensitive to his needs BUT I don't want to push him into something he will hate so I'm not sure how far I go trying to convince him. He is fretting about not getting the money back as well - I have told him not to worry about that - it wasn't a lot and its not something he needs to consider. I was so proud of him deciding that he should do the course, and whilst the about-turn doesn't really surprise me, I am not sure that insisting he do something not -in-his-nature is actually a positive thing.

any words of wisdom oh mnetters?

OP posts:
thekewgirl · 12/06/2023 18:41

I can't offer too many words of wisdom but I have a very similar child. DS is 15 and sounds very similar to your DS. Mine has been diagnosed with some neurodiverse conditions - he has OCD (germs) dyslexia, dyspraxia and dysgraphia. His brother has ADHD and Tourette's.

My DS very rarely leaves the house but has started to do DofE. He completed Bronze and now on Silver and I would say it has massively helped him. He has had to go on camping trips / volunteer etc. it hasn't changed his life but it gives him interests and expands his horizons and I think it gives him an inner confidence.

As he won't know anyone could you suggest he gives it 2 days and if he hates it he can leave? Then no one need know and he won't feel that people will say anything? Or is that too unfair on the course leaders?

thesugarbumfairy · 13/06/2023 18:32

thanks for your response. I think I will call NCS and ask them if it is ok to pull him out if it is too much, and double check about getting his own tent, then I'll talk to him after his last exam is over.

OP posts:
TheFlis12345 · 13/06/2023 18:36

I used to do some work with NCS. The amount of teens (and parents) I spoke to who admitted they had been reluctant but are so glad they went as it completely changed their lives was quite astounding. I really would do all you can to encourage him to at least give it a go.

There will be plenty of kids who are nervous and in the same situation, the activities are geared up to help them all interact and make friends.

thesugarbumfairy · 13/06/2023 19:25

thank you @TheFlis12345 . I really would like him to do it. I think that he is ready even if he doesn't. I'm just trying not to steamroller him into it.

OP posts:
Lamelie · 13/06/2023 19:32

Is it still £50?
DD1 refused, DD2 phoned up and cancelled and DS1 wanted to go and had a great time. Dd1 later worked as supervisor- spoke very highly of the experience the children were having. Both DDs then did ics and are now very gainfully employed- it was the making of their post grad job applications.
Can you afford to lose the cost- if so I’d tell him you won’t cancel but you want him to try it.

ODFOx · 13/06/2023 19:35

The residential will be in the last week. Can he do the first week to see how he goes and if he can make connections/meet a few people he can work with ?
If he hates it he doesn't need to go back.

2bazookas · 13/06/2023 19:38

Toughen up.

Tell him he chose it; so he must follow through., he's going.

ODFOx · 13/06/2023 19:41

I think it is worth it. DS (autistic) struggled but persevered and 7 years on still keeps in touch with his team and they still do an annual (smaller) charity event.
It was really good for him to learn to work with people he wouldn't necessarily have been friends with.

KnickerlessParsons · 13/06/2023 19:42

DD really didn't want to do it. I wanted her to.
I told her that if she went and still hated it after 3 days, I'd go and get her.
She texted me the first night to say she was loving it.

It was honestly the making of DD. She left for the first week a child and by the end of the whole course, she'd become a responsible woman*

*that's an exaggeration but she really did seem to grow up over the four weeks.

PutThatDownNow · 13/06/2023 19:45

DS1 is now 24. Still in touch with people from his group. Told me he met people he never would have met otherwise. It was an excellent experience and he got loads out of it. The group was v supportive.

thesugarbumfairy · 13/06/2023 22:33

its only a 4 night/5 day residential so I think they have changed the format since some of your dcs have done it. However you have all convinced me it that need to be a bit firmer with him

(Its £95 for the poster who asked - and he actually offered to pay me it not to go - he is a saver - but id rather he go)

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