Teenagers and withdrawing privileges

[Kitkattt]

So my DS is obsessed with his game. It’s all he wants to do.
he doesn’t seem to have any hobbies but part of me thinks at least he is communicating with friends online. DH thinks he should be doing other things. Cricket and rugby or anything really.

His grades have been slipping and he has GCSEs next year. I admit I’ve let him get away with doing what he wants. He got really badly bullied and was really lonely but has now made some friends and I am just so happy to hear him laugh again.

He has had a few detentions for forgetting homework and DH is super cross. He’s said that he’s limiting his game for 1.5 hours a day and 3 hours each day at the weekend.

DS is now not talking to us. I feel really upset for him and like we’ve overreacted. But I know I’m a much more lenient parent. Or am I s lazy parent who just wants a happy life. I always think my teens are super easy compared to others but maybe that’s because im just letting them do what they want.

I just worry that taking away the one thing he likes will demotivate him and he’ll just not do any homework in protest.

I am reading this and think I sound like a right wet wipe.

I think 1.5 hours a day on gaming is more than enough for a 14/15 year old.

I'd be encouraging other extra curricular activities where he actually meets people. I don't think you're doing him any favours by letting him game a lot tbh.

Don't worry if he's not talking to you for a bit...he will come round

@Dacadactyl thankyou for your reply. I didn’t know if we were being awful.

I agree the time limits are sensible, but am concerned it is being done as a punishment? Gaming is like eating ice cream. Limiting a consumption is for your health, not as punishment. So I do think that you and DH should have a chat with DS about it isn’t a punishment, that he seems to be verging towards gaming addiction ( forgetting homework is a symptom of addictive behaviour) and you’ve set limits to show him that he needs to self-regulate gaming time.

My DD is 16 and she's had her phone removed for 2 weeks in the past, but if she was a gamer id have removed that for 2 weeks, full stop. I don't think you're being harsh, but try to explain why you're doing it to him. Or write it down and give it to him if he won't engage. And tell him you love him too, but don't back down once the words "you are only having this for 1.5 hours" have left your mouth.

Yes I agree you need to frame it as a "this is for your own good, organisation, mental health etc"

Excellent post. Agree💯

I'm not a great believer in 'withdrawing privileges' but rather 'natural consequences'.

DS is spending too much time gaming to the detriment of other healthier activities & his school work. So a natural consequence is having less screen time.
That's the way to explain your choices.

Perhaps have a discussion about the non-negotiables - eg making sure all homework / other essential chores are done before gaming and a latest time for playing so he gets a reasonable amount of sleep, rather than a time limit as such?

Hi all! Thanks so much.
this is how my husband has framed it. ‘ you aren’t doing anything else and we need to step in to help you with that’
interestingly it’s me that’s called it withdrawing privileges as if it’s a punishment. I think it’s as I feel bad. I’m such a people pleaser I struggle upsetting anyone even if it’s for their own good.

These are all brilliant things to say. I will definitely use them all ( when he is speaking to me again )