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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Dd14 shoplifting

14 replies

Ginseng1 · 25/05/2023 22:06

Got a call from security local Primark. DD caught red handed shoplifting couple small items. She was with a friend who had nothing. They both had bought stuff. They had money - I had just given her money because her birthday coming up & money for food. They had to sit (both wailing) in security office for half hour until I got there. Am so raging & disappointed with her brought them straight home, she's grounded & no phone. But what to do? While her friend had nothing she was egging her on & they thought it was great laugh at the time?? But her friend smart enough not to put stuff in her bag. So worried. DD a clever girl herself but she's SO easily led I wish she'd stick up for herself & have a mind of her own with her peers. So what to do re this & how to make DD more of an independent thinker.

OP posts:

Peckhaminn24 · 25/05/2023 22:11

Hi op, hopefully this should scare her enough to not do it again. Speaking from experience, my friend egged me on when I was the same age. We were in boots and I really want a foundation but obviously could not afford it. I picked the sticker off and pondered about before putting it back because I was too scared. I still got caught by security when I went to leave as they had seen me do it and I never ever did it again. So lesson learnt. Just hopefully she learns to not let her friends influence her.

cestlavielife · 25/05/2023 22:19

Next time leave her wailing for longer.
Tell her that
If there is a next time you will leave her squirming and wailing for three hours.

Original poster

Ginseng1 · 26/05/2023 00:14

Thanks so much @Peckhaminn24 - I so want her to stand on her own two feet & I know we all did daft things as teens to impress our peers!
@cestlavielife - yes definitely will tell her next time it'll be longer. the wailing & squirming is right with two security guards lecturing (but so nice tbf) & a female office worker as chaperone - the girls looked a pathetic pair!

OP posts:

Hawkins0001 · 26/05/2023 00:17

Basically trust no one, when the chips are down, so to speak, you can never be sure of people's true loyalties.

WouldYouLikeACrabPuff · 26/05/2023 00:25

I'm sorry, it must be upsetting, especially if she has money! was she taking things for her friend too? What did the store say? I assume they're banned?

lljkk · 26/05/2023 05:16

yeah.... my dad is in criminal law, gets asked a lot of questions, including in context of "OMG what do I do? My son is in jail, he just got arrested!"

Dad's foremost advice is always "Leave him there For 3 days." Logic being is that the client will do exactly anything & everything their lawyer says after 3 days in jail. All the swagger gone. So harsh, but ... there's method to it.

Original poster

Ginseng1 · 26/05/2023 07:28

The security guy was nice actually privately he said to me they get girls like this all the time stealing stupid small bits seems like for the hell of it. (Say he thinks spoilt brats like!) She says after they would have shared the stuff but I don't know. It's a very large busy store they not banned but I doubt she'll want to show her face in there for a long time.

OP posts:

EverythingsCominUpMilhouse · 26/05/2023 07:36

Oh bless, I feel for you. This sucks, and it sounds like DD got a real fright.

I'm sure this experience will stay with her for the rest of her life and will deter her from stealing in the future and also from being so easily lead by other people.

Definitely talk to her about how important it is that she thinks for herself, applies her own judgement to situations and stands her ground. Peer pressure is just going to increase over the next few years in other areas and she needs to know that she will be held responsible for her actions alone, even if it was someone else's idea.

happinessischocolate · 26/05/2023 08:33

Depends how she's reacting now, if she seems genuinely remorseful/scared by the experience then I would hope she's learnt her lesson.

If she's making excuses and doesn't seem remorseful I'd remove something of hers that she really likes, not her phone, but some new clothes or something. Make her realise how it feels when something is stolen from you

Original poster

Ginseng1 · 26/05/2023 12:49

She's not making excuses she knows she in the wrong & it was stupid thing to do. She's remorseful, but is it more cos she's now grounded & it's a beautiful sunny weekend & all her friends out & about enjoying themselves as opposed to genuinely sorry for the act itself am not sure. Am worried that underneath she thinking it was only a couple small bits what's the deal (wouldn't dare that to us but just have a worry about that she thinks she's all grown up but very immature & insecure in reality)

OP posts:

quiteoldad · 11/09/2023 20:28

Don't worry, @Ginseng1, nearly every teenager will make a stupid choice in their teens. My daughter got caught on her first, very amateurish shoplifting attempt whilst she was in year 9. Urban Outfitters handled it very well. Me and mum were called down and in the back office, daughter and her accomplice were given a dressing down by assistant manager in the presence of the security guard. Assistant manager pitched it at just the right level, daughter was mortified and in tears and parents were dissappointed ( with her behaviour... not that she'd been caught) Assistant manager could tell that these were two silly girls rather than hardened criminals. No criminal proceedings but, they did get a 12 month exclusion order barring them from every retailer in that Birmingham shopping centre that was participating in the "Stop Crime" initiative. Neither she nor her mate did it again...... though daughter has recently confessed that in her student years she did try to pass off an avocado as a carrot at a self checkout. (Don't ask me how) Anyway, roll on 8 years from the shoplifting and she got a job with the civil service, working in the Treasury in Whitehall as a policy advisor on their graduate scheme. So a bit of shoplifting at 15 isn't always that bad.

Pammy28 · 28/01/2024 02:15

Once start with smaller items , what will she do next? She will eventually get caught. Tell her once she is 18, she will go inside, not nice believe me. A life of crime does not pay!!

Ladybrrrd · 28/01/2024 02:40

I'd stay away from language like 'easily led'. She's responsible for her own actions. There will be people around her making bad choices all around her, all the time. She must know that she was responsible too, so if she's trying to blame any of it on the friend, shut that down.

Perhaps work out the value of whatever she's stole and encourage her to donate that value to a charity when she next has money. Other than that I don't think there's much more to do. You've grounded etc.

But yes, hopefully she's suitably mortified. Admittedly I was a little light fingered in my youth occasionally... Pick and Mix mostly 🤣 haven't done it since - I'm sure she'll grow out of it.

SueBranchers · 28/01/2024 08:35

It should have taught her a lesson, but if not then sit her down and tell her she can go to young offenders. Not true LOL, but would certainly stop her doing it again.

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