Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenage relationship breakups

11 replies

shmiz · 24/05/2023 18:01

Hi folks -
i think we are heading towards our first proper teenage breakup ??
15 yr old DD has been with 16 yr old boyfriend for nearly a year -
it’s been intense, mostly good fun for them both, he’s been at our house loads, and despite us banging on about maintaining friendships outside of this relationship, both of them have been overly invested in each other to the expense of friendships
over last few months they have got more irritable with each other, he has GCSE’s she’s got mocks coming up,
things seem to be fizzling out
less contact …
cancelled plans on both sides
Hes not responding to her messages for last few days
she doesn’t seem to be acknowledging that it is actually fizzling out
I dread the emotional fallout
the tears
the lonliness
the heartbreak
I literally feel sick with dread with what is to come …
I never thought it would last forever -
totally expected to be going through this at some point
but now it’s happening, I feel overwhelmed with the prospect of a massive emotional rollercoaster….
DD has been very challenging at times with emotional difficulties,
i don’t think I would ever be ready to go into emotional crisis with her again …
and it feels like I’m powerlessly drifting into a tornado 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲

OP posts:
Slavica · 25/05/2023 06:10

I hope you get a reply from someone who has been through it, but I just wanted to say I have been dreading the same thing. It is so hard to put all of this into perspective, and while you know it's normal and to be expected, the thought of the emotional hurt your child will go through/is experiencing is just dreadful.
Maybe prepare yourself for possible issues that might arise, such as advising her not to drag it out on SM or minimize contact after the breakup. Think of ways to support her that don't feel over the top (day trips perhaps, or low key fun activities).

shmiz · 25/05/2023 15:02

Thank you @Slavica !
DD hasn’t quite yet accepted that it’s over -
when it really looks like it is ….
still bracing for the fallout !!
will hold her tight and weather it with her

OP posts:
liveforsaturday · 29/05/2023 06:00

Hey @shmiz

I went through a couple of really hard breakups in my teenage years (23 now for reference).

My mum was really good and I’m sure you will be as well if it comes to it.

The best thing you can do for her is make sure you keep her busy and not give her time to dwell on things.

Hopefully her friends will also support her and try to do lots of stuff with her, but you just want to do little things like watch films together in the evenings after school rather than let her sit in her room. Go for walks now it’s summer (don’t know if you have a dog). Days out when you can.

Nothing is going to make her feel better so the best thing you can do is stop her from focussing on it. I hope this helps.

PS it might be cliche but ice cream really is good as well.

shmiz · 29/05/2023 11:41

Hi @liveforsaturday
such good advice thank u !!!
I’ve been trying to be supportive by asking how she is, being available to talk and she’s been telling me stop asking I don’t want to think about it !
she had friends round last night
she’s still seeing the boyfriend but they are ‘colder’ than before, I think they are a bit scared to let go but not feeling it anymore ??
anyway, my plan is keep her busy and stop myself overthinking!!!

OP posts:
Slavica · 29/05/2023 13:40

anyway, my plan is keep her busy and stop myself overthinking!!!

That sounds good - if you're anything like me, the former will be much easier than the latter. Good luck to both of you!

mondaytosunday · 29/05/2023 14:46

Sounds like you are more upset than she is! Stop asking her about it! It's run it's course and it seems to be mutual from what you've said. Leave it be.

mumofblu · 31/05/2023 07:04

It's really hard but unavoidable

cuckyplunt · 31/05/2023 07:11

I genuinely loved my DD’s first boyfriend, they were together 18 months and he was like part of the family. I was upset when they split up, but absolutely accepted it and supported her.
She hates him now, I listen to her criticism of him and don’t say anything. I am sure that with time she will have a more nuanced view of the time they had together. In the meantime I wish him well, bless him!

incognito50me · 16/09/2023 06:28

My DD is now going through it. They've been very full on from the getgo, each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend. Officially together for 6 months but emotionally involved for almost a year. A nice boy.

I've noticed a change in the past two weeks, he's been less available (blamed it on exams in school, but it felt off to me). Came to a head last night and he told her he doesn't want to break up, but "wants less contact". She knows what that means, but is hoping it'll pass. She's still besotted and a breakup will absolutely not be mutual.

I wish he would just break up; I understand it's hard - he's a 15 year old boy and I believe he does not want to hurt her, he's not being mean-spirited, just lost feelings, it seems.

She has tests in school in the coming two weeks. Even before, studying was not a priority and now I'm afraid she won't be able to get past her emotional state enough to study.

The two of us have had a rocky relationship for the last year or so, partly due to her disregarding everything in favor of her boyfriend and friends (including lying to us, lack of respect). She has good friends to support her through this, but how I wish I could wipe away this pain. As she really does love him. I heard her crying intermittently during the night, I've been crying too - as ridiculous as that sounds!

The one piece of advice I did give her was to try not to drag it out, as it's worse that way. It's easy enough to give advice and hard to take it, especially from your mother, I'm sure. None of her good friends have gone through a breakup yet (two have never had a boyfriend, a third is still with her first boyfriend).

Thank you for reading, if you've made it this far. I feel so helpless.

incognito50me · 16/09/2023 07:25

Update: he told her he doesn't want to break up and asked for another chance.
She's doing ok, for the moment.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page