Daughter touched inappropriately at school.

[Redtulip2]

Please can I have some advice on how best to deal with an incident that happened to my DD15 today?

She's in year 10, I'm biased of course but she's a genuinely great kid, never caused me a moments concern.

There's a boy in her class who has made the odd flirtatious comment to her, said he wants to marry her, innocent stuff, but it's really progressed today when in a class he kept stroking her hair, then her back and also messing with her bra strap through her blouse. She told him repeatedly to stop but he didn't. She moved, he followed her and did it again. Made some very crude comments about what he wanted to do to her. This was in a sports class. She then told the teacher. The boy called my daughter a weirdo to the teacher and denied everything.

This was in the morning and DD was left distressed all day. No call home to me to explain what had happened, nothing. She came home and was really shaken. Phoned school and there's no one there by the time she got back so will have to speak with them on Monday. She couldn't contact me as it's strictly no phones.

I want this dealing with appropriately and not swept under the carpet. What should I expect the school to do? I want the boy's parents involved and him to have consequences. That's not unreasonable, is it? Other children witnessed this, so there is no doubting DD's version of events. I'm so angry with both the boy and school.

This would be a huge deal at the school I work at.

You need to speak to the safeguarding lead on Monday. The event/complaint should have been recorded and dealt with. Although they can't tell you how they've dealt with the boy, they can tell you how they're supporting DD.

The school should have a policy for Sexual Violence Sexual Harm (SVSH) and they should take this very seriously. Many secondary schools have implemented a simple reporting button on their website too so it's worth having a look there. But definitely contact the school on Monday
I hope your daughter is OK.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/review-of-sexual-abuse-in-schools-and-colleges/review-of-sexual-abuse-in-schools-and-colleges

Read this if you have time before Monday

Ugh boys/ men. I’ve no advice but damn right the school need to take this seriously. Good luck and love to your daughter

Look on the school website for who is the safeguarding lead. There should be a contact email for them. It’ll usually be one of the senior leaders. Send an email over the weekend so that they see it first thing on Monday. This is awful
snd needs to be properly dealt with!!

You make it very clear that if the school don't act appropriately that you will get the police involved.

https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/rsa/rape-and-sexual-assault/what-is-rape-and-sexual-assault/

Thank you all so much. I'm fortunate that I've never had to deal with school about anything serious so I wasn't sure what to do and had no idea about what safe guarding policies are in place.

I'll have a read through that link, thank you.

I'm really going to push this with the school. DD is OK, we've a nice weekend planned which I'm getting her to focus on. She's cried a lot and we've talked it through as much as she wanted to.

Yep- have a look at school website- they should have safeguarding details on there. A similar thing happened in my child's class (not to her personally but her friend). The girl involved eventually told a teacher and then it turned out that the boy had been doing it to lots of girls. Unwanted dick pics, sexual suggestions, the whole lot. Senior management took it very seriously.

It should have already been reported as a safeguarding concern by the teacher. Have you checked if they have a way of reporting a safeguarding issue on the school website? You could fill that in now and then contact again on Monday to confirm it has been received and I'd personally ask for a meeting with the head of year as they are likely to know the pupils involved best. Just be aware they won't be able to give you any details on what has been done with regards to the other child, be prepared for that being the case.

I’m shocked reading them. This is a significant safeguarding concern. The school have failed here and need to be reported to social services along with them managing this incident appropriately. I hope they sort it out on Monday and your daughter can try forget it for the weekend and you all enjoy it @Redtulip2

If the teacher hasn't reported this they have messed up. It sounds like they haven't though, or your daughter would have been spoken to at the very least.

Don't wait until Monday, send your email over the weekend. This needs to be taken very seriously.

I hope she's ok.

I would keep her at home Monday morning until senior staff have been made aware and a plan to ensure the boy is kept separate from her has been agreed. The worst thing would be for her to go in unprepared and have to face him, knowing that at any moment someone will be coming to speak to them both.

Never mind the school, by all means chase it up but that’s not going to reinstate your daughters confidence.
You need to empower your daughter to deal with situations like this confidently in future. Me and my daughter have recently taken up Krav Maga together, the organisation i train with is run by women and part of a world wide group called #500rising

If you can’t make your no mean no then your yes doesn’t mean yes.
Give your daughter the skills to feel untouchable to the hands of boys like this again. By all means hold the school accountable but at 15 it’s not that long till your daughter will be dealing with this kind of behaviour from strangers who don’t have a school to hold them accountable.

Now that I can do a 360 defence and break a wrist grab without breaking a sweat I am no longer anxious about harassment as anyone who tried that shit with me now will go home wishing they picked a softer target.

This is classed as Child-on-child abuse. It sounds like the school have already not dealt with this in the appropriate manner. The teacher should have recorded everything that your daughter told them and reported immediately to the designated safeguarding lead. I would have expected the DSL to have spoken to your daughter on Friday if the report had been made.

Second what others have said check the school website to see who the DSL (usually a member of the leadership team) and details of their Safeguarding policies. Send an email now stating that you want a meeting with them immediately. The school have really failed in their duties to your daughter so far. I would be coming down really hard.