teenagers and cars

[anastasia74]

Anyone out there who can give me some advice. My daughter is 17 and has recently started getting friendly with a boy who has recently passed his driving test. This boy who I dont know at all tends to turn up and give her lifts back from cinema etc, along with his and her mates. She says he is not her boyfriend, so will not introduce him to me. so I am worried that he is flying around with his car full of friends, giving lifts etc. any suggestions of how I can get through to her about dangers. You hear so much these days about teenage car crashes. thanks

urgh this kind of thing makes my blood run cold too. insurance rates are sky high for 17 year old boys because they do have crashes, BUT loads of them are fine or have the odd near miss that it's best for us not to know about and teaches them to be careful. I would approach it by doing the old 'humour me because i love you - do you feel safe with him as a driver? are there any passengers that you think encourage him to drive carelessly' and give her a letout clause - tell her you will fund a taxi home/collect her if she feels unsafe (I give my kids 'vouchers' for this kind of thing to make it a joke).

useful article for both of you:

here

Oh God, my dd is also 17 and in the past year she too has loads of newly driving friends.

It is a huge worry, and I have no idea what you can say to her, but I think regardless of whether he is a boyfriend or not, you do have a right to meet him if she is going to be regularly taking lifts from him.
Of course meeting him may not reassure you in any way

Get her to at least promise you she will never get in a car without wearing a seat belt, or get in with a driver who has been drinking.

From mta's link:

I have always banged on about this to my kids - public transport is not v good here (quite rural), lots of kids get their own cars at 17/18, quite a few of those don't make 20 and my kids have known some of them, so they are aware what can happen. I think the kids who buy their own cars are more sensible about drinking etc than the ones who borrow their parents' cars, or the rich kids who have one bought for them

I agree with potoftea, if she at least always wears a seatbelt - and doesn't ever get into a car where there are more passengers than belts - and is aware of what can happen - she is about as safe as she can be at 17.

(A friend of DS1's wrote off her car not long ago because she clipped a kerb and the car somersaulted. She walked away, luckily - and she was the only one in the car - but I think RoSPA should use stunt drivers to film the possible results of a minor incident like that and show them to all 17-21 year olds on a regular basis)

This is one of my worst nightmares too - you suddenly realise that 'I'm getting a lift home with Emma' no longer necessarily means it's Emma's parent who is doing the driving...

I think a lot of the teenage crashes are down to the fact that they learn to drive with two people in the front of a small car & then when they have passed, they cram 3 big guys in the back & don't realise how the weight affects the steering.

My kids tell me I'm worry too much, but at least some of it seems to have rubbed off on DD who has bought herself a breath test thing to go on her keychain - I have no idea how effective it is but she says that it does mean her friends know how she feels about it & it kind of increases awareness. I'm not sure that's the kind of thing that would work if initiated by a parent though, it would probably seem too controlling.

i do my absolute best to ensure that dd does not get into lads cars without us meeting them, sussing them out and letting them know there WILL be consiquences if they behave stupidly with our most precious possesion in their car (i mean a punch on the nose etc) so far our strategy has worked, mainly because that, actually, these are very decent kids.

this is from a 'wild-child' from 25 years ago who had a huge fixation for hairy arsed barstards with motorbikes, what i put my old mum through does not beat thinking about

DS1 rolled my car over within two weeks of passing his test. He did this whilst sober, on a clear mild night and on a road which though narrow was not muddy or slippery. The previous week he had given a girl a lift back to her home about 25 miles away from where we live (without asking my permission) on a major road infamous for accidents. He is a very nice boy but very few boys have enough appreciation of danger when they pass their test. Many of his friends had accidents shortly after passing the test. They are all "nice" boys at a good school, not tearaways, but at that age they all have a certain bravado combined with lack of experience that is terrifying.

i know just what you mean lilymaid - it's that sense of immortality that is the most dangerous factor with young people, as with anything bad, dangerous, etc'it will never happen to them' in their view

i just wish my imagination was as limited as theirs!

thanks a lot for all your comments I will show her the leaflet from AA. Hopefully she will be a little wiser.

Lancashire is using a DVD called Missing Matthew as part of their young driver education.

You can watch it here - please show it to all your teenagers - the first part is only 10 minutes. It's heartbreaking.

I think I might do that, anastasia74 with my 17 yo ds, he is a sensible lad but will he be in his dad's car? Top Gear type programme should be more responsible as they appeal to his age.

He might have to save for his own anyway, at the moment he is at 6th form college and is finding a job difficult anyway with having only weekends and college holidays available to him.

He doesn't seem too bothered about learning at the moment although it may be that he has to learn to drive in order to get a job as most are not on the bus routes and his father or myself cannot always take him.