Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Worried about my daughter

13 replies

noideabutstilltrying · 16/05/2023 21:36

My daughter is 15 and has been struggling with her mental for almost 2 years.

We have a social worker who is part time so not able to help for 3 days of the week.

My daughter has refused to attend school. She will have 1 day attendance in 3 weeks.

She is seeing an 18 year old.

Last night I prevented her from leaving the house to meet this boy.

Things escalated and she ended up grabbing a kitchen knife and threatening to hurt herself and waving it at me and my son who is 18 and was trying to calm his sister down.

My daughter was kicking and punching walls as well as stabbing the knife into the dining room table.

My daughter was arrested for affray and was kept in the cells until 4 this morning

The officer advised that my daughter had injured her foot during this breakdown. My daughter doesn't remember any of the incident. It was like she was possessed.

Today we have been at A&E getting her injured foot checked out. I have been trying to get her some assistance for her mental health after what happened as I don't feel that I am able to keep her safe from hurting herself or others

This evening she has disappeared again. She won't tell me where she is, only that she'll be home when she's done.

The school, GP and social workers have all been poor.

The mental health team have offered a wellbeing referral. This is something which we have already had and we are on the waiting list.

This doesn't feel like normal teenage acting up.

I don't know what to do to keep her safe and what else I can do to try and get her treatment.

Any advice would be gratefully received

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 16/05/2023 21:38

Has she got another year at school ?

Original poster
noideabutstilltrying · 17/05/2023 07:00

Yes, she's currently in year 10

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 17/05/2023 07:26

Maybe try school safeguarding as she’s under age, disappearing with him, and now been in trouble with the police. Also contact the pastoral team and say you need help.
Id be making sure she’s on contraception and has access to condoms.
And I’d do anything to keep her in school and doing her GCSE’s. Is there any hobbies she does ? Would she get a weekend job to keep her busy ? Is there a summer holiday booked ?
Its about keeping her busy and unavailable to him, without letting her know.

Original poster
noideabutstilltrying · 17/05/2023 07:34

I have spoken to the safeguarding lead and advised of the issues that my girl is having and tried to get advice. They can't do much much when she won't attend

She access to contraception.

We encourage her to participate with her hobby. This has been difficult and now can't happen due to a broken foot.

I am out on visits for work today and am going to take her with me as I don't feel it's safe to leave her at home.

It's exhausting and I know this can't continue but after speaking with multiple people I don't seem to be getting anywhere

OP posts:
intothegreek · 17/05/2023 07:54

I've just read a book called blame my brain that gave me a good insight into teen behaviour and brain development. It really helped. No other advice as I'm on the same spot but there's a lot of info out there about anti ally stepping back as opposed to being more militant. Taking a 15 year old to work sounds oppressive. What are the chances of her hurting herself if the trigger (you trying to stop her doing stuff) is at work? She could technically move out within a year, she needs to learn to self manage and make some mistakes while you're there to pick up the pieces. I'm at a loss too so I feel your pain

Original poster
noideabutstilltrying · 17/05/2023 08:26

It's exhausting, she's asleep at the moment.

I'm going to leave her asleep as she not switching off at any point

I could do with some headspace after a full on couple of days with her

My job is pretty demanding with multiple people on each case to keep happy.

Just being pulled in so many directions.

Trying to keep a lid on the situation with my daughter as my son starts his A level exams next week!

OP posts:
intothegreek · 17/05/2023 08:34

I'm the same, work for nhs, constant calls from school, it's a nightmare

HUGanALPACA · 17/05/2023 08:37

Sorry you are having such a hard time. I have been through something similar with my daughter.

in our situation i stopped preventing her from leaving the house and switched to making sure she was as safe as possible when she left, especially if she was upset. We agreed on safe places (friends’ and family’s homes) that she could go to if she needed somewhere to be other than home. She knew no matter what had gone on at home, if she felt unsafe she cd call me, day or night.

strongly recommend you read up and watch some videos on Borderline Personality Disorder (aka emotionally unstable personality disorder). Even if she doesn’t tick all the boxes, it sounds like some of them she does.

Following on from this is how you treat / respond to her behaviour from a position of care. If your daughter won’t accept help (it was the same for us) you can still apply lots of the principles of dialectic behaviour therapy. It was transformative in our household - we used dbt to underpin our parenting. Again, tonnes online about this.

incidentally, the contraceptive implant didn’t work emotionally for her as it exacerbated her moods. However, it did prevent pregnancy.

Take care. Even if it seems hopeless and relentless it really can get better xx

Original poster
noideabutstilltrying · 17/05/2023 08:40

Thank you all for responding

I am concerned about hormonal contraception as I know it can either help or make things worse.

Not sure her brother and I can cope with her being worse at the moment!

I am pleased to hear that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I will spend some time looking at the information you Have said helped

OP posts:
AxolotlOnions · 17/05/2023 11:59

Any autism in the family? She sounds a little like me as a teen.

intothegreek · 18/05/2023 06:50

@AxolotlOnions I definitely think that's what's going on with my daughter. Not much sign of it on a normal day but when she's stressed it's a meltdown. Her dad has it also so it's probably the root. Worth a thought op

OldPerson · 26/10/2023 14:35

You've crossed over the critical/life-threatening stage. You/your child needs professional help. There is nothing you have done which has worked. I'd be calling social services and admit failure. Or I'd disengage in your mind your daughter's sex life and failure at school. She's not going to stop having sex (although if lucky, you might persuade her to have a 3-monthly contraception injection) and she's going to fail at school. You can't stop either of these things happening. It's a lost battle. But there are still many opportunities for people who don't have qualifications. I'd put her into social services care, take the stress of school off her, and visit her regularly to discuss what future she wants. And support your son through his A-levels. Your daughter's distress is not as time-relevant as your son's.

wishmyhousetidy · 26/10/2023 16:37

OldPerson · 26/10/2023 14:35

You've crossed over the critical/life-threatening stage. You/your child needs professional help. There is nothing you have done which has worked. I'd be calling social services and admit failure. Or I'd disengage in your mind your daughter's sex life and failure at school. She's not going to stop having sex (although if lucky, you might persuade her to have a 3-monthly contraception injection) and she's going to fail at school. You can't stop either of these things happening. It's a lost battle. But there are still many opportunities for people who don't have qualifications. I'd put her into social services care, take the stress of school off her, and visit her regularly to discuss what future she wants. And support your son through his A-levels. Your daughter's distress is not as time-relevant as your son's.

We have been in exactly same position as Op and you cannot just put your child ‘into care’ the system does not work like that.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page