Advice on motivating academically unmotivated 14 year old boy

[LizzyBizzyLizzy]

My son is 14 (year 9) and does not have much self-motivation when it comes to doing self-directed study. His school set hardly any homework and my understanding is that the expectation is that it should be self-directed. He did well in his latest exams but I literally had to micro-manage his revision. It was stressful for both of us and I was sometimes met with a lot of resistance. He didn't know how to revise and some subjects (especially science) we had to start from square one because he seemingly hadn't retained anything from lessons. It was painful tbh. If I'd not helped him I don't think he would have done nearly as much as he needed to. As he's starting GCSE's in June I'd like him to get off on a good footing by doing a little bit of self directed study each week, to reduce the risk of complete overwhelm / last minute cramming when it comes to his exams. But I've got no idea how to put this in place with a 14 year old boy, without pushing him the other way. Or is it time for him to get on with it himself and find his own pathway. He's definitely got potential (especially with my micro-managing!)

Can you ask school for some help/ guidance? Are there any structured subject revision study style books you could buy that he can follow or online tutoring sessions?

Well I cat be of any use. Both of mine are rubbish at revision, it returned out to be Inattentive ADHD.

If you're really keen on motivating him, it could work to add an immediate short-term reward such as financial motivation for good grades or even directly for the study periods.

That won't necessarily translate into longer term motivation or habits, but it's probably less stressful than micromanaging?

Thanks, this is what I'm thinking might work....but still not sure it would be enough to motivate him. I will try though. Maybe a Just Eat or X box voucher at the end of the month if he does enough extra work.

@LizzyBizzyLizzy Talk to him about the future and how he is going to afford things like if he drops his mobile phone and it dies, will he be able to pay for it? Same for latest games, console, headphones, nights out with mates, clothes, shoes whatever is his currency, something he understands.

With mine I used teachers as an example of a job you need a degree for, they can relate to it. I sat with them as they looked up teacher salaries, ran that through a mortgage calculator for them to see what you can buy locally on that salary. Then hit them with all the outgoings they will have, some they will know such as gas and electricity but what about council tax, house insurance, broadband, how much food costs for supermarket shopping etc. Will they want a car? Insurance, servicing, petrol. Now is the time for them to know how much a car costs, a holiday. Tell him you want him to have all these things, to have a great life with money to spend.

Now do the same with minimum wage jobs and also look up Spareroom for rooms to rent in your area so they can see the rental market too as well as house buying. This is all leading to the better you do at GCSE the better your A level results will be and if you want to go to university then do you want all doors to be open to you or closed? If you are predicted BCC then that rules out a lot of university courses. Predicted AAA then you have far more choice.

Jobs wise, if he wants to work, who will they employ? Who will he be up against and will his grades and effort make him top of the pile? Explain the grade curve that grade boundaries move every year, the more people who do better than you the lower your grade. That means some children sitting a GCSE will be forced to get grade 3 or below. So when he starts GCSE content start making revision stuff from it, make flash cards as he goes along to save him a load of time at the end. Plus he will be tested on these things as he goes along so he will have already prepared revision stuff whilst it was fresh in his head.

We rewarded effort for attitude to learning at school, engagement in class and with homework. This went hand in hand with general attitude at home, mucking in when required, doing gardening work, tip runs, unpacking supermarket shopping etc with no complaints. They then get gaming computers because they have earned it. I know this might not work for some children but surely worth a try. Remind him that you love him and are willing to have him be pissed off at you for making him work because you can see the bigger picture.

My thinking is just that at 14 the reward centres of the brain are not fully developed, and long term rewards (like a better job, better uni etc) might as well be in 100 years time for all the good they will do in motivation, unless they happen to be a kid who is very motivated by grades in themselves. So you bring it closer and this makes it more tangible for him.

Monthly might be OK but how would you count that - every single day has to be a study session? One missed session = lost reward? This is likely to demotivate him if he misses one near the start of the month it will be "over", OTOH if you have a minimum number of study sessions each month the danger is he'll do the minimum and no more.

So I think you probably need something that is calculated by day e.g. 50p/£1 per day, so every session counts, or a shorter interval e.g. weekly, or just say you'll pay per result and leave the means to the better results up to him. This may actually work well as you could then do the same for year 10/11 and then if he doesn't do as well as he hoped in Y9 sats then he has a chance to improve at the next stage.

I the same boat - I've tried rewards / helped write revision notes etc and nothing works

motivation has to come from within and unfortunately they will have to learn the hard way

There are lots of videos from teenagers on YouTube who have done really well in their exams and they vlog how they organised themselves and revised. Perhaps watching some of these might help him plan and get him motivated early on.

Just to flag up that end of Y9 is the lowest motivation point. The next meaningful check in point is GCSE exams, which seem like they’re so far off. In the meantime, chn are studying loads of subjects they know they will drop. it’s all really meh.

My academic, motivated dd couldn’t give a toss at that point in year 9 and was talking about choosing the least academic options at 16 and 18 cause she couldn’t be bothered! She’s now at the end of y10 and ridiculously motivated. Everything has more of a purpose now.

Meanwhile, my ds is in y9 and now really cba.

It’s great that he did well in exams. It’s also great that you were able to identify that he needed help eg with science and intervene.

I really wouldn’t do the money/reward thing, but I do think setting aside regular time five days a week could be useful.

Does his school give him access to Seneca? My kids have found it really useful, and it means they don’t have to think about what/how to study. If your ds school doesn’t have access, you can still get him a free account. Lots of content, even on the free version. I would ignore all subjects your ds is dropping next year, and find out which exam boards his school uses for the GCSEs he is doing. Sign him up for those courses on Seneca and just get him to do those each week? Like I say, removes the hassle of having to work out what and how to study, but still embeds habit of regular study.

You could also body double if he studies downstairs, eg do work/admin near him at same time as he studies.

I think your relationship with him is the
most important thing. As others have said, you can lead a horse to water etc… so I’d trust him and trust the school to do their job and keep providing a supportive home environment. Maybe worth reflecting on your own feelings as parents about exams / achievement / self worth and how that might come out in how you parent. I’m saying this as a parent of 2 teens currently doing exams.

It's common for them not to know how to revise. Self directed study is hard. For perspective, my son was hopeless at revising and never did his homework, but became madly academic in sixth form when reality kicked in and ended up doing a top degree with great jobs prospects.

Thanks, very helpful advice. Can I ask out if interest why you wouldn't go down the reward route?

Thank you there are so many useful tips here, I really appreciate it and it's reassuring to hear that his motivation may kick in later. I definitely have my own issues about academic work as I was really motivated but it was my way of feeling self-worth. I think I feel I need to do what I can to stop him risking failure, which I know is wrong on my part. But on the other hand, aside from my own stuff, I know GCSEs are hard with so much content and I want him to have the best chance possible and a little bit of structuring from me won't do any harm (hopefully!) I'm still weighing up the idea of rewarding him for study time....

I used to be quite anti rewards, but I've changed my mind I think they can be a useful interim method to induce motivation, IF motivation is the issue, and AS LONG as you recognise it's not a long term solution - it will stop working as soon as you stop the reward.

There was a thread not long ago about paying for exam results, and I was aghast and then I read it and changed my mind. I'll see if I can find it.