Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

Vapes - 14 yo

17 replies

TheOrigRights · 16/05/2023 10:30

A month ago, caught DS vaping in my garden office.
About 3 weeks ago I found another in his pillow case.
Smelt it in his bedroom yesterday evening and have found 4 in a coat pocket this morning. I don't invade his privacy unless I have concerns - he knows this.

He had money for the first 2 times, but I don't know where he got the recent ones from. He denies he's doing it.

I am most upset about him lying to me.
I am concerned that no one knows the long term affect, especially if they're doing it as growing teenagers.

I recognise that if he's going to be pushing boundaries and testing stuff then better it be a vape than cigarettes, but it's not much consolation tbh.

We do have a pretty good relationship. It's just me and him at home.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheOrigRights · 16/05/2023 10:30

I started this thread to see if anyone had any advice.

OP posts:

Tessisme · 16/05/2023 11:10

Sorry, no advice, just solidarity. I'm going through similar with my 14yo DS. I'm really upset and a bit shocked as he was always very scathing of kids in his school who vaped, talking about what idiots they were and how they were damaging their health. He says he tried it to fit in with a couple of kids who live locally. They aren't even his friends. And I agree, the lying is so hard to take. We thought he had stopped after we spoke to him the first time, but I could smell that strong fruity smell now and then and, after I confronted him, he admitted he hadn't really stopped. It's so frustrating that vaping has become a 'thing' among teenagers, when it was only ever supposed to be a route out of smoking. If they smelt of rotten leaves or cow manure instead of strawberries and candy floss, I doubt they'd be as popular. DS is now chewing gum, supposedly in an effort to stop vaping. The gum he was chewing yesterday was strawberry, so I'm a bit suspicious that he's deliberately chosen it as an explanation for any sweet smells around him. He's going through a few other tricky things at the moment, so it's been difficult to know how to handle it. I could see he was genuinely upset by how disappointed I was. I have told him he will have to work hard to build up the trust between us.

Original poster

TheOrigRights · 16/05/2023 16:25

Thank you @Tessisme, it does help to know others are dealing with the exact same thing.

I have not told him I found the 4 this morning. Have just removed them.

OP posts:

Daisypain · 16/05/2023 20:28

Why didn’t you tell him you
found them? Are you worried about confrontation with him? If so then why remove them at all?

Id be very upset my 14year old felt they could barefaced lie to me by just denying it in the face of all the evidence to the contrary. What is your relationship usually like? I’d expect at the least for him to explain what the pressure is, where they are coming from (?shoplifting).

Aquamarine1029 · 16/05/2023 20:30

Have him watch videos of the people on TikTok whose lungs have been destroyed by vaping. It's not pretty.

Daisypain · 16/05/2023 20:30

Do you think he wants you to know? Given he was vaping fairly openly at home and leaving them in his room and pockets? Is there something else going on and he wants the attention but isn’t sure how else to get it? (Teens can be weird like that)

Original poster

TheOrigRights · 17/05/2023 10:09

Daisypain · 16/05/2023 20:30

There's nothing going on that I know about, but I do think that even though he would never voice it (or maybe isn't even aware himself) that he's testing me to see how much of a free rein I'll give him. I think he's torn between being led by older kids doing this, that and the other and actually not wanting to at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheOrigRights · 17/05/2023 10:13

Daisypain · 16/05/2023 20:28

Why didn’t you tell him you
found them? Are you worried about confrontation with him? If so then why remove them at all?

He will know I have taken them. I took them so he doesn't smoke them and to show him that I know he's got them. I didn't need to tell him.
I've already talked to him, discussed it with him etc. What I don't want to do is close down him talking to me. If I come down on him like a tonne of bricks, or stop him seeing his friends I am concerned that he will rebel.

We have a pretty good relationship.

Yes, I am upset about the lying.

I am not really sure how to handle it. What would you do?

OP posts:

siriusblackcat · 19/05/2023 11:04

Following as in the same boat. Was clearing bin bags out of DD's room and one split showing vape packets. Had a root around and found 2 rechargeable ones and a charger.
Have taken them and now wondering how to proceed.

Effingmagicfairy · 19/05/2023 15:53

I’m another also sat in the car waiting for DD having found another batch of empty vapes in her room, only I’m pretty sure I know where she’s getting them from, a friends older daughter. Great start to the weekend.

siriusblackcat · 19/05/2023 16:02

The annoying thing is we've had 3 emails from school today about positive behaviour points, praising her hard work, respectfulnes and good attitude to learning.

I don't want to condone the vaping but when I look at the bigger picture she's a bloody good kid. She does volunteer work, she dances, has drama lessons, isn't hanging out on the streets etc. At her age I was spending every weekend pissed in a field and smoking fags.

Effingmagicfairy · 19/05/2023 16:48

My DD is generally a good kid, is home most of the time, just meeting up with friends, who I don’t think vape, this is coming in from an older friend who’s parents are quite lax on vaping, they vape theirselves, actually good friends, obviously she’s the cool parent and I’m not.

FriedEggChocolate · 19/05/2023 16:54

DS' school has announced that anyone found vaping will have a temporary suspension, likewise if you're seen entering a toilet cubicle with someone else; it's presumed you'll be vaping together.

Would being suspended from school if vapes were found on him be an issue for your DS? If not, what else would impact him? Does he do soports for example? Any uncles / close male family friends who could have a chat with him?

I'd then look at the lying as a separate issue, and want to know where the money had come from for these new vapes, in case he's selling stuff.

Chillipillow · 19/05/2023 17:09

My daughter has vaped from she was 13. I first caught her stealing one of my cigarettes. I suppose monkey see monkey do all that . I went down hard on her only for a year later to find a vape in her coat pocket. Iv tried every sort of punishment and every nice approach. Took her to the shop she was getting served and told them not to serve her again or I would go to police etc . Nothing worked. She still vapes. I have just found out my ds 15 vapes. (who only last year would have turned his nose up at his sister vaping) I have banned all vapes from coming in through the front door . I make them leave them on the outside window. It hasn’t made them stop but it’s definitely made them vape less while they are home as they just can’t be bothered getting up and making the effort to go outside.

eggsbenedict23 · 19/05/2023 19:20

I know responsible moderate drinking is a thing. Why isn't it the same for smoking?

Original poster

TheOrigRights · 01/06/2023 09:00

It's good to hear that the issue is receiving media interest.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheOrigRights · 18/07/2023 12:56

Good to hear of the probably ban on single-use Vapes.

OP posts:

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread