Crap parent to teen award

[honeyandbutterontoast]

Yep that award is mine for sure.

DD16 is about to start her GCSEs this week, she’s barely revised because she said she couldn’t concentrate, didn’t feel motivated, too tired etc etc etc.

I have had little patience because I honestly thought she could just try a bit harder.

She does have anxiety and other MH issues which have also been getting worse.

Last week I took her for a private blood test because my mum intuition started nagging at me. And yep she has massive vitamin deficiencies. As in its a wonder she is even getting out of bed each day.

I feel just so awful for her. I’ve ruined her chances at good grades because I didn’t really listen to her. She’s almost elated at the moment because there is a reason she feels so bad and she knows this isn’t how she will always feel. But I have totally messed up.

Nah, GCSE grades aren’t everything. Not everyone needs to be a doctor/lawyer/whatever. Maybe she’ll be happy to go to a simple college or do an average job like me. I never wanted to go to university. You’re being hard on yourself which is understandable but the world is not over. I’ve never had a job interview that asked ‘what did you get on your GCSEs?’

Well she can still try. I was really unwell during my A levels and advised to repeat the year - I didn't and I got the grades I needed. It's crap but she can try and do her best.

Don't beat yourself up. If every parent of a teen who was being a bit lazy took them for blood tests then they'd never get anything else done.

Your poor daughter, but please don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m so glad you finally listened to your intuition - many probably wouldn’t! Just make sure your daughter knows that from now on you’ll listen when she says something is wrong, and that you don’t expect her to get top grades. She can always resit exams, either in school or privately, and if she can get into college once she does A-levels they won’t matter so much anyway.

What would have been bad is if you had not taken her to the doctor op so try not to feel too bad!

Also, it’s not ideal as a parent to be at the other extreme and over-react to every bruise, scrape and mild illness.

So your reaction was, on balance, spot on!

The thing to focus on now is why she has severe vitamin deficiencies? I am not saying this is the case with your dd but I’d be looking at her diet, how much exercise and sleep she is getting. Is she eating enough veg? Is she secretly restricting her food intake? Are her periods heavy and if so does it need investigating?

(Obviously you don’t need to respond to that here op.)

Have you spoken to the school about her GCSEs in light of this new information? I’d try and speak to her teachers and get an idea of how they think she will fare without having done a lot of revision and take it from there.

In other words, should she defer a year? Will she scrape through and if so how will that impact on her A level choices? Or has she got a chance of doing reasonably ok? And having found out that info, you can then support her accordingly.

What’s her diet like?

Home schooled?

Oh sorry op

how did she do?

So true! If there’s a teenager in the universe that’s got a bundle of energy I would be shocked.

Her diet is perfectly fine, we are thinking some kind of absorption issue. Yet more blood tests tomorrow including coeliac and to check all her levels again.

It has been horrendously difficult trying to get medical help on this. The gp told me that “all teenage girls are anaemic” so it didn’t need treating. Which is unacceptable in my opinion.

I’ve turned into one of the kind of parents doctors hate I expect 🤷‍♀️

How did GCSEs go?

She sat them all, but I doubt they went very well. We just hope she’s scraped by enough to move onto college.

Does she want to go to college?

PLEASE turn into that parent! Doctors don’t listen to young people and it causes so many issues! Of course not all teens are anaemic 😡

What are her vitamin numbers and what should they be instead?