Teen no longer let's me take a photograph

theblackradiator · 2023-05-14T19:32:52+00:00

For the past year or so my 15 year old has not let me take her photo. scrolling through my photos i noticed I have almost none of her not even on her birthday other than the odd sneaky one from a distance (which are usually blurry and not very good.) I know She's not self conscious as I know she's more than happy to take lots of photos and selfies with her friends it's just me that she doesn't want taking pictures of her. if I get my phone out and ask if I can take one she'll start complaining and pull her hood over her face or put her hands infront of her face so it's impossible to get one and now her younger sibling has started to copy her behaviour. All I want is the odd photo and she is so beautiful, I'm sure she'd appreciate looking back on old photos of herself in many years to come when shes much older. Anyone else have a photo reluctant teen, if so did the phase pass or did you manage to convince them to let you take the odd photo? I also do not do any social media so I do not post pictures of her online anywhere so that is not an issue.

TheIsleOfTheLost · 14/05/2023 20:49

Not in that situation but I think you just need to accept her wishes. She is old enough to consent or not. Plus there will be a few million pictures if her and friends are still taking them. My tween didn't consent to a picture for facebook yesterday, so I didn't post it.

Mumof1andacat · 14/05/2023 21:06

I hated my photo being taken as a teenager and I'm still not keen as an adult

celticmamabear · 14/05/2023 21:10

None of us ever had to deal with our parents having camera phones as teenagers. I'd have hated it myself. I'd say my mam has one photo of me in my teenage years and that's at my grad. Totally normal tbh

Cas112 · 14/05/2023 22:09

Some people just don't like having a picture taken and it's completely her choice

It's just something you will have to accept

vodkaredbullgirl · 14/05/2023 22:11

Neither my 25 or 23 year old like there photo's taken, even as teenagers.

EmmiJay · 14/05/2023 22:21

At least she's a teenager asking you to pack it in! My dd is 9 and already running for the hills from the time she sees me with my phone out.😭😆 You have to respect their wishes, though..

Hellocatshome · 14/05/2023 22:34

Yes this is quite typical teen behaviour especially if they think you may then post it on social media.

Marblessolveeverything · 14/05/2023 22:37

It's up to her. And please stop with the sneaky photo that is just so disrespectful of her choice.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 14/05/2023 22:43

If she’s happy to take selfies can you not ask her to send you one? It sounds like she wants to be in control of the photos that get taken of her which seems completely reasonable.

QueSyrahSyrah · 14/05/2023 22:50

How often are you asking? I only ask because I'm nearly 40 and my Mum drives me fucking bananas with her phone camera out all the time. I'd be even more pissed off if she was taking sneaky ones when I'd asked her not to.

At our wedding last year I ended up snapping at her because she was in my face with it the whole time. I appreciate that she wanted photos of the day but we were already paying someone a butt-load of money to take pictures so everyone could relax and enjoy the day without their cameras.

Original poster

theblackradiator · 15/05/2023 00:37

Hellocatshome · 14/05/2023 22:34

Yes this is quite typical teen behaviour especially if they think you may then post it on social media.

I don't do social media other than mumsnet obvs so nothing of my dcs online whatsoever so they don't have to worry about that! I always wonder how friends dcs of similar ages to mine cope with parents posting so much on sm I certainly wouldn't have liked it myself as a teen. I do feel sorry for kids who have their whole lives from the moment they're born on view to the world.

OP posts:

Topseyt123 · 15/05/2023 01:04

She doesn't want her photo taken and you need to respect her boundaries there. I wouldn't have liked it as a teenager and I'm not overly keen now at almost 57.

Why do you need a photo of her on each birthday? It is the sort of thing you do when they are very young children, but not much beyond the age of about 5. Maybe she does feel self conscious about it and feels you are babying her?

Original poster

theblackradiator · 15/05/2023 01:07

QueSyrahSyrah · 14/05/2023 22:50

How often are you asking? I only ask because I'm nearly 40 and my Mum drives me fucking bananas with her phone camera out all the time. I'd be even more pissed off if she was taking sneaky ones when I'd asked her not to.

At our wedding last year I ended up snapping at her because she was in my face with it the whole time. I appreciate that she wanted photos of the day but we were already paying someone a butt-load of money to take pictures so everyone could relax and enjoy the day without their cameras.

Not that often actually as I know she doesn't like it so maybe every couple of months I will ask In the hope that she's passed this phase and will let me take one. I asked her yesterday as she looked particularly lovely in a new outfit she had bought.
I Can understand how your mum is annoying if it's constant though.
I only take the odd sneaky one maybe on a day out and it's usually of the back of her walking infront of me or similar as I want a picture of my child it breaks my heart that I don't have any and it's better than nothing! Her school don't do school photos so not even one of those. No chance of her sending me her pictures she has with her friends either.

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Wenfy · 15/05/2023 01:07

She probably isn’t confident that you care enough to take a good photo. Talk to her, tell her how much it means to you, and maybe agree something - perhaps she could take the photo of the two / three of you? Or she could teach you how to take better photos?

Wenfy · 15/05/2023 01:09

Topseyt123 · 15/05/2023 01:04

She doesn't want her photo taken and you need to respect her boundaries there. I wouldn't have liked it as a teenager and I'm not overly keen now at almost 57.

Why do you need a photo of her on each birthday? It is the sort of thing you do when they are very young children, but not much beyond the age of about 5. Maybe she does feel self conscious about it and feels you are babying her?

Don’t be a prat. Of course it’s important to take photos on your child’s birthday. The girl clearly has trust issues which her mum needs to talk to her about to resolve.

Topseyt123 · 15/05/2023 01:10

Wenfy · 15/05/2023 01:09

Don’t be a prat. Of course it’s important to take photos on your child’s birthday. The girl clearly has trust issues which her mum needs to talk to her about to resolve.

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No. It isn't important to take photos on a ternager's birthday, especially if they have clearly indicated that they don't want you to.

Original poster

theblackradiator · 15/05/2023 01:17

Topseyt123 · 15/05/2023 01:04

She doesn't want her photo taken and you need to respect her boundaries there. I wouldn't have liked it as a teenager and I'm not overly keen now at almost 57.

Why do you need a photo of her on each birthday? It is the sort of thing you do when they are very young children, but not much beyond the age of about 5. Maybe she does feel self conscious about it and feels you are babying her?

I take it you don't have kids? of course a parent will want a photo of their child on a special event like a birthday. surely if you had dc you would like atleast 1 photo a year no matter how old they are. Bloody hell people even have their photos took on their 40th birthday ffs. I saw a photo on our local news of a lady on her 100th birthday the other day theirs no age limit for birthday photos ffs!

OP posts:

Topseyt123 · 15/05/2023 01:24

theblackradiator · 15/05/2023 01:17

I take it you don't have kids? of course a parent will want a photo of their child on a special event like a birthday. surely if you had dc you would like atleast 1 photo a year no matter how old they are. Bloody hell people even have their photos took on their 40th birthday ffs. I saw a photo on our local news of a lady on her 100th birthday the other day theirs no age limit for birthday photos ffs!

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You assume wrong. I have three daughters, all now in their twenties.

No. I never forced photos on them when they were teenagers if they weren't willing. Not even on their birthdays.

It is pretty normal for teenagers to be happy taking selfies with their friends yet not want parents involved in taking pictures. You have to respect it.

Strugglingtodomybest · 15/05/2023 07:28

Could it be a control issue? If she's happy to be in control of the photo-taking but not happy with you taking any?

I notice that she has asked you not to take any photos and yet you still do. Is this a common theme in your relationship with her perhaps? Maybe she doesn't feel heard? Maybe this is her way of having some control in her relationship with you?

Does that make any sense?!

adulthumanfemalemum · 15/05/2023 07:36

I'd say it's a control issue if she doesn't mind taking selfies. As above I'd ask her to send me some pictures she likes that she or her friends have taken. My kids don't mind me taking photos of them but my 16 year old does sometimes ask to see them so she can approve or delete them. Maybe see if that helps, offer to let her delete any she's not happy with.

adulthumanfemalemum · 15/05/2023 07:38

And re the above points, yes it's very normal to take pictures of people of any age on any special occasion including a birthday.

doubleoseven · 15/05/2023 07:46

Yeah, perfectly normal for a teen. I have very few photos of mine. We have a deal that if I take him on holiday I'm allowed to take a few photos. I don't post any online either. I do get it as I also hate having my photo taken, always have.

PINTAB · 15/05/2023 09:20

All I want is the odd photo and she is so beautiful, I'm sure she'd appreciate looking back on old photos of herself in many years to come when shes much older.

I will ask In the hope that she's passed this phase and will let me take one. I asked her yesterday as she looked particularly lovely in a new outfit she had bought.

I only take the odd sneaky one maybe on a day out and it's usually of the back of her walking infront of me or similar as I want a picture of my child it breaks my heart that I don't have any and it's better than nothing!

OP, please learn to take 'no' from your daughter for an answer. Don't take sneaky pictures, it undermines trust and is weird. You sound very convinced that you know better (I'm sure she'd appreciate looking back on old photos of herself in many years to come when shes much older.) You are signalling to her that your opinion and choice is the correct one and her preference not to have pictures taken by her mother the wrong one which she needs to outgrow.

Leave her be, she's not a child anymore. Respect her choices so that she feels always comfortable to make her own choice about things related to her. Don't be intrusive. She's trying to grow away from you as part of her teen development. You are not entitled to pictures of your teen dd. Leave her be and accept her personal choice.

If you are into photography, why not do a photography course and look at new and interesting topics to photograph that don't involve your teen dd? You could even enter an amateur photography competition and re-channel your love of taking pictures?

Bloody hell people even have their photos took on their 40th birthday ffs. I saw a photo on our local news of a lady on her 100th birthday the other day theirs no age limit for birthday photos ffs!
Yes but it's not their mum taking the pictures, which makes all the difference.

ColinRobinsonsFart · 15/05/2023 09:30

I have no photos of me from 13 yrs to 19yrs.

not one.

cameras were available ( my dad was an art and photography teacher) but I refused all photos.

it’s a shame as I was a spectacular punk/goth and I wish I have some visual memories.

i am now an old lady and I am reluctant to have my picture taken - I was told by a bloke at a party I was the ugliest woman he had ever seen when I was 25. This compounded my already fragile belief in my looks.

i think you need to respect her wishes but it is a shame and I wish I could turn back time

TheFeistyFeminist · 15/05/2023 09:57

My teen daughter will occasionally pose for a photo (like when we were dressed nicely for a party at the weekend) but if she doesn't want it on social media, it doesn't get posted.

I would have hated parents going against my preferences when I was a teen, so I try to respect her boundaries.