What will school do?

7 replies

Jointcase · 12/05/2023 21:43

DH received a voicemail from school earlier today.
DSS13 is under investigation for physically attacking another boy more than once. I don’t want to go into outing details but it was intimidating and some nasty physical contact / restraining. It’s all on CCTV.
DSS13 knows he did wrong.
im already a bit worried about him, he’s had a lot of change - it only seemed to register tonight that the attack may have upset his “friend”. I don’t know what he was thinking.
And this poor other kid who was taken by surprise.
DSS13 was in isolation today and had to write a statement. He mentioned none of this or what happened until DH raised the voicemail with him.
school are carrying out an investigation and getting statements and we’ll hear more on Monday apparently.
We’re new to teenage parenting / secondary school - what kind of response could we be expecting? No idea what the process is. What kind of behaviour can result in suspension / expulsion?

OP posts:

TeenDivided · 13/05/2023 07:25

First offence very unlikely to be permanent exclusion (as expulsion is now caused).
Otherwise it could be anything from the 1 day in isolation he has already had to a week's exclusion. For a first offence I'd expect it to be on the lighter side tbh.

When you say 'he's had a lot of change' and you are 'new' to this, do I take it he has recently moved in with you? If so, to what extent is school aware of this and the reasons behind it? They may want to provide him with some in-school counselling.

Snoopystick · 13/05/2023 07:34

Not sure if my answer will help as bit of a different situation. DS had a fight 2 years ago which was a mutually agreed fight but DS hurt the other boy and he had to be seen by a doctor. We had to go into school and meet with the Head. DS wrote an apology letter and he had a day’s suspension.

wildfirewonder · 13/05/2023 07:39

You need to go to school and be open to listening to what they think is going on with your child.

Really what happens with the school is less important than you as parents finding out what is going on and investing extremely hard - time and possibly money - over the next couple of years to make sure this is a blip not a pattern.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 13/05/2023 07:45

Also, be prepared that, if it’s a nasty physical attack and it’s all on cctv, the parents of the other boy might go to the police.

wildfirewonder · 13/05/2023 07:49

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 13/05/2023 07:45

Also, be prepared that, if it’s a nasty physical attack and it’s all on cctv, the parents of the other boy might go to the police.

I agree with this. If my child was on the receiving end I would report to the police.

This all sounds rather serious and I would be wanting to know what I could do to help my child e.g. counselling because they are at risk of a criminal record.

Original poster

Jointcase · 13/05/2023 09:54

thanks all
Totally agreed - we said to him that if we heard this happened to him we would be going straight to the school. It’s all on CCTV. School gave a summary of what happened on the voicemail, based on what they saw on it.
I think he does need counselling.
he hasn’t had the best behaviour while at school and has had one detention before for pushing a line from behind
he’s come from another country where school discipline is harsh so I naively believed that he would be respectful of teachers and other students.
we were so happy when he quickly made friends when he moved over about a year ago but then the behaviour reports started coming in
its hard as I have no parental responsibility. If it was me I would be in school talking to the form tutor, finding out what is happening, etc. but DH is more relaxed.
I expect this has brought it all to a head though
he’s a good boy generally and good with younger siblings.
if he’s excluded from school I expect his mum will demand that he goes back to the other country. Which will be awful for DSS13, who likes it here and has told her that, and DH who has waited years to have him here. Complicated story that I won’t go into.
but I wouldn’t disagree with her if he can’t focus on school here.

OP posts:

LillteSwim · 14/05/2023 08:43

I think the level of action by the school will depend on the level of injury’s sustained. It does sound like he’s very much in the wrong here despite everything he maybe going through.
the questions they may look at are;
is this a pre meditated attack?
is this Bullying and Harassment?
how long did the attack last?
also looking at the evidence: You’ve mentioned the CCTV have you seen it to understand the scale of this attack? The main question will be Why? Why attach the victim?

as mentioned if this was my son I would also want to understand why, if I was the victim family I would also involve police. Sounds like your son needs help too and violence is never the answer.

Flip