14yo DD sleeping over a friends whose on Snapchat with strangers getting dick pics and videos

[Mimbola]

Not sure how to deal with this one. Don’t want to ignore and potentially enable it to continue or get worse.

Also don’t want to come down too heavy and say they can’t spend time together. She doesn’t have many school friends over or that she has sleepovers with. They also do the usual girlie stuff like makeovers, face-masks, movies etc. and the friend has good qualities too.

I can’t control what her friend does with her phone but I don’t want “opening the floodgates to strangers on Snapchat” accepted or normalised.

It's a safeguarding issue. For the other girl. Why aren't you concerned about her?

Why did you let her go?

Wtf! I'd be coming down hard on that, and surely discussing it with the other girl's parents?

Consider yourself lucky that you even know about this!

It might be that someone sent a picture like that and she blocked them?

what else do you know?

This needs reporting to the police.

No I would be keeping my daughter away from the other girl as much as possible.

Have you told the girl's parents what you've been told?

You need to parent, ie make decisions and take actions to protect your child

In case that wasn't clear

can’t control what her friend does with her phone but I don’t want “opening the floodgates to strangers on Snapchat” accepted or normalised.

Then your child should not be sleeping over at her friends house!

How did you find out about this?

Sod the other girl, right?

Yuk.

What? Where are you getting that from?

The OP hasn't asked about what to do regarding the other girl. She's asked what to do about her daughter, which is the question I've answered.

If I knew this was happening, I would not be letting my daughter sleepover.

depending on how well I knew the parents, I would feel obligated to talk to them. If I didn’t know them well enough, I would go through the school pastoral team (I have a god relationship with head of student support). But I would be talking to an adult involved with the other girl’s care, and making sure that someone knew what was going on.

@Dacadactyl pretty much every other poster mentioned safeguarding for the other girl. You didn't bother. Just keep your child away.

This is how children are abused. People turn their backs.

OP report.

Oh yeah cos me not mentioning on mumsnet for OP to report is how children are abused 🙄

Has your daughter ever received anything ? Just asking as doing a lesson on this with year 7 (all girls) and virtually every hand went up when asked if they’d ever received inappropriate pictures. It’s frightening how normal they think it is.

Sorry, your feelings are much more important than the child.

I apologise.

@MrsTerryPratchett yeah, ok😂

It isn't clear from your post if your DD is already on a sleepover or if one is planned.

If she is already there and you just found out about this then go and fetch her. NOW.

If it is planned, then you say NO.

It is your job to protect your DD. Dick picks are not ok for 14 yr olds.

Thanks all, I appreciate the varied responses to consider.

By the way this happened on a sleepover and apparently the sender claimed to be 15.

Of course I’m concerned about the other girl. My DD said her friend laughed about it and that her parents are aware as she is very open with them. But I’m mindful that my dd might be lying to try and deter me from getting in touch with the parents.

Also the fact this girl is on Snapchat with strangers, doesn’t define her as a “bag egg” that my dd can no longer be friends with.

Im also pleased my dd told me and we got to discuss it. Talking about how sending sexually explicit material to a minor being illegal. And how the friend having an open account is inviting all sorts of risk.

Coming down heavy may have an adverse affect of her just not telling me things going forward. I’m wanting to hear others options to try and strike the correct balance with safeguarding as the priority but considering all the other points too.

I don’t allow my daughter to have TikTok or Snapchat yet for these reasons.

My DD are older now, but I would have been very concerned about this if they were younger. I know they get up to all sorts that us parents don't know about as we did with ours, but this is very worrying. It's excellent that your daughter tells you about this kind of issue and you are confident she doesn't have her own Snapchat/TikTok

Agree there is no reason to think badly of her friend at all, and her friend is not the one potentially grooming, but is possibly being groomed.
this is a safeguarding issue that needs at least talking to parents. If they genuinely feel it’s acceptable then I’d speak to school.

Report to school safeguarding. They are in a position to speak to the girl and parents and it may contribute to a wider picture. Lots of teens are starting to do this kind of thing as sleepover dares, messaging and getting pictures even in primary school. There's a app called Omegle which allows random video chats with strangers and lots of children use it. Ask your daughter if she's ever used Omegle on a sleepover!

She doesn’t have sleepovers often and Omegle is an absolute no. I have parental controls on her phone and have gone through it on occasion to see if there’s anything I need to address.

Op please do not believe the total nonsense that the parents of a 14 year old laugh about stuff lile this

If a child is being abused you need to ensure you safeguard the child. Tell the parents as they probably dont know. Then depending on their response you could anonymously report to school

Update - in case anyone encounters a similar issue.

I spoke with the friends mum, she knew about the pic but not the video. The boy who sent them is known. She is going to speak with her daughter and inform the school.

I obviously spoke to my daughter privately but I also spoke to both girls together so they were clear on the boundaries for sleepovers to continue.