Ds13 being groomed / social media / Gay.

[concernedparentreallyneedadvise]

Posted on another group as well, need traffic to help us deal with this.

A trivial incident happened yesterday that made me believe ds 13 wasn’t fully telling me the truth, so I asked for his phone.

I’ve been physically sick at what I’ve found.

He was allowed Instagram and nothing else and I check his phone regularly, however when I was looking a snap chat alert came up… this is when I found a hidden folder on his phone under games.

So far I’ve found.

Snap chat / instagram requests from males asking him to send videos/photos of himself - which he has done.

Hidden private file on his phone full of male sex videos/photos from other men/boys/videos of males urinating - these are not porn videos these are videos that males have sent him.

“Teen” sex chat groups.

Registering with explicit sex groups, looking for men under the age of 30, who are into BDSM.

DS13 asking snap chat /instagram users to send him videos/photos and vice versa.

Ds saying he was in a relationship with another boy however he broke it off after the male asked him to meet up after 2 days of being in a relationship for sex.

A full on conversation/videos/photos of another “boy” sending each other videos of them masturbation and saying they love each other/ sexual of nature / - he hasn’t met this boy, met him online through a game they play online.

Ds saying he is gay / a dom gay

Late night video calls on Snapchat, discord, males asking for videos etc…

We believe he has been groomed however he has also asked males for videos who he has started conversations with, these boys appear the same age as ds and also from adult males.

He has loads of males asking about his sexuality which I’m assuming are from the explicit chat sites.

I haven’t watched the videos, dh has and he’s taken himself for a walk.. he’s been out for 2 hrs just walking as neither of us can sleep.

We’ve had conversations with our son, he says he can’t trust us (is this the grooming talking) ? He can’t tell us why he doesn’t trust us but just knows he can’t.

Wont even discuss his sexuality with us, when we ask about the videos/conversations he just says they are strangers and he’s never met them/or met with anyone. I asked if he knows what they are doing/ what he’s doing is wrong/illegal and he’s aware it’s both wrong and illegal.

He is from a happy healthy home, loved beyond measure, straight A student, we don’t argue as parents, we actively try and keep him safe, we drive him everywhere, he doesn’t witness anything inappropriate in his home life, we are a normal working 8-5 boring family, heavily involved in our children’s lives.

Im taking the next few days off work , he’s going into immediate counselling as he’s literally all over the place mentally.

We had absolutely no idea our son is gay, before yesterday I didn’t realise how unhappy/confused our child is.

Outwardly he appears to be a happy child, at times moody however what 13 year old isn’t.

We have child internet protection on our home system however he’s very intelligent when it comes to computers and has used a proxy to bypass these.

So far we’ve removed him from all social media, reported all inappropriate sites/underage sites to COPPA, NSPCC,report-it.org.uk and CEOP.

Asked for his social media accounts to be removed completely.

We need help! We are absolutely beside ourselves.

I’m hopefully going to try and get an appointment with his school today as I’ve no idea how to navigate this, we need to act sensibly and gently because right now I feel as if he’s on the edge of a complete meltdown.

Poor you how shocking. Firstly, would make it very clear that you don't mind at if he is gay or straight and that this isn't the problem (assuming it isn't).
Secondly, I would tell him that you don't think he is safe and your job is to keep him safe. In light of this I would completely remove his phone and replace with a Nokia style phone. Remove all access to the internet on Xbox etc. Only let him use his computer in the kitchen. He is very unsafe at the moment and vulnerable. He of course will kick off about this but actually you need to isolate him away from all this.
encourage him to see friends (his age) face to face. I would, if you can, organise some weekends away at say Grandparents or aunties so he has a change of scene. Get him into some.new.stuff like sport, or art, or anything that gives him something else to focus on.

God I'm so sorry Op - I don't have any constructive advice other than what you've already done. But I would be beside myself so I can't imagine how you're feeling.

I guess the only thing now is to keep him close with love and not "kick off" which would be natural - otherwise you run the risk of pushing him away further into this secrecy - which I'm sure you know already.

He's likely to feel very embarrassed and ashamed that you know.

You'll get through this. One step at a time.

Have you managed to arrange a meeting with the school, OP?

Op. Call the internet watch foundation hotline if you believe there are images shared of your son online. They are rhe uK body that track down and remove illegal sexual images of children from the web. They can also advise on contacting the police

Barnardos charity also do a lot of work in this area and may be good to speak to

What a nightmare. OP you’ve done nothing wrong and haven’t failed him as a parent. The Internet is an open sewer and it is so easy for children to be sucked into it. Are you sure he hasn’t met up with anyone? I would book an STI and HIV test to be sure, in addition to the advice above.

Oh OP thank goodness you have discovered all of this now. You are doing all the right things and I'm sure the school will support. Wonder if there are any local teen support groups that your DS could (eventually) attend with young people of a similar age.