Physical fights

[cassiejasmine]

My daughter is now 13, just turned, last night we had our second physical fight- I know I'm an adult and shouldn't hit back but I'm also a human and I'm not just going to stand and take it. Anyway, we were play fighting, then because I "won", I just restrained her, she flipped and started punching me, to the point she's bruised my arm, and I lost it and slapped her around the face. For her to then keep punching me so I kept slapping her until she stopped. I then told her to leave her phone she wasn't having it and she continued to try and fight me, resulting in her throwing her phone. We haven't spoke since. I know I should hit back, but it's easier said than done. I was only 16 when I had her and I've made a lot of mistakes- this being one- but how do I manage this I'm really struggling. I actually don't even want to be a parent any more

Absolutely no more play fights.

You sit her down and apologise to her.

You tell her hitting is off limits and never the right thing to do.

You must lead by example.

You are the adult.

Parenting can be (is) very tough.

💐💐💐

What are you doing play fighting and slapping back at your child?

Stop it, it's completely inappropriate and asking for trouble.

Apologise to her. It will make you feel better.

Accept that all of the blame for this is yours, so don't punish her. Give her the phone back. You can't reasonably expect that she should have been the bigger person and stopped in the face of what you (the adult) was doing.

The was a mistake, you realise that. You need to learn from it.

Safety plan . What will you do to avoid physical aggression in the future? What will you do if you can feel physical aggression starting, in order to stop?

Needing to "win" a physical altercation with a child is a concerning trait. Speak to your GP. You could get referred for talking therapy, anger management work, parenting courses, or maybe you need mental health medication?

I've focused all my post above on you - what about your dd? Does she have a trusted adult who she can talk though her feelings with?

It was probably very frightening for her. And very confusing. She probably has unfounded guilt or shame mixed in too.

If your DD isn't already getting MH support, see if she'd like some. Tell school, see if she can talk to someone at school or make a referral for her.

Don't make her kerp this a secret, like she should feel ashamed. Yes, you'll likely face questions from school but this may then lead to extra support for you both.