Snapchat for (almost) 14 yr old boy?

[Sensibletrousers]

My son has joined a new friendship group at school and tells me they don’t have a WhatsApp group or discord server , he says they communicate via Snapchat. He’s asked for an account.

I’m tech savvy for a mid 40s mum, but is there anything I should known about Snapchat before I agree to him having it? He has Instagram and WhatsApp, but we’ve said no to Tiktok until he’s older.

Any guidance or advice?

thanks!!

Anyone?

It can be set so that messages are deleted or hidden. This concerns me.

Exactly my worry……

Most teens and preteens seem to communicate on Snapchat these days. There is a quick add function which means that it's easy to add people you don't know with the false security that they are a friend of a friend, so you need to make sure that he knows not to do that. There is something called snap streaks which can make it a bit addictive but this is generally just sending daily pictures of your ceiling to people in your Snapchat group. Messages do disappear but can also be screenshotted or saved in the chat. The other person gets a notification if this happens. And obviously the other user can take a photo of the photo or messages before they disappear using another device. So there is a false sense of security if he thinks his messages and photos are definitely going to be deleted. I'm not that keen on it as a platform because of the gamification (the snap streaks and also the snap score based on use) but my philosophy is that it is better to let children experiment a bit with technology while they are still at the age of talking through any problems with their parents. Also, most kids seem to download it without their parents permission if they are banned from it. Talk him through the issues and see what he says.

Ah yes the sending random photos to increase your numbers. Literally taking photos of the ground . What a waste of time!

I'm also not keen on them being able to track each other but then I prefer my privacy.

I find snapchat a nightmare with my teens mainly for the reason previously listed that the messages/ pictures etc disappear after viewing. However my teens are SN and my eldest has zero social and emotional skills which is always getting her into hot water where she has missed social cues. My younger daughter who is 14 manages snap much better than her sister, but not without issues. In retrospect I wish I had not said yes until they were a bit older.

It is difficult for him and you and when he says all his friends, he probably doesn't actually mean that. To him it will feel like that as even if he thinks everyone has it, that will not be the case.

If you say yes to him can you put a time limit on it? You can also say only people you know in person and certainly make sure he sets it so the whole world can not see his location.

I don't mind Snapchat - it is the main platform my DD (now 15) has been using to communicate with her friends for more than a year now. She has abandoned Snap streaks after initially doing them, as it's a waste of time - this she realized on her own.
We talked about how disappearing snaps give a false sense of security, she is aware of that. She's seen people screenshot snaps.

She's had more friend-of-friend requests on instagram than on snapchat and boys who would not take no for an answer and whom she blocked. No d*pics either - this is something that I've seen parents complain about, it hasn't been our experience.

I forgot to add: at first I had a pretty strict time limit for snap, as @RoseMartha suggests. She still has limits on instagram and tiktok, as they are very addictive. As there were no issues with snapchat, she doesn't have a specific limit any longer, apart from the general phone downtime at night.

Great advice thank you

After what I’ve found in Ds secret snap chat, I’d say absolutely NOT in a million years.

Where do we find “secret” stuff??

There is loads of places they can hide content they don’t want to see.

So far we have found unacceptable material on his iPhone.

in settings under photos there is a hidden photo file - photos/videos can be put there and be hidden from the main storage.

Apps that they are not allowed can be hidden in folders under games etc… however the folders swipe left and then you can see the apps… these can also be hidden from the view in settings.

Snap chat - you can view the content on saved chats. If you click on the individuals name and click on the comment icon it will load a screen - on first appearance it will look like blank screen however if you press up on the screen it will show photos/videos/conversations.

instagram - is basically a grooming site , even on reporting crimes they advise it doesn’t break there teams and conditions.

Hidden email addresses - ds had 3 we had no idea about, 2 of them were set up by the groomers / you can find these on a mailbox, not just under the cloud one the iPhone needs to be set up on.

Discord - hidden profiles under usernames of “gamers” - our school received communication regarding this site as it’s a new target ground for targeting vulnerable people. (Attached - in which the peodiphile asks a 13 year old child to send intimate /nude photos of themselves - yet we got this reply from them)

All basic stuff , however we don’t use snap chat, hence why we don’t allow it or knew how to navigate the system.

Discord is relatively new and we didn’t know it existed, so no idea how to navigate it.

instagram we thought was safe however it’s not and Instagram for me supports peodophiles targeting vulnerable children.

I regret letting my oldest have Snapchat. We initially banned it due to an incident with my stepchild. Eventually we caved and whilst no issues we know of, it goes off constantly. Thankfully my younger child doesn't care for phones despite friends moaning they can't get hold of them.

It's full of drug dealers. Before I had children I had Snapchat as I liked the daft filters and the fact that people couldn't scroll through my life like you can with Facebook. Some things I noticed:

If location is on, and settings are preset on Snap to show location, then their exact location is shown on a map to their friends- and their 'friends' could be people they have never met in real life.

Snap streaks are addictive.

You can post something publicly to the Snap map and anyone can view it, I was horrified to see very young teens posting their user names asking people to add them.

I also had lots of drug dealers sending messages of what drugs are available- these disappeared so no evidence of them. I blocked those accounts.

And finally one last point, aside from the messaging and posts, if you swipe to one side there is a section which is a bit like youtube shorts / tik tok. You can click on different topics - "oddly satisfying" videos, pets, there's ones for magazines like Cosmopolitan. The algorithm tailors it to your interests and it basically goes on forever with "infinite scrolling". I used to get sucked into hours long waste of time rabbit hole distractions and deleted the app in the end.

Having said all that, it's probably better to allow him to use it with time limits and transparency than to attempt to ban all together. Just have a very serious word about all of the dangers.

I'd recommend downloading it yourself and having a go first so that you understand how it works.

Snapchat, Tiktok and Instagram are banned in our house.

The secret videos I found on my 13yo DDS phone were disgusting.

They need their phones in case of emergency. Anything else can wait.

My DD is 16. We don't allow Snapchat or TikTok and she doesnt want them now shes older anyway. She does have insta though.