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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Exam year - negative thinking, catastrophising and resilience

7 replies

EmmaStone · 03/05/2023 18:40

DD17 has A Levels this summer, UCAS applications, and learning to drive. Last week she was rejected from her final choice Uni - I don't think it was a massive shock, but she was quite upset, and it knocked her confidence (despite having 3 amazing offers, one of which was far and away her no 1 Uni choice). This week she's failed her driving test, and she's just a complete mess. She starts her study leave at the end of next week, and is talking about never seeing her friends again (of course she will - she's planning holidays with some of them!), not having any friends anyway (she has lots), not getting any better in her weakest subject (I don't know - she had another mock in this subject yesterday, and she came out quite positive).

It's a lot at the moment, going into A Levels and next steps into the unknown and adulthood I get is very stressful, but the negative spirals and potential for self-sabotage is very frustrating, wearing, but also worrying. Her driving for example, was perfectly adequate, I've taken her out lots, she's been learning for 10 months and had many lessons, but her nerves clearly got the better of her and she made several big errors that reflect someone who's barely driven at all.

She seems to have got stuck in a negative frame of mind on her weakest subject - she needs a B, but regularly gets Cs in previous mocks and exams. She does work really hard at it, and her teachers think she's actually capable of an A, but she goes into assessments with a 'I can't do this, I never get higher than a C' mindset, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Obviously the exams are just around the corner, but how can I help her reframe her thinking? We spoke today about determination, realistic revision timetables, but also that it's not the be all and end all, and if something goes wrong, she'll just take a different path, it'll all work out in the end. She seems to really lack resilience, am I expecting too much? Is there something I can do to help her in this last push?

OP posts:
wildfirewonder · 03/05/2023 18:42

She has a lot on. Be kind and understanding.

Resilience can't be forced onto someone. You have to fail and bounce back, she has to have the chance to regroup.

wildfirewonder · 03/05/2023 18:46

Oh and something I say to mine (similar ages) is: if you do ever fail or struggle, and feel awful, I'll listen. While I'm here, you're not on your own.

sydenhamhiller · 03/05/2023 18:48

wildfirewonder · 03/05/2023 18:46

Oh and something I say to mine (similar ages) is: if you do ever fail or struggle, and feel awful, I'll listen. While I'm here, you're not on your own.

Oh this is lovely, and made me tear up a bit.

Bobbybobbins · 03/05/2023 20:19

I'm a secondary teacher and totally understand. I would recommend plenty of fun distractions and/or things that she is good at.

EmmaStone · 03/05/2023 21:34

Thanks All, wise words.

We're trying to break life up, my other DC is doing GCSEs, so it's all the fun in our house at the moment 😂.

I just hope she feels ready to attack the exams (and get the grades she's predicted and more than capable of). Will continue offering hugs and tissues.

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noblegiraffe · 03/05/2023 21:39

Try positive thinking motivation videos? (Loads on YouTube for this sort of thing).

Or dancing around air-punching to Eye of the Tiger etc. Easy to get caught in a spiral of negative thinking, and sometimes you need a bunch of positivity to shake you out of it.

EmmaStone · 04/05/2023 13:20

noblegiraffe · 03/05/2023 21:39

Try positive thinking motivation videos? (Loads on YouTube for this sort of thing).

Or dancing around air-punching to Eye of the Tiger etc. Easy to get caught in a spiral of negative thinking, and sometimes you need a bunch of positivity to shake you out of it.

I love this idea, and was giving her lots of these kinds of comments. I got an eye roll and something along the lines of "That sounds like something David Brent from The Office would say". 😂

Teenagers.

Anyway, she got a near perfect mark on one of her essay questions practice, so that helped cheer her up last night! It's a blooming rollercoaster.

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