How to stop being so annoyed at my teen.

[Jazzhands7]

Just recently I’ve found my early teen to be super annoying. They think they know everything, when I tell them not to do something when I have my hands full they go ahead and do it anyway in front of me but they still can’t get themselves ready for school. I still make lunches and breakfast to help them get out the door quickly but there is no bus if it’s missed I have to drive an hour and a half round trip to do the school drop but every morning without fail they are late walking out the door because they are looking at themselves in the mirror and doing things that could be done in the car and not doing the things to get ready that can’t be done in the car - every - single -morning. I find it so infuriating. I’m still saying pick your dirty clothes up out of the bathroom and I’m still spelling little things out every day.

I don’t want to be a bitch Mum but I’m finding myself getting short all the time. How do get around it?

This time of adult life with teens seems particularly busy, finically stressful and all around sucky. Is this normal so I just have to wait ten years?

Don't wash clothes that are not put in the correct place.

Every car ride to school because they missed the bus results in a 24hr phone/xbox removal.

Basically make it worth their while to do what they need to do. If your clothes still get washed and you still get to school despite not doing the right thing then why bother.

I leave the house 5 mins before DD 4 days a week. On the day I wfh, I have a regular meeting first thing so, again, wouldn't be able to take her. She is in Yr8 and has never once missed the bus as there is no alternative.
She leaves a trail of destruction behind her wherever she goes. I'm focussing on the small victories! She now not only puts the lid back on the milk but also puts it in the fridge; most days, she hangs up her blazer. She'll get there.

Thanks that’s really helpful though I might just chuck the clothes Basel in the bedroom so I don’t have to look at them

Dd is the same. Late every day without fail and its usually down to hair or make up....

I remind myself that at 15 this is my biggest problem with her then im winning as she doesnt smoke, drink, answer back, slam doors etc etc...

This feels like me. I’ve been over supportive with my 14 yr old but partly because if he misses the taxi to school it impacts me etc. He has SEND so I’ve done too much but feel taken for granted and angry now, as a consequence. He seems lazy and indifferent too. I need to tackle it but not sure where to start. I did get him doing his own washing but he has to be prompted/reminded/nagged to do it. It’s exhausting and that’s only his washing!

I hear you. I made it through the wilderness years with DD who will be 23 in June.

Im back in them again with DS 15 who has ASD so it’s a different sort of wilderness entirely.

I found books by Adele Faber and her colleague ( sorry menopausal brain) to be really useful and especially the one linked below.

My main advice would be Pick Your Battles and Try Not to Lose Your Temper. Easier said than done I know but it’s certainly possible to change how you relate and react to DC in search of a better outcome.

I have a wonderful relationship with my DD who is doing a post grad law course in London and I feel very grateful that it’s a vast improvement I had with the relationship with my late DM.

https://www.wob.com/en-gb/books/adele-faber/how-to-talk-so-teens-will-listen-listen-so-teens-will-talk/9781853408571?cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=19553276147&cq_con=&cq_med=pla&cq_plac=&cq_net=x&gclid=CjwKCAjwxr2iBhBJEiwAdXECw4C4yW32Eia38NueodKpcNdpIeO2tzhOLKYStGtRV4_y7mWiaCHu8RoCgZcQAvD_BwE#GOR001403424

Agh, it’s all garbled but I hope my meaning is clear.

Mine is all last minute too. Apparently it was my fault he left late last week as I forgot to put him shoes by the front door and he had to get them out the cupboard. How mean am I. I put his water and sandwiches too by the door. He always remembers them but not the form that has been there 4 days to take in to school. I normally just leave the shoes where he leaved them but had visitors so had put them away.. Told him hang your clothes up that I had left outside his room that were already on hangers. He has only just took them in 3 days later. Always rolling the eyes at me.