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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

hickeys, consent

7 replies

Slavica · 29/04/2023 18:05

My daughter (15) and her first boyfriend (also 15) seem very much in love. They've been together for two months, but "talking" for a lot longer and have known each other for more than two years. We met the boy and like him. The kids spend time walking around our small city and in both family homes, we feel it's better to have them home and safe and, from the way his parents are going about it, they appear to think the same way.

I'm in a European country where the sex education in school is good and thorough, and I've had age-appropriate talks with my daughter for a number of years now, reiterated now. I remember my own teen years and am quite liberal (though believe 15 years old are not emotionally ready for sex).

On two occasions now she's come back home with hickeys on her neck; as I noticed them, we talked about it. She seemed quite proud, but wanted to conceal them for school as best she could. I find hickeys tacky and juvenile but they seem to be a thing some teens like.

I asked her if she was ok getting hickeys and reiterated the message about consent. Also told her that, if she wants hickeys, it might be better to get them in a concealed spot so she doesn't have to deal with scarves, turtlenecks and makeup.

This morning I noticed she has a couple of quite large hickeys on her tummy; I did not tell her I saw those. I don't actually know what I'm asking but feel a bit out of my depth here. I would personally hate being "marked". She has also inherited my tendency to bruise very easily so I'm not sure it took very much to get those hickeys to the size they are. I hope all of it is completely consensual, and also hope nobody else sees those marks. I'm pretty sure my DH would not be happy about it.

OP posts:
Rainallnight · 29/04/2023 18:07

I think if you’ve had a couple conversation with her about hickeys and she’s told you she’s ok with them, you have to leave it there.

Rainallnight · 29/04/2023 18:07

I mean ‘a conversation’!

Teddypops · 29/04/2023 18:08

There is nothing from what you have said that makes it sound as if it's not consensual.

It's just one of those things. You are a grown up and find them juvenile and tacky.

I do too, but I didn't at 15.

There could be worse things they are doing.

Just make sure she fully understands about consent etc. she will grow out of it I'm sure.

Newnamenewname109870 · 29/04/2023 18:09

I think she probably quite likes getting them! I did tbh. They feel quite harmless.

SwedishEdith · 29/04/2023 18:10

How do you know he doesn't also have some?

Slavica · 29/04/2023 18:13

A fair point! No, I do not know if he has some.

OP posts:
Slavica · 29/04/2023 18:23

Thank you, everyone, you've make me feel better already. It's not easy at times, especially when I start second-guessing myself.

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