Pretty normal teenager - is this just standard behaviour?

[Northernlass1234]

So my teen (almost 15) is pretty good - in terms of behaviour at school - works hard and no detentions etc and has plenty of friends!

But …. At home the minute i ask about her homework she goes into screaming mode about me not interfering etc. she can also be rude and hurtful (no swearing) just shouting loudly although I’m next to her!!!

She never really has a nice word to say about me and complains constantly about me not making the food she likes (it bloody varies every day) to not having the right snacks!!

im so fed up of her constant ungratefulness but as she’s generally a good kid - should i just wait til she grows out of it?

Typing this makes me sound a bit silly as I’m sure i was like this too but as I’m a single Mum i always hoped we’d be closer.

High school can be pretty stressful and you're her comfort and rock, so to speak. She can let loose that other "side" of her personality when she's at home, where she's comfortable. At school she has to rein it in and keep everything in check so as to not bring attention to herself and be labelled as a problem student.

That being said, it isn't ok for her to raise her voice etc at just such a simple question. However, if you raise your voice and can be "snappy" on occasion then that's the type of behaviour you're modelling for her. Remaining calm and talking to her like you would another adult may be beneficial.

People expect teenagers to act like adults whilst they're treated like children. (Not saying that you do) So of course it isn't going to work.

Explaining why you're asking about homework could be a start - that you want to support her and ease some of the pressure etc.

Getting her involved in the meals&snacks you make&buy could be a great start too - it'll give her some responsibility.

If you think she's up to it, give her her own food budget for a week and take her shopping to buy all her own food for a week and see how she does. She may just realise that it isn't that easy and understand how stressful planning/buying and cooking the weeks meals&snacks can be but it prepares her for adult life too.

That's not normal behavior in my home and would never be tolerated.
Idk why people think teens should be allowed to act this way.
Definitely put your foot down now.
You got this!😊
BtwYour relationship with your daughter will get better as she gets older,I promise.My mom is my bf and my daughter's, ages 18 and 20 are my best friends❤️

My ds is the same age but no, he doesn't act like that - and would get short shrift from me if he did. I'm his mum not his flippin' house keeper.

When your dd complains about food I'd hand her a pad and pen, and tell her to write a meal plan and shopping list for the next week, or pipe down.

In our house, snacks are crisps, fruit, wholemeal toast with jam/marmite/peanut butter. Take it or leave it.

I ask ds what homework he has each evening. I remind him to do it, and I offer to help with longer projects. But I don't nag. He has to learn to pace himself.

His room is his space. As long as he brings me his dirty washing on a Saturday, I'm fairly chilled if it's a mess. I just shut the door. 🙂

DS(16) wouldn't talk to me like that, but his mood is a bit variable at the moment
Honestly I think it's GCSE pressure . He said to me yesterday that despite exams starting on the 16th May (2 weeks before study leave) they are still learning some part of subjects instead of just revising!
When he's in a bad mood, he goes off to his room, and once we've checked he doesn't z need anything we just let him be

I never lose my temper with them- they just don’t get as much or any money. Or the router turns off. Why argue? My teens are pretty well behaved as well.

Don’t set yourself up as an OP and don’t rise to the bait.

But …. At home the minute i ask about her homework she goes into screaming mode about me not interfering etc.

Its how you ask and why you ask.

Honestly, I think she sounds fairly typical. Try not to take it to heart too much and I used to get my hair off at that age re: homework. Try not to push her too hard on that. All that usually matters to many 15 year old girls is their friends. Mothers can be such a hindrance 😉. 🍷

Reminds me of quite a tragic story actually. I knew of a mother who died quite unexpectedly and I’ll never forget her 15 year old daughter saying “I told my mum that I hated her so many times and it just wasn’t true. I loved her so so so much”. I felt so sad for her carrying that guilt, as she wasn’t a bad kid, she was just a typical teen.

You say you are a single mum who hoped you’d have a close relationship. Are you unconsciously hoping that she will be a companion for you? This could be too much pressure for a teenager, plus stop asking about homework.

I used to deal with this by saying "would you like to change the way you've just spoken and try again? " get out clause for moody teen to try again without losing face, so to speak. I also talked about choices and consequences, and that making a choice means that the consequences, good or bad, have been chosen by them so their responsibility. Meant they couldn't do the "it's not fair" routine. Worked pretty well here. The kids hated it, but as adults they say it helped them to decide if something was worth doing. Kept them out of trouble both at home and away from parental supervision.

I like this - i think i will try this. I normally tell her to lower her voice otherwise i won’t answer her!

No def not - she’s very sociable and so am i - i do expect us to spend some time together but I’m happy she is so sociable. But i do want respect and a bit of gratitude!

Awful story. She’s only said “I hate you” once but she knows if she says it again she will be grounded. She knows to only say things she would be happy to hear! Although this doesn’t always work out 🤣

I wouldn't tolerate this, so no, it's not normal behaviour. The food thing is easy - make her own from now on.