15yr old DD has ‘met’ a boy on Snapchat

icantlivewithouttea · 2023-04-27T22:33:41+00:00

So my 15yr old DD has met a boy on Snapchat. They’ve been talking for a couple of weeks and now they want to meet. I just don’t know where to start with all this. She’s normally very levelheaded and sensible but she’s being quite naïve about this I think. How do we establish that he’s not a 40yr old pervert? If he’s a genuine person, then I don’t want to stand in the way of her happiness but I’m getting anxious. This is all so different to dating when I was 15, I don’t know what the etiquette is. Should I ask to speak to his parents? Etc any advice gratefully received!!

cadie3 · 28/04/2023 02:38

Hi, I’m a 17 year old girl who also did this a few years ago. However I did not actually meet up with them as I was too nervous.

Firstly I guess it depends where she met this guy from? Was it a dating website? Social media? Mutual friend?

When I used to speak to them I could often tell if they were not my age, for example the way they text or if their account looked dodgy.

Has your daughter been on call/facetime with the boy? If so then I wouldn’t be too worried.

like you say if she is sensible, I’m sure she is also sensible with this, if you are very worried I would maybe suggest to her to meet the boy in public with some of her friends (in the background) just incase he isn’t who he says he is.

Wittow · 28/04/2023 02:55

Firstly you say to her "I'm glad you told me". Then yes, a live facetime or WhatsApp call with him. Meet in a public place, and I'd even say you bein the vicinity. 1 hour initial meet up maximum.

AquamarineNoseStud · 28/04/2023 03:00

Also have a code word between you that she can use in a quick text, should she feel uncomfortable for any reason and want out.

HappiDaze · 28/04/2023 03:04

Can't they just chat via FaceTime first even just so they can see what each other looks like before they 'meet'

At least she's telling you which is a good thing

SpaghettiSquash · 28/04/2023 03:34

They meet in a public place with you as a chaperone until you are satisfied that he is of a similar age to your DD and she is comfortable with him. Do not think that if you see him on video chat you can ascertain that he isn't a "49 year old pervert". They are able to use filters/screens so that he may look like a teenager but isn't.

cadie3 · 28/04/2023 03:43

SpaghettiSquash · 28/04/2023 03:34

They meet in a public place with you as a chaperone until you are satisfied that he is of a similar age to your DD and she is comfortable with him. Do not think that if you see him on video chat you can ascertain that he isn't a "49 year old pervert". They are able to use filters/screens so that he may look like a teenager but isn't.

There’s definitely not a filter which would work on facetime which would change the face and voice, a picture could definitely be filtered but not Facetime. But I do agree with what you said, they need to be careful when meeting.

Floppyelf · 28/04/2023 04:07

Snapchat has no filters to stop inappropriate pictures being sent to 15 year old kids. What were you thinking. Letting technology parent your children.

GoodChat · 28/04/2023 05:29

How did she meet him on there?
Is it a friend of a friend or something?

Definitely a FaceTime.

myheartmyhead · 28/04/2023 05:33

Floppyelf · 28/04/2023 04:07

Snapchat has no filters to stop inappropriate pictures being sent to 15 year old kids. What were you thinking. Letting technology parent your children.

How has OP done that? My son uses Snapchat all the time to talk to his friends.... Snapchat certainly isn't parenting him! Unless Snapchat has learnt to cook, clean and chat about things with him!

Rollergirl11 · 28/04/2023 10:51

With Snapchat you can send pics/selfies of you that you’ve just taken within the chat back and forth and that’s how the majority of teens converse nowadays. Wouldn’t it be quite obvious if he wasn’t who he said he was?

Rollergirl11 · 28/04/2023 10:56

And I think you can tell in Snap if someone has sent a saved image to the chat or if the photo/video has been taken there and then by Snapchat and sent straight away. I could be wrong but from what my DD has said i think it would be pretty hard to keep up a pretence of being somebody else within Snap.

AquamarineNoseStud · 28/04/2023 12:03

Rollergirl11 · 28/04/2023 10:56

And I think you can tell in Snap if someone has sent a saved image to the chat or if the photo/video has been taken there and then by Snapchat and sent straight away. I could be wrong but from what my DD has said i think it would be pretty hard to keep up a pretence of being somebody else within Snap.

Top tip I learnt from a Cyber Security pro, on a safety training workshop:

For peace of mind that someone online hasn't just used a photo of another person to fake an identity, your daughter could always ask them to send a selfie right there and then holding up a piece of paper with 3 words SHE tells them to write on it.

Clever!

Of course, if they've already been live chatting on camera, no need for the above.

AquamarineNoseStud · 28/04/2023 12:05

Sorry, I meant OP's daughter not yours!

Endofmytether2020 · 28/04/2023 13:48

AquamarineNoseStud · 28/04/2023 12:03

Top tip I learnt from a Cyber Security pro, on a safety training workshop:

For peace of mind that someone online hasn't just used a photo of another person to fake an identity, your daughter could always ask them to send a selfie right there and then holding up a piece of paper with 3 words SHE tells them to write on it.

Clever!

Of course, if they've already been live chatting on camera, no need for the above.

Show quote history

Safer to use FaceTime (not snapchat etc) as I don't think FaceTime has the same age changing filters as other apps - not 100% on this though. Definitely do it live rather than taking a photo though (which could be doctored really quickly). Also passing a hand over the face seems to glitch most of the filters available. My 16 year old DS met a girl for a date who he had met through Quick Add on SnapChat. They face timed a few times beforehand and met in a public place.

AquamarineNoseStud · 28/04/2023 14:54

*Arghh. Not sure why words were missing on my post. Original was:

For peace of mind that someone online hasn't just used a photo of another person, to fake an identity, your daughter could always ask them to send a selfie right there and then, OF THEMSELF holding up a piece of paper with 3 words SHE TOLD them to write on it.

AquamarineNoseStud · 28/04/2023 14:57

@Endofmytether2020, not aimed at you, btw! My original post altered wording as it sent for some reason.