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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

17 and driving friends around

49 replies

grabbygravy · 27/04/2023 09:52

My DD2 is 16 and is about to sit her exams. She’ll be 17 in November and the topic of driving has already come up. Seeing news recently of three teens passing in an RTC and one being critically injured has really upset me.

Does anyone here ask their DC to not take too many passengers? I am not sure what car we will be looking to purchase. For my peace of mind I would really like a larger car for her. Any suggestions welcome but I will make a separate thread when the time comes.

I accept that she will need to use country roads because of where we live but the recent news has really hit home for me. A girl in the year above me at school passed in similar circumstances as well in the car of a new driver when we were younger.

Particularly for rural families, where realistically DC will need to drive to get around/work and see their friends. I won’t let her drive alone until I’m certain of her safety but it’s that risk of her being egged on by mates, taking shortcuts. It scares me so much - I wish we could move to a city if I’m being honest.

OP posts:
FoxFeatures · 27/04/2023 09:56

I don't know if it is a thing, but can she be insured to not have passengers? Ie only covered if she is driving alone.

As476 · 27/04/2023 09:58

Honestly, get insurance that needs a black box. Any speeding/sharp braking/acceleration and cornering are all monitored. Some even come with time restrictions like late night driving. That might be your best bet.

Cherrywoo · 27/04/2023 09:58

Three teens were killed near me last year, and one injured, it really shook the whole community.

I know some parents won’t allow their teens to drive with others in the car until they’re more experienced, which can work well. IME though many teens lie to get round this though.

Having a black box means you can see how your dd is driving, which might be reassuring?

ohsixone · 27/04/2023 10:05

I was on a speeding course recently (learnt my lesson!) and for the question "why did you speed?" a lot of the younger ones said "peer pressure".

I took that on board. I have advised my DC who are learning, once they qualify and take passengers, to say they have a black box fitted (even if we haven't) so it's easier for them to withstand "fuck sake mate, why are you driving like your gran?" comments.

We all like to think our own DC are sensible enough to drive safely, but the power of peer pressure was eye opening on that course.

ohsixone · 27/04/2023 10:11

I actually more afraid about my DCs getting into their mates' cars, more than I fear about their own driving. It's more worrying to me.

I know they are sensible enough to wear seatbelts, and have suggested if they are afraid, if a mate is driving dangerously, to say "my mum was caught by a speed camera/trap here" - or even text me and I'll ring and say they have to come come home because xxx (and I'll always pay for an Uber).

We all know realistically they're not likely to say "stop the car and let me out" you're driving like a knob" get out of the car in front of all their mates, so these are strategies to help a little. It's worrying.

Oakbeam · 27/04/2023 10:17

Can you book people on a speed awareness course even if they haven’t been speeding?

DuvetMeToday · 27/04/2023 10:18

Ds1 passed last year and Ds2 will hopefully start lessons shortly. As part of Ds learning to drive we watched lots of dash cam uploads to YouTube, Ruby Dash Cam being a good one as it has an opinion on who was right and who was wrong and seeing how badly cars are damaged by taking chances. You can see that crashes or near misses fall under just a few categories and you can usually predict what the accident will be, some come out of nowhere but most are predictable. Main ones, overtakes on country lanes so a car being on the wrong side of the road, bad emerge from junctions, lane discipline on roundabouts and blind spots of HGVs both left and right hand drives and where not to position yourself on a motorway, ie move quickly out of their blind spot. Also that driving too close and not obeying the two second rule meant more pile ups as less time to react to incidents.

Ds1 said it really helped him understand how to spot potential issues and back off from them. Mine is a brand new car and he drives it, yes, I trust him that much, so mine has an app that shows me average speed, top speed, distance travelled etc, but we also have a front and rear camera fitted and you can turn on the mic for the inside of the car. You can get cameras that also film the people in the car. My car features blind spot collision, lane departure and displays the speed limit read by the front camera etc which can all help if needed.

At my son's school 5 teens were in a car that was speeding and crashed, the driver survived and was fine but jailed, 2 teens were killed and 2 teens need 24 hour care due to their horrific injuries and of course never returned to school. I also watch 24 hours in A&E so although my children don't sit and watch it they are aware that you can have life changing injuries that need months and months of physio to recover. One woman broke her foot ice skating, they told it would take a year to heal.

AuntieDolly · 27/04/2023 10:30

We bought my son a 2 seater to avoid this issue

Hbh17 · 27/04/2023 10:33

If you are paying for the car, you set the rules. Friends of mine had a "no passengers" rule for the first 6 months after the kids had passed their test.

DelurkingAJ · 27/04/2023 10:36

Doesn’t it depend on the DC and their mates?

My DM used to say that she was more comfortable with us in friends’ cars than her own. She passed he test in her 40s and reckoned that my very sensible friends had been driving as long as she had and had sharper reflexes and better night vision. But that was because she knew my friends and their very risk adverse approach to life. She also insured me on the family Volvo which was built like a tank and had a tiny engine for its size (used to slow down going uphill with more than two people in it).

ohtowinthelottery · 27/04/2023 11:24

It's a tricky one. There was a tragedy near here recently too. One teenager killed, 3 hospitalised. Driver was 19/20. So any new regulations which either limit the number of passengers for a set period after passing their test will hopefully reduce fatalities but not eliminate them. In the case of the local crash it was the front seat passenger who died - so restricting to one passenger may not have made a difference to the outcome. Also potentially the driver could have had a full licence for over 2 years so any restrictions would have expired. (No charges against driver yet so may be innocent).

Far better to educate your DCs about safe driving and being a safe passenger.

FrenchandSaunders · 27/04/2023 11:30

I don't think you can put restrictions on who they have in the car etc. If they are good enough to pass their test then you just have to cross your fingers, have a chat with them, and hope for the best.

I'm not a fan of black boxes either, neither of my teens had those. My police officer friend thinks they cause more accidents/near misses.

lailamaria · 27/04/2023 12:48

i don't think it's fair to create a blanket rule without any give i think that unfairly punishes your teen, also legally once they've past their test they can drive whoever they want, placing restrictions will only create resentment, also i'm very anti black box

ejbaxa · 27/04/2023 12:52

I would just ask your dd not to take passengers.

My ds is learning, he’s 17 and his test is booked. He won’t be taking any passengers.

BodenCardiganNot · 27/04/2023 12:54

Get dashcams back and front for a start. That way you can review their driving if needs be.

FrenchandSaunders · 27/04/2023 12:56

We live in London and my DD went straight off to Brighton with 3 mates after she passed her test. Yes I did worry but I think it's controlling to set restrictions at this age.

Slimemonster · 27/04/2023 13:00

I highly recommend an extra driving course too, something like pass plus or get in gear - depends what is in your area.
The lessons will be in their own car, not a duel pedal car.
And another vote for the black box and dash cams already suggested.

updin · 27/04/2023 13:03

I've thought about this extensively, slightly different as I have sons, males are statistically more likely to get into accidents and that statistics go much higher with passengers. We've agreed that we will pay for lessons, car and insurance on the condition that we can set rules, and those rules will include no friend passengers and probably limits on night time driving too. Just for a period after passing, not permanently obviously, but it'll be under review for the first year!

updin · 27/04/2023 13:06

Oh yes and black box!

FrenchandSaunders · 27/04/2023 13:09

Yes maybe I would think differently if I had sons.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 27/04/2023 13:10

My DC were not allowed to take passengers for several months after they passed their test. Both also attended DriveSafe presentations when at college and DS did PassPlus after he passed his test. No major accidents; ds did have a silly prang and had to do a day's retraining thingy that improved his driving no end

WithyouFromDuskTilDawn · 27/04/2023 13:21

Will you be purchasing the car? If I thought my kids would be influenced by friends to do stupid stuff when driving, I wouldn’t be helping them learn to drive and get a car. If they don’t get the responsibility of driving, you need to do everything you can to prevent them driving imo.

Nimbostratus100 · 27/04/2023 13:27

this is a teacher's nightmare - the biggest single killer of teenage girls in our country is the driving of teenage boys. I have several times in my career lost a whole carload of students, either dead , severely disabled, or the worst possible thing for a school "being cut out now- alive and talking but not expected to survive the night- her parents are trying to reach her in time to say goodbye" - what exactly are we supposed to say to other students in that situation?

you re right to b worried and be careful - many schools ban sixth formers giving each other lifts for this exact reason

maddy68 · 27/04/2023 13:31

We had a ban on them being passengers in their friends cars and also giving them lifts.

We told them we had a reduction in the insurance because of it for a year lies