14 year old- personal responsibility

[Chunkybuttfunky]

Just looking for some advice please about my 14 year old.
I’ve queried for a while if he might have some mild form of oppositional defiance disorder, but I don’t know if it is this or just the teen defiance?

It’s come to a head this weekend as he’s been away camping, picked him up, soaked, and freezing, had an awful afternoon. I had helped him pack his bag with camping waterproofs so he had appropriate clothing available. Asked him why he didn’t put them on and he said it wasn’t raining that much. But he’s drenched and freezing and he knows he is.

I get this constantly, I think a lot of it is probably control related, in terms of he wants to decide what to wear, eat etc, and for the most part he makes his own choices but occasionally I step in as some of it is just stupid!

Sense would say that he’s done it once he won’t do it again, and next time he’ll put the right stuff on. But it never happens. He spends more time arguing why he shouldn’t have to do something than actually just accepting that it might be in his best interest not to go on a hike in April in a T shirt.

I really worry about his lack of awareness, my daughter is 2 years younger and I wouldn’t be too worried that if she got lost or something she wouldn’t know what to do, who to call, would be happy for her to go out on a train or bus with friends etc. But I really feel like I couldn’t trust him with his own safety.

The only way I can describe it is like he walks round with his eyes shut and takes absolutely nothing in. He’s very bright and in top set for all of his classes, just practically he doesn’t seem able to cope.

Is there anything anyone can suggest for me to help him please?

Hi, my son’s also 14 and is very similar in the way that he will seemingly ignore common sense with things that are easily in his control like wearing a warm coat instead of freezing. From what I’ve heard from friends and seen in family and others, I think it’s perfectly normal for teens to be like this, it could be a slight laziness of having to put on extra layers or it could simply be a silly oversight. People’s brains don’t fully develop until about 21 (so I've heard), they’re still growing and learning. My son does have autism and already lacked a bit of common sense so maybe he could be slightly autisitc? He could easily just as not be though

I was like this ! I have adhd. I think that you just need to let hin life his own stubborn way gently giving advice but not getting into rows.

I mean..he knows he got wet..he knows he had the clothes. Is it worth bickering with him about it ? I think its great a 14 yr old wants to be out and about ! At least he isnt sitting indoors gaming

Totally normal - the things teenagers think -aren't cool' are endless - Teenager not taking a coat and getting drenched, refusing to take a packed lunch and going hungry etc... then arguing the toss because they are embarrassed and don't want to talk about it! Set a good example and continue to support but not do it for him, that's all you can do.

Seems normal to me too OP (I have two teen boys). I can totally imagine them being too lazy or not wanting to seem uncool so getting soaked rather than putting on their waterproofs. It's hard to understand isn't it!

Thanks all so much, we’ve always queried ASD with him a little, but he really doesn’t struggle in school or socially (not that I’ve noticed anyway).
Such good advice, I really try to sort of gently guide him but as soon as he gets a whiff of me trying to put an idea in his head he immediately goes flying off the other end of the spectrum.

I think you are right he may just have to learn even though it will take him 10 times as long bless him!

Sounds exactly like my ds (14) who isn't lacking intelligence. It's just teenage arrogance.

Recently came home from skiing. I warned him about sun burn. I put two lots of sunblok in his bag. His teacher warned them all about sunburn. Handed out spare sunblok. H

DS didn't use any, came home with multiple layers of skin peeling off a red-raw nose. 😩

It seems he has to get it wrong himself, before he will believe anyone. Let's hope he grows up before he can apply for a driving licence.🙁