15yo with beginnings of ED. What to do?

[Rockbird]

DD1 is autistic, school refusing and generally very anxious and troubled. This has now started to affect her eating. She was a slim child and a chubby preteen and stayed so until last year. Since new year she has lost some weight, but is still a good weight. She is bothered by her weight and has been for a couple of years but she doesn't do any exercise which contributes to it. She isn't a massive overeater at all.

I should stress that NOTHING has ever been said about her weight, anything that we've talked about has been to do with fitness.

She came to me this week and said she was worried she would develop an ED because she was restricting meals and part of the reason she doesn't like leaving the house is because of how she looks.

I want to catch this as early as possible of course but don't know where to start. Apologies for the essay, we are struggling in so many areas with her and I'm out of resources. Thanks.

I’m sorry to hear about that, it might be best to get a professional involved, perhaps seeing a counsellor that specialises in ED would help? Also try to gently remind her that not eating at all will start to affect her mental and physical health more and more which will spiral

@Rockbird sorry to hear this - there is a supportive thread, those with lived experience caring for a child with plenty of advice - Support thread (8)for parents of young people with an eating disorder | Mumsnet

hi Op my daughter is autistic and school refuser so i understand how complex these things can be.

What help/support are you getting already? Could you afford a specialist - ie clinical psychologist who specialises in eating disorders?

There is a facebook group I'm in - autistic girls network - are you in that?

I find with these mental health situations it's best to speak to people who have direct experience of exactly what you are going through - and find out what worked - I have had good recommendations off sites like that.

I know how hard it is to get NHS help (On a waiting list for OCD help ourselves) - and I think with MH - the sooner you treat the better.

I have been reading Hadley Freemans book about girls and ED - v disturbing but insightful and at least she came out the other end.

Eating disorders are so, so common in autism. I have an autistic girl so this worries me a lot.

It’s great that she reached out to you.

What is it about her appearance that she hates specifically?

The teen years are so incredibly rough for autistic girls, I think it’s basically the norm to feel so profoundly different to your peers and hate yourself for being too weird, too socially awkward, too unlikeable, whatever.

I think you need to get her autism-focused support and - hopefully - that will support the disordered eating also.

Thank you all. It's all such a struggle. She's seen so many different counsellors but she hates it and clams up. She told me she has been asked before about feelings about her body and she said there was no problem with that. She hates letting people into her personal space, mentally and physically. I'm the only one she'll talk to.