Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Locked in their rooms all evening?

19 replies

switchgrade · 18/04/2023 19:17

Well, may as well be.

I have a 16 and a 12 year old. Both do one activity each in the week, and will come on a dog walk at the weekend if coerced.

However after school most nights I hardly see them. Upstairs online or gaming (both are talking to mates constantly). Just wondering how usual this is. I see more of the younger one, who will sometimes join me for tv, shopping, walk. Older one - if not out with friends - basically lives in his room and speaks to me for food, on leaving the house, etc. that's about it!

I'm a single mum and feel a bit lonely in the evenings these days 😀

OP posts:
vivaespanaole · 18/04/2023 19:57

Gaming here has to end 1 hour before bed and phones go away too. So with no tv in their room they tend to drift down and we usually have a series on the go that we watch an episode of. We all enjoy that time.

Tend to stick around and chat for half an hour after they get in from school/i come home from work. Talk about our days.

Weekends. They know they cant game all day. Im happy for sport etc to be on downstairs as its more communal and feels more together. They see friends. Go out and play their sports and will do an increasingly few things as a family but there are still some.

Wolfiefan · 18/04/2023 20:00

It’s normal for teens to start to spend more and more time away from the family and spend more time with friends or in their rooms. It’s a developmental step that prepares them and you for the time when they move out. Time for you. Hobbies and seeing friends etc.

Original poster
switchgrade · 18/04/2023 20:35

vivaespanaole · 18/04/2023 19:57

Gaming here has to end 1 hour before bed and phones go away too. So with no tv in their room they tend to drift down and we usually have a series on the go that we watch an episode of. We all enjoy that time.

Tend to stick around and chat for half an hour after they get in from school/i come home from work. Talk about our days.

Weekends. They know they cant game all day. Im happy for sport etc to be on downstairs as its more communal and feels more together. They see friends. Go out and play their sports and will do an increasingly few things as a family but there are still some.

Oldest has a tv upstairs, youngest can't until 13. So see you her one more. They can't have phones overnight, and I block them. I used to limit oldests gaming but stopped a while ago; maybe I should start again. Difficult at 16 as not sure how much freedom he should have. He is obsessed though. You get one more chatting to friends rather than gaming per se.

OP posts:
Original poster
switchgrade · 18/04/2023 20:36

#So see her much more

OP posts:
Dracuuule · 18/04/2023 20:45

Not having a tv in bedrooms helps!
They'll still go off and be on phones or watch things on laptops upstairs but the Xbox and tv keeps them hanging out downstairs. Plus no food in bedrooms rule keeps them hanging out in the kitchen.

cocksstrideintheevening · 18/04/2023 20:49

Mine aren't old enough yet but I wasn't hanging out with mum and dad when it's past y7, I was in my room reading or trying to get on dial up. Perfectly normal.

Dyslexicwonder · 18/04/2023 20:52

I realise things have changed with COVID and maybe I had a complient 12yo (assuming yr 7 or yr8 here) on the nights he didn't have a club, he did an hours' homework at the kitchen table every night after dinner (so 6:30-7:30) then had an hour to himself while I put his sister to bed, before phone had to be on charge in the kitchen overnight, the plan was that he had no screen in his room until after GCSEs in the event they were cancelled so he had a screen from mid yr11 onwards.

tallcypowder · 18/04/2023 22:18

It is pretty normal op. My friends say they come back and are more socialble when older.

CalistoNoSolo · 20/04/2023 20:54

Single mum to my teen dd and we eat and watch TV together every evening. She tends to do homework at the kitchen table so there isn't much locking herself away going on. She's always been v sociable though and enjoys adult company.

Strugglingtodomybest · 20/04/2023 21:00

It's hard isn't it OP? I have 16 and 18 year old boys and they spend most of their time in their rooms. But like a pp, I have friends with older children and they say that if you leave them to it, they do come back to you eventually.

I always think about a Bruce Parry documentary I once watched, where he lived with a tribe in South America somewhere and the boys went off into the jungle with the men when they were teenagers, to break the apron strings and learn how to be men. I think that disappearing into their rooms is the western equivalent!

Roselilly36 · 20/04/2023 21:03

Totally normal behaviour for teens.

Sweetleftfood · 21/04/2023 09:05

Now and again we can convince them to watch a series or movie with us but mostly they're at their rooms on their phones or gaming. 16 &14

MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 21/04/2023 09:07

DD doesn't but tells me all her friends do. Same as a pp, it's just me and DD, so she sits with me rather than upstairs.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 21/04/2023 09:16

Op same here. Single parent to 13 and 16 year olds. It now feels like I have swaths of time in the evenings (well I don't - there is still all the housework to be done) that I didn't have before.
I can definitely get them both down to watch something if there is an occasion / film with pizza etc but not every night. We recently got 2 kittens and that has meant both are naturally drifting downstairs more. They have really bonded the 3 of us weirdly!

Other than that I think we need to readjust - I have realised how much more trash I am watching on TV but I need to give some thought - with sunnier coming along to what I could do a couple of nights a week. I regularly go out on early evening walks with friends but I need something of more substance!

Just wanted you to know that you are certainly not alone!

I think it's a period of readjustment for us.

Stripycatz · 21/04/2023 09:17

Don't worry, they come back.💐

It is hard to adjust, but try to enjoy the time to yourself.
That said, don't consider their rooms to be off limits to you. 'visiting' for a chat is good to keep lines of communication open; take an interest in what they're doing, and offer regular invitations to do other things, even if it's just walking to the shop together.

My personal experience is that they eventually give up gaming and most social media too.

KitKatLove · 21/04/2023 09:21

Do you eat together?

33goingon64 · 21/04/2023 09:29

DS who is 12 but more like 14 in behaviour likes to go upstairs with his phone or to read or play guitar. The games console and TV are downstairs in the den and he's not allowed unlimited time on it - about 1-2 hours after school where he chooses to game and then another hour before bed which we encourage to be tv time so we're in the same room. We've recommended shows like Friends, Blackadder, Monty Python, Ghosts etc and we enjoy watching those together. Not sure I'll ever allow a TV or games console in the bedroom though I appreciate we're lucky we have space for a den which is separate to the lounge.

I guess you just need to let them know they're welcome to be downstairs with you and perhaps suggest something you could watch together that will engage them. I used to sit and watch ER, Friends, Roseanne and TV dramas with my Mum on a Friday night as a teen. But then I was never into gaming and we didn't have phones...

username98765 · 21/04/2023 10:09

I think it's fairly normal unfortunately. My dd's 14 & 17 will normally spend time with me until after dinner then they are generally in their rooms. It's sad 😞 maybe try and get them to do something with you at the wknd. Probably something they enjoy rather than what you'd like to do! We have horses so ride together at the wknds which is great,

foldablefarm · 21/04/2023 15:00

Ds is 16. He spends so much time in his room. He is pretty introverted so doesn't spend time out with friends. We eat dinner together and we have always have a TV series on the go too so we watch that for an hour after dinner. But now in the run up to exams the TV programme has been dropped so he can study. He studies in his room so now apart from dinner he is in there all the time after school. Hopefully he actually is studying and not just gaming!

Single parent here too, but I have a younger dc who is more than happy to keep me company in the evening for now at least!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread