Feeling hurt, is it me?

[Justtryingtokeepgoing]

Had a bit of a difficult conversation earlier with ds 15yo.

It started because he's been selected to go on a school trip. I need to make payment, he'd forgotten to give me the letter, I asked him if he wanted to go. He said he would if his friends were going but that he didn't know. Fine, but I was trying to get out of him who else might have been selected to go, who he'd be happy to go around with. He just point blank refuses to engage in any kind of conversation about it.

He hardly ever goes out outside of school so I asked if he was getting on ok with friends at school as I thought he'd be over the moon about the trip. I mentioned a couple of names asked whether he still hangs out with them. No they're all weird apparently but he's got loads of friends.

Later on I realised he hasn't handed in a certain piece of homework, we get an alert on the app. So asked him about it. Apparently the teacher didn't give out the sheet and the whole class got not submitted. Could be true but I was saying he needs to be a bit more organised in general and make sure he's keeping up with homework and revision. He told me he doesn't need to do the revision set by school as he can just watch YouTube videos.

He's got an answer for absolutely everything, NOONE goes out they all sit in their bedrooms, will not even consider getting a paper round because he'll get taken the piss out of, won't read a book because he'll get taken the piss out of (not sure how anyone would know), won't do any type of cardio apart from the football he plays because he'll lose muscle. But sitting in room for hours scoffing crisps is fine. Won't even help dad with the front garden for payment, because he'll get took the piss out of 🤷‍♀️

Everything is my fault, I'm stupid, I'm old fashioned, I ask stupid questions, I have unrealistic expectations.

He's not a bad lad and he's not getting into any trouble at school and he plays football which he loves. But even the suggestion of him doing anything else and I'm just a complete idiot who doesn't understand anything.

Sorry it's long but any wise words would really be appreciated.

I have two older teen boys. They wouldn't have read a book, mowed the lawn (unless pushed) or do 'cardio' at that age, although they too played football and also refereed for good money.
Yes to long hours in the bedroom. I thought that was par for the course. I was always red hot on their schoolwork though.
They're now off at uni and doing great.

Thanks 😊

Btw I didn't just simply tell him to go and do some cardio. I suggested that now the evenings are lighter he could go out one evening on the bikes with his dad or do a parkrun or go for a swim. Just to give him something else to do.

DS was like this at 14-15, coincided with lockdown - oh the joy.

I think the trick is to back off a bit. So if you get notifications on the app, then for things like that I say he needs to do whatever he has to to stop me being notified. In the example you gave , he perhaps did have a point.

On the school trip just say that Friday or whatever is the last day to confirm and if he doesn't you'll tell school he isn't going.

If it's any consolation DS seemed to turn a corner age 16.He still has his moments, but generally he's a bit more self aware.

DS1 (20) goes to the gym a lot now but wouldn't have at 15.
Going swimming and cycling with DH was probably behind them too at that age. Too self conscious.

He's 15. Wait it out.