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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teen dislikes other teens

15 replies

DippyDoppy123 · 17/04/2023 17:11

Had a great Easter holiday with my 15 year old. Been out for meals, days out, shopping, watching tv. She’s really good company and interested in music, fashion, make up, tv, politics. We seem to be leaving lots of the horrible bits of teenage life behind (have a younger one ready to start driving me mad!) and forging a lovely relationships.
She is academic and likes the learning aspect of school and has wide interests from art to maths and writing. The teachers love her and always speak highly of her motivation, attitude to learning and behaviour.
sounds great- right!
BUT she hates other teenagers… she has a small group of people to hang out with at school and a good relationship with a boy who has similar interests but she can’t stand all the drama and behaviour of her peers. She complains about the sexism and misogynistic attitudes rife among the boys and the drama and bitching of the girls. She just isn’t interested in any of that. She wants to talk about music and interests.
I think she’s intimidated by how confident some girls appear and I’ve tried to talk to her about how some people just hide their insecurities.
she says she’s lonely and would love people to hang out with who ‘get her’ and Ikeep saying that life will get easier as the others mature and she’s likely to find like minded people at college/uni.
any words of wisdom?

OP posts:
QueenSmartypants · 17/04/2023 17:13

life will get easier as the others mature and she’s likely to find like minded people at college/uni
Yes - these.

I certainly wouldn't be encouraging friendships with bitchy girls or misogynistic boys.

She'll find her tribe.

Mumma · 17/04/2023 17:16

My 15 year old is the same and I'm so so glad.

Drummend01 · 17/04/2023 18:57

Sounds like she’s wise beyond her years and mature enough to know to surround herself with good people.

Does she have any hobbies? I’d encourage her to start one that’s not linked to her school, she’s much more likely to
meet like minded teens there without the cliques and bitchiness.

Newusernameaug · 17/04/2023 19:00

Mine was the same until college, he’s always been way more mature than his peers and just found them annoying and nasty!

junebirthdaygirl · 17/04/2023 19:07

Does she go to any clubs outside school where she may more in common with the teens. Film making/ choir or orchestra/ chess club/ dance class/ Young politician's/ volunteering/ Church etc. My dd found most of her friends outside school.

whiteroseredrose · 17/04/2023 19:09

Don't worry. Both of mine 'found their tribe' at sixth form and university. They were both old heads on young shoulders.

RomanticizingHeroine · 17/04/2023 19:13

Surely all the girls aren't bitchy, drama queens?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 17/04/2023 19:15

Is she in year 10 or 11?

I’d encourage her to go to sixth form college or FE college and not stay in school sixth form. She’s far more likely to find her tribe in a new setting

Original poster
DippyDoppy123 · 17/04/2023 20:18

Muchtoomuchtodo · 17/04/2023 19:15

Is she in year 10 or 11?

I’d encourage her to go to sixth form college or FE college and not stay in school sixth form. She’s far more likely to find her tribe in a new setting

She’s in year 10… yes she’s already thinking of going to a large college and she’s sussed out the lunchtimes clubs they offer. Lots of things that interest her like debate club and choir so fingers crossed.

OP posts:
Original poster
DippyDoppy123 · 17/04/2023 20:21

Drummend01 · 17/04/2023 18:57

Sounds like she’s wise beyond her years and mature enough to know to surround herself with good people.

Does she have any hobbies? I’d encourage her to start one that’s not linked to her school, she’s much more likely to
meet like minded teens there without the cliques and bitchiness.

She did dance several times a week but it was quite structured and didn’t offer much opportunity to chat and socialise. She dropped that earlier this year as the pressure was too much combined with her studying.
she does music lessons but that doesn’t offer much chance to socialise either.
will have a look at other opportunities locally ❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
DippyDoppy123 · 17/04/2023 20:27

Thank you everyone… it makes me feel better to hear positive stories.
I keep being light and positive and don’t let her see how worried I am for her and it’s reassuring to hear it’s not just us in this situation.

OP posts:
2023issucky · 17/04/2023 20:30

Same here. Neither of my girls fit into the boxes of teen girls. Both very independent. Eldest has found a tribe and has a best friend who she spends everyday on phone to. Youngest will hang out with small group of friends but much prefers to be with me or on her own.
It's ok, she will find like minded friends when she's ready.

RomanticizingHeroine · 18/04/2023 16:16

Neither of my girls fit into the boxes of teen girl

No teenage girl does. They are all individuals. Why do you say your DD found her tribe but say others fit in a box?

brooksidebackside · 18/04/2023 16:21

My eldest was exactly like yours but she stuck with a group of friends through high school so as not to be alone - can't blame her tbh. She didn't really agree with most of their behaviours and just coasted though. She went to college at 18-20 and completely dropped the school friends. She didn't mix with college people out of college but got along fine with them when there. She now is working full time and has got a great groups of close likeminded friends from there and an extended group of not so close but meet up out of work every few weeks friends too. I think she was just too focused and mature tbh; not she is mixing with a range of ages and it works much better.

JaninaDuszejko · 18/04/2023 16:37

If she likes music is there a local youth choir or orchestra she could join? They are a more sociable way to enjoy her music.

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