13 year old vaping - dilemma

[Tillyscoutsmum]

My 13 year old DS has confided in a close relative that they vape. He showed her a "bragging - look at me blowing smoke rings" video of him. I knew some of his friends vape regularly and also knew he'd tried it (but apparently didn't like it). Relative has told me about it but asked that I don't let him know that she told me because she wants to retain her confidante status.

I'm a bit stuck. I'm obviously annoyed at the vaping thing (but ultimately hoping it's a daft phase) but I am pissed off at the lying to me and other people knowing (DD was also there so she knows too). I feel like I need to raise it with him but don't want to drop her in it...

Any advice?

Can't you have a "tidy up" of his room and see if you see one? That way if you find it, you can show him the proof and press him on it

I think that the only ways that you could have found out that he vapes are 1) he's posted that video online. Maybe on his finsta? 2) he vapes in public and someone (maybe a neighbour) saw him 3) you find his vape and /or juice

Just tell him school sent a letter out about the dangers of vaping as children were found doing it at school and you want to talk to him about it.

Get informed first with the evidence for a 13 year old the more gruesome the better, the teen in America that had a double lung transplant, any gruesome pictures you can find. The fact that there were lots of dog deaths when they bit the cannisters and we are not so different to dogs internally. How smoking was deemed good for you for 50 years until there were enough bodies to find out otherwise, and vaping only been around for 20.

You don't need to betray your relative or daughters confidence or raid his room although I'd probably do that anyway along with the pockets and lining of his school bag which is where they hide them.

Thanks both. I have had a nosey in his room but haven't found anything. I'll need to wait until he goes out to have a more thorough search. There's nothing on his socials. I suppose I could use the "someone saw him" one but would need to wait for a little while to not make the source obvious (he told her when we were out for lunch yesterday and she phoned me last night).

I'm mostly upset that he's not been open with me. I've always had a close relationship with them and they tell me lots. They (and others) have always commented that I'm "chilled" and they can tell me stuff so I'm still a bit shocked/perplexed about the whole thing 🙄