12 year old DS - am I over worried?

[WonkeyDonkey99]

Bit of background - DS is 12. Started secondary school this year. Seems very popular at school. Very social within school. Lots of groups of friends that are both sexes. Doing well in lessons. Plays rugby for his school twice a week.
But once out of school, he does nothing with his friends! He plays rugby on a Saturday. Seems happy enough there. But then he loves to just be at home, mainly playing his PS5 or Switch and wrestling with his younger brothers. He’s been invited to a few parties which he’s been to but didn’t particularly enjoy. I’ve asked him (gently) about his lack of socialising out of school, but he says he’s done with socialising when at home and likes to be with us (his dad works away m-f so likes seeing him at weekend). I see groups of his friends out, walking around, bike riding, playing rugby, but my DS just isn’t interested in joining in. He thinks it’s boring! They’ve stopped asking him now and he’s okay with that.
I’m trying to let this go a bit now as he seems happy enough. But should I be pushing him to be out, doing things he obvs doesn’t want to do???????

He's happy, has friends and does go out on a Saturday, but likes down time at the weekend (like lots of people) - what's the problem?

It's a really shift going from primary school where parents arrange social gatherings, to secondary where they do it themselves. I wouldn't be too concerned. Kids are lazy, why bother going out when you can sit and play computer games all day? Perhaps look to have more control over his screen time if that is all he ever does, as it won't help.
DS has only really started going out with friends over the last year and he's year ten. If we allow for the fact he couldn't meet up with friends for a large chunk of secondary school time, it still shows these things weren't immediate.

Don’t worry.

Mine go through phases of this, especially in winter.
They do have friends and occasionally go out, but also just like to hang about at home, baking and things.

I wouldn’t worry. My eldest hates going out from oct-March! Says it’s way too cold to be hanging out outside.

I think you’re right. I don’t really know what my issue is. It’s like I have FOMO on his behalf when it’s obvious he isn’t really bothered!

The book 'Women Who Think Too Much' really helped me.

Whoops, wrong thread!

Our eldest was the same. Started to change in year 9 when we found ourselves needing to ferry him everywhere.

DD started developing more of a social life in year 8. She and her friends go to the the beach, cinema and each others houses, they are all home bodies and wouldn't want to be wandering the streets. He just needs to find his tribe, you need to set some boundaries and expectations and then let it go. So for me DD has to get out of the house everyday during the school holidays and the weekend, if she doesn't go with her friends she has to go with me. No screens at home during school hours means she finds something else to do (or goes to her friends where they are both on screens) but after school hours she's unrestricted until 9pm.

They are all different - my Y11 still doesn't go out much, my Y7 has an allergy to being at home

I would let him go at his pace! Wish mine would stay in one place

This is my ds. Who's 11 and about to go to secondary. Occasionally he will go out with friends but between school and 4 clubs a week - he wants down time. He rarely answers in the group chats either because he's watching his favourite things or cooking or something.

He has no clubs at the weekends so he can choose to do as he wishes at the weekend.

Husband and I are not worried.

He’s in secondary now. Your job is to take a step back and be there if he needs you when it comes to his social life (taxi, cash, that kind of thing 😁)