Drug testing teenagers

[user1470739004]

Would you randomly drug tests your teenager?

We have a 16 year old son whom we have caught about 3 times over the past 2 years smoking weed / taking edibles. Last time we caught him was about 6 months ago (I don’t know if he has gotten better at hiding it or has given it up) the problem is he turned 16 in feb and wants to start going to house parties with his friends. he hangs around with a bad crowd who - from what I have heard from a couple of different people - constantly smoke weed/edibles. and over the weekend, a well meaning neighbour told me that they had heard that our son was seen smoking weed with these lads. He admits he was with them while they were smoking but denies smoking himself. My question is would it worth getting him to do random drug tests if he is to start going out or would this makes things worst in the long run (trust issues etc) he is still in school/works with his dad weekends/holidays and is involved in sports. I don’t know what else to do to keep him out of trouble. Thanks in advance for any advice given.

I work in a drug service- but still wouldn't test my teens. Not unless there were forensic problems.
The thing is- if you catch them out lying- what would you do? You'll only have done it because you think they ARE lying. In which case, you will only have proven yourself right. That won't help you or them.
Yes, you might be taken for a mug at times- but it's still better IMO to keep the communication open between the two of you.

You CAN say- listen, I'm not sure I can believe you as you've not always been truthful before.
But I'm going to keep talking to you and I expect the same respect from you. I think you're adult enough to understand where I'm coming from.

Also, they aren't specific in that the metabolites can show in a urine screen for varying times- so you can get into all kinds of useless arguments, with then saying they used a week ago. Or it was just at a friends house, or the test is wrong- etc etc etc.

Good luck.
Ultimately the way you parent then is up to you.
Try not to police then though- just be congruent with your emotions and show them how it affects you.

...I keep typing 'then' not 'them'!

Thanks so much for replying @gettingolderbutcooler I think you are probably right about not drug testing. I’m just at my wits ends with him. I ‘believe’ he is still smoking weed but I haven’t actually caught him so can’t ground him etc. but at the same time I’m afraid to give him the freedom he wants - to go to house parties etc. one of my brothers has a problem with cocaine which causes a lot of problems for everyone (& is ruining his own life) and I’m terrified of my son going down the same route.

I did random testing on my ds, when he was 14, like you I was worried, he had started smoking weed, his gf started him on it. I pretended it was from the doctors advice and I needed wee samples.

He always tested negative as I think it did scare him enough at the time. I had also seen msgs from his gf saying it leaves your system after a week etc.

I've no doubt he has smoked since, but much less. It's hard dealing with teenagers!

The problem is he can't see the harm. Rather than testing him, find a way of showing the consequences of long time cannabis use.

My children have never touched illegal drugs or tobacco because they know it's wrong (dd2 is random drugs tested for work). I have helped run a homeless drop in for years, they volunteered from around 14 and met the addicts.

I don’t see the point in testing when you know he does it.
‘When my son was this age he would lie to my face while I was holding the evidence in my hand. All you can do is educate him in the negatives of drugs, and keep him busy. Keeping him involved in sport, and working is the way to go.

Thanks everyone, teenagers definitely are a nightmare. Give me a ‘Terrible 2s’ toddler any day. At least you know they are safe.

that’s exactly what I was hoping @par05 he insists he hasn’t smoked weed since the last time we caught him but I don’t think that’s true. I was hoping that if he knew he could be randomly tested at any point, it would at the very least make him think twice about smoking it.

Thanks @DustyLee123 we have tried explaining about the dangers of drugs & he can see some of the problems it is causing my brother, but he just wont listen. Keeps saying we are just lecturing him. we will continue trying to educate him on this though.

(Between working & commuting ) He has been gone nearly 12 hour days on building site with his dad during the Easter holiday but he still came home and went to meet his friends around 8pm nearly every evening.