Navigating school holidays with a preteen

[Summerfuntime]

I completely understand that's its normal for your teenager to start moving away from the family but how do you adjust?
We've always been a tight family of 4, mum, dad , son, daughter and have always done everything together. Now son is becoming more independent the days out we used to do such as farms , parks and all that he doesn't want to go . That's fine. But our 8 year old still does want to do those things and she also really misses him
He won't stay at home on his own yet so I've taken my daughter out separately but we are really missing him. We take a friend for her.
There doesn't seem to be anything at all for teenagers in our local area. So he spends his time either sleeping in, gaming or out with friends playing football . This is every few days not every day. I don't feel like he's doing enough and I'm dreading the summer holidays because I don't want him in his room for 6 weeks , he's only 12.
How do you adjust as family to the different age requirements?

I think you start by setting some expectations NOW before it gets harder. Aged 12 I would say that the family day out is not negotiable. You’re a family, you will do some things together. Not every day but I can’t imagine you’re off to a petting zoom daily so when you do go, I’d expect him to go. In life we can’t always stay home and game. We have to do things with our family.

second I’d set screen limits now. It’s easier to do it now then when he’s 14. I doubt he’d be as keen to stay home with a book or jigsaw so make it more appealing for him to leave the house and that means not offering gaming instead.

My DD is 11 - she desperately wants to be out and about with her friends rather than be inside but she is happy still to do family days out. Tbh by 15yo is still happy to do days out so I do think 12 is quite young to opt out of them. I think it's finding a mix of activities that will appeal to him as well.

Maybe it's a girl / boy think as mine are both girls.

I disagree with the poster above.

Enforced family fun is fun for no one! You need to look for things that your ds will enjoy with you rather than keep doing the old stuff.

I have three teens and this is normal behaviour OP. You can't take a 12yo along to a kiddie farm, but you can insist that he joins you on some days out. He can go to the park if you bring a friend and a football. Can you think of days out that would appeal to him? Theme park (I know they're expensive), cinema, aqua splash? It's about compromise and balance.

12 is very young to say no to days out and if he's absolutely insistent or it's a very young activity then surely he can't then refuse to stay alone. I get Easter hunts and maybe even a farm to and extent or smaller soft play but there are loads of activities suitable for pre teens - adventure parks, go ape, ninja warrior or bigger soft plays, climbing centre, tubing, bowling, cinema, meals, paddle boarding or other water activities, crazy golf... the list is endless.

Maybe try some activities that appeal to both? Or do the petting zoo as an add on, so go from there for dinner out or on the way home from the cinema. Or drop him and a friend in the cinema while you take the youngest to the petting zoo?
ime activities that still tempt my 15yo (and occasionally my 17yo) are ice skating, climbing, bowling, meals out, go karting, high ropes course, shopping, beach bbq, long dog walks away from the local area (sometimes locally too), shopping.
id also expect a 12yo to be out with friends occasionally so could do younger activities then. If not, I’d be confident leaving them at home for a few hours, but then mine were making their own way to and from school at that age, often via a waffle place/ park/ friends house so we’re used to a few hours unsupervised.

Oldest is 14 and has been pretty self-organising since age 12 in holidays and weekends. I realised recently is that it means we actually have to be a bit more on top of doing things with DS (3 years younger) as he's not there yet and we had been tending to under-entertain him a bit, but am rectifying that now.

They both like animals and some art exhibitions - this week, for example, I took them both to a street art exhibition that they both got something from. They will whinge about walks a bit, but if we can find one where you see wildlife and/or get to at least dip your feet in a stream or river, that helps.

Yes we are trying to please them both but he doesn't want to do what she wants , and she doesn't want to do what he wants..
If he comes with us to a farm for example he's moody and I get annoyed
If we take our 8 year old to the sporting things he likes she won't join in as she's not sporty and is quite timid. So finding it difficult to do anything together
The answer is to do them apart of course but it makes me sad lol
I'm more interested in finding things for him to attend over summer but there doesn't seem to be anything over age 12 here.

I feel your pain. There are loads of things my 12yo would enjoy doing (all listed above) but they're all so expensive!! It feels like it's just the free/cheap days out that he moans about 🙄

I do go for a bit of enforced fun I'm afraid. I try and phrase it as a compromise - he's not stupid, he understands that we can't afford go ape every day, and he also understands that the younger ones need to get out of the house every day. He's perfectly happy on his own for up to an hour at a time, but he wouldn't want to be home alone alone any longer than that, so he comes along with us. I'll admit that I do use pockets full of edible bribes to keep spirits up on "boring" walks.

It's hard to find things they both like. I found swimming, cinema, meals out etc seem to be a middle ground. My oldest is nearly 12 and he stays home or meets friend if I take my daughter out.

My DS is 12 and I'd say it's normal behaviour!
Best advice is to find "cool" things to do and get some input from him ... we have an "professional" climbing wall nearby, there's a jungle park ect.
DS happily comes along to these. Cinema is ok departing on the film and takeaway afterwards!
We have also games night- where DS can show off / teaching his video games to us! 😜
Lately I have found that he really likes to come dog training with me... but I understand that's very niche!

I've always loved having a boy and a girl and there age cap of 3 years was always perfect, until now haha

there are loads of activities suitable for pre teens - adventure parks, go ape, ninja warrior or bigger soft plays, climbing centre, tubing, bowling, cinema, meals, paddle boarding or other water activities, crazy golf... the list is endless.

Yes. My older teen still enjoys all of these, with his friends, not his mum or younger kids. Even then it has to be at least 3 of them, he says it's not fun otherwise. At 12 mine went to all of these without adults, local swimming pool was their go to for a while, we do have very good public transport though.
OP whilst some family time is nice it does lessen somewhat as they get older. It's not all bad, mine still likes to go for a walk or to the beach with me occasionally and will come to visist relatives but I do think you need to change your expectations.

@Apocalypticdays I'd understand that at 14/15 but dd is13 (young in her year - most of her friends are turning 14 now) and none would refuse to do these things with family and certainly not at 12. Yes they go and do things with friends too but not exclusively