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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What is the point

13 replies

tiredoutma · 30/03/2023 18:46

Down visiting my elderly parents . DS13 being rude and difficult . Feel embarrassed and stressed as I am caring for them at the same time. Refusing to put even his plate away or basic manners. He thumped me on my back 3 days ago when i tried to take his ipad away.

I felt I have been a good mum- loving and nurturing, a stickler for manners when he was younger. He has good friends and does well at school. I know him to be a straightforward, modest, unspoilt and unassuming boy. These days he mocks me, answers back and is rude

What is the point in it all if this is what happens?

Feeling tired, stressed and fed up

OP posts:
Cherrybl0ssm · 30/03/2023 18:56

I think it’s a phase most teenage boys go through. Is his Dad in the picture? If yes then he needs to pull him up on it and talk about respecting his mother.
If he isn’t then either a male relative or you need to get tough. It’s unacceptable and he should treat his mother with respect. If there are sanctions you can use then do that.
They do turn back into kind people: but there can be a few rocky years.

Original poster
tiredoutma · 30/03/2023 19:35

Hi dad, my husband is on the scene but he treats me like shit most of the time. Disrespectful and belittles me every day. He has his own issues - I am riding it out until I can't anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredoutma · 30/03/2023 19:37

@Cherrybl0ssm so yes I will ask his dad to step in but I risk being told it is my fault!

OP posts:
Brefugee · 30/03/2023 19:37

Hi dad, my husband is on the scene but he treats me like shit most of the time. Disrespectful and belittles me every day. He has his own issues - I am riding it out until I can't anymore

sorry, OP, you've allowed your DS to copy your DH's behaviour. Frankly? send DS back to his dad and stay with your parents alone.
When you go back home, prepare everything then leave. try for 50/50 with your son

Original poster
tiredoutma · 30/03/2023 19:47

@Brefugee I can't leave yet. It is very complicated . But I guess I am being punished twice.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 30/03/2023 19:49

then you just need to pretend it's water off a duck's back and carry on until you can leave.

But you really need to leave, complicated or not

Cherrybl0ssm · 30/03/2023 19:53

Im sorry. That sounds super hard. The advice about ignoring it is probably good. I have also refused to help my teen DC before when then have been particularly unpleasant eg lifts, treats etc only happen if the behavior has been ok/good towards me.

Original poster
tiredoutma · 30/03/2023 19:58

@Cherrybl0ssm thank you . I am trying my best to ignore but it is so draining

Sorry I don't want to drip feed- just i have lived with it for so long I accept it. My husband has significant mental health problems after active service- his MH makes him very hard to live with but even though he is really horrible to me I do hold out for better days as he was nice to me once

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredoutma · 30/03/2023 19:59

I can't really rely in DH to help me with discipline much so I didn't mention him at the beginning - sorry

OP posts:
Brefugee · 31/03/2023 08:00

My husband has significant mental health problems after active service- his MH makes him very hard to live with but even though he is really horrible to me I do hold out for better days as he was nice to me once

can you still use SSAFA if his MH problems are military related?
But, OP, you really really don't have to stay with him because it will add to his woes. You have to look out for yourself too.

Sound harsh? sure. I'm ex military as are many of my family, so I get how hard it is. But it's no help to your son either.
Flowers it sounds really tough

Original poster
tiredoutma · 31/03/2023 17:57

@Brefugee thanks. He has sought help but it has been a long journey. Sometimes I guess some people don't get better- and he has been deeply traumatised and i don't feel i can leave yet

I am trying to keep the famiiy intact and feel i am the only one parenting

OP posts:
Brefugee · 01/04/2023 08:20

good luck, OP, you sound lovely and don't deserve crap

candlewicket · 02/04/2023 22:49

@Brefugee thank you so much x

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