Help my sister be "trendy"

[MrsSnape]

My sister is extremely low on confidence and until lately she has never had any interest in fashion, personal hygiene or appearance etc...she is constantly a target for bullies. She is 14 in May.

Anyway she has recently said she wants to be more "Modern" in order to fit in but she's one of these people that looks at other people, tries to copy but always gets it wrong, she has been taking a "betty boop" bag to school with her because she saw another girl with one but she was laughed at and told people just "dont" use bags like that. She continued to take it to school anyway but has had another look around and has said "the others" take a kind of handbag to school, black with buckles and diamante studs or something...this sounds "very" unusual to me and I'm wondering if she's maybe seen a teacher with a bag like this and assumed it was trendy. I don't want her to make the same mistake again and said I'd help her find a school bag on thursday.

What bags do you DD's take to school and can anyone identify this "handbag" that she's seen? the way she described it made it sound like a middle aged woman would use it for shopping, not a 14 year old for school...

What about taking her to a slimming club such as slimmers world where young people are welcome so she can lose some weight which will improve her looks and her health and she may meet some other young people there too?

I'll never forget the time I was visiting my parents in my hometown and saw 'the most popular' girl from my year at school looking very frumpy and working on the checkout at tesco.

I'm not being judgy judgy but it was just very satisfying. She bullied me so much, and it was nice to feel a bit of one upmanship.

In fact it seems to be a bit of a trend that the 'geeks' , or the 'nobodies' have ended up really succesful, whereas the popular crowd are still in the same dire town getting drunk on saturday nights and working rubbish jobs.

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Oy Motherfunk I wanted to ask you some stuff. Can you CAT?

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One of the most picked on girls at my school is now an Archaeologist - another is a teacher, another is something complicated that involves a Masters in Economics.

I bumped into one of my previous school bullies in a pub toilet last year. Her response was "What you fuckin look at" and I had to check my clothes to assure myself it had not been swapped for a school uniform.

She's nearly 30, but in her head she's still 15. Perhaps reassure your little sister that she will be better off in the long run?

Back to bag question. I know this isn't the whole issue, but may help

I have just done a bag project with my Y10 textile class. They all had to say where their bags were from.

In rank order:
H&M
Primark
Top Shop

Silver bags were v popular. As were fabric very simple longish bags. None of them had an across body bag, but all of them fitted on a shoulder with 2 handles There are 18 in the class..

HTH

You're a really lovely sister to be looking out for her. It is sooo hard being 14; I wouldn't want to go back to being that age despite it taking inches off the hips!

Re the hair - how about a sharp, layered bob that takes the weight out of it and looks a bit edgy?

H&M/Topshop for the bag.

How bad are the spots? The sort that warrant a visit to the gp? I'm not kidding, but I taught teenage girls who after 2 spots would be prescribed something from the gp!

Custardo has got it right about finding an identity and 'rules' for dressing.

And whoever mentioned it is right about a hobby that may well be her route into a career later as well as boosting her SE. Does she like animals, children etc?

DD is 14 in a few days and in y9, she says 'everyone' has bags from primark, either cottony+leather effect big bags or leather effect handbag style bags that just fit A4 in and are carried like fizzbuzz says.
If you go to Primark you could buy 3 or 4 and still have change from £25, they don't last long but at least this way if you get it wrong its not a huge waste of money.
If you want to go the more expensive route then this is what my daughter has just bought, big enough for all 6 of her A4 excercise books and a few big text books/pencil case/make up bag/jumper etc and it isn't any one particular 'style'.

As for fashion, try having her hair high/low lighted or even dyed blonde/brunette, I was 'ginger' at school and had the piss taken out of me until I dyed my hair blonde, 2 weeks later no-one could remember me being a red head, BUT the bullying will probably be worse for those 2 weeks... (now I sport my natural auburn locks)

DD says that her 'fashion essentials' for the nice, normal, not too slutty, not too nerdy, friendly girls are... (she wants to edit vogue later in life...

A pair of good dark denim jeans (if shes curvy bootcut would be more flattering)

A good plain white t shirt, again if she is curvier try a scoop neck/v neck rather than a crew neck

A nice cardigan in bright colours/patterns (try primark and bag a few) if she has red hair go for green/blue/purple not pink/red/orange

Uggs (not necessarily real) and ballet slipper style shoes with coloured toe and heel caps

A nice belt

A statement necklace

sorry, link not working, well its river island site, bags -> handbags -> and its the last one on page 2

How about asking the school if she could have a peer mentor, perhaps a trendyish girl in y11/the sixth form? she might be able to help her and if your sister admired her she might try to emulate her without realising it?

here is what I was talking about in my first post, this is from peacocks but the primark ones are identical in style and come in more colours! And they're only £6

Yup, I'll second that. The whole classes were more of less variants on that

DD(14) Says,[[http://www.topshop.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=0&viewAllFlag=&cat alogId=19551&storeId=12556&categoryId=74448&parentcategoryrn=42351&productId=572123&langId=-1 These]

or

[[http://www.newlook.co.uk/women/accessories/fashion_bags/1350501/135050149/ProductD etails.aspx These]

or

[[http://www.newlook.co.uk/women/accessories/fashion_bags/1373850/137385001/ProductD etails.aspx These]

worth a look in newlook,

cheap & nice

ugh noo good me

someone help

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Thanks so much for all the advice. (and thanks to your DD's for their expertise! you think you're cool and 'informed' until you speak to a teenager and realise you're just old and sad lol)

Unfortunately things took a horrible, nasty turn today and the issue is no longer about the clothes, I'll post about it in a seperate thread but I didn't want to ignore the help I had been given on here. You've all been a great help and I'll have a look around Primark, new look, top shop etc with her tomorow.

She also wants me to help her choose some tresemme shampoo lol My mum will have a heart attack when she see's the price of the bottles, I think she's used to buying Morrisons own

wasnt just me getting it wrong then thankkks

I hate to say it but it's probably not a handbag issue. If the horrible little madams in the class have been bullying her, then they're not suddenly going to like her or forget about it because she has the right handbag. It will just be like waving a surrender flag in their faces.

I would concentrate on
1 trying to make her look neat and tidy
2 getting her an interest. It's confidence she needs, not accessories.

I think you should drag her down to the RSPCA. Tell her if she wants to do animals, this is where she has to start. And I bet you anything she's not really afraid of being bitten, she's afraid of a new situation and new people. Which I can understand. I was bullied too and felt unattractive in every way. Having an interest, and eventually meeting people who shared that interest, did wonders for me.

Once she can feel good about herself, and maybe earn the esteem of other people, by being gentle with guineapigs and patient with puppies, it will be a lot harder even for ill-intentioned people to walk all over her. And the responsibility for animals may encourage her to take more responsibility for herself.

Buy her a year's subscription to Vogue and tell her it's required reading - chock a block full of style ideas.

DD speaking here:
i agree with Anna8888 but maybe not vogue but something like cosmogirl or teen vogue because when i get my monthly vogue it always makes me feel a tad small seeing all those expensive clothes, but its a good way to get inspiration.
topshop is always good for going for a new look, you could book a topshop shopper and spoil her for christmas or something by having an appointment in the 3 floor topshop in oxford circus. it is full of clothes and bags and everything, there is bound to be something she would like. and if she likes animals etc maybe a pet for herself?

topshop shopping spree appointments
www.topshop.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/StaticPageDisplay?storeId=12556&catal ogId=19551&identifier=ts1%20gift%20cards%20and%20sprees
peace love n luck
TheDaughterYouWishYouHad
xoxoxoxoxxoo