How do you monitor your teens phone?

[Lulu44]

I did a course through work recently covering grooming via social media and its scared the life out of me to be honest.
I've checked my 13yr dd phone and deleted some apps but am torn about things like snapchat? Appears to only be school friends on hers and I got strong push back when I suggested deleting it.
I question any names im not familiar with and how she knows them but I don't know if I'm doing enough?

So if you monitor your teens phone, what do you check and how often?

My youngest is 16 and i haven't checked their phone for nearly a year. Before that we used qustodio to monitor which apps they used. Discord was banned after a few issues.

Given that your DD is 13, I'd say the absolute best way to start is to engage in this conversation with them directly, and work with them to help them keep themselves safe, rather than monitoring in a more punitive, invasive way.

Discuss what apps they're using, engage with what they're looking at, and reassure them as to what to do if they see or experience anything they are uncomfortable with. Make sure they know that they can come to you no matter what, and that you will deal with any situation calmly and work with them. Work with them, rather than monitor from afar, which they may come to feel is an invasion of privacy. If you start this conversation now, it'll hopefully just become the norm for the coming years.

The parents who think they don't need to check their kids phone are sadly mistaken. It doesn't matter how trustworthy your child is,it's other people who aren't.The apps targeted at teens aren't designed to protect them.Of course keep the conversation ongoing but let them know that there will be times that you will want to take a quick look.
It's bc you love them,not bc you are overbearing.

Random checks, bolstered by the fact that we have never said that the phones are theirs. They are family phones, they are just allowed to use them.

DD (nearly 16) can't download any app without our consent so we know what is on her phone. DH sat up TikTok for her and ensured it is set to private.
Instagram - the rules are - no friends she doesn't know in real life. Photos can't show her face or any other person unless said person is tagged.

We stopped going through her WhatsApp a year ago but do remain the right to check if we are concerned.

Only 12 here but no Snapchat and no TikTok (including blocking the URL so she can’t follow links sent by friends to it), no social media at all. WhatsApp groups only with people she knows. Time limits on apps and phone shuts down at 9 bar Spotify so she can listen to music in bed. Random checks (though haven’t done one for a while).

Similar to @slamfightbrightlight plus Qustudio, blocking app downloads and careful setting of privacy controls on WhatsApp and Insta. Have said no to Snapchat and TikTok. And phone becomes a podcast/music playing device only overnight.

I will loosen up when asked, based on doing my research about what is age appropriate (common sense media, internet safety day etc resources are useful for this).

And we keep talking, as whatever I do, I can’t control what is seen on friends’ phones, which seem to be largely unlocked and unsupervised.