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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

IS CUSTY AROUND, I NEED HELP1

41 replies

stickyj · 12/02/2008 12:23

Custy, I have a really difficult letter to write to my son and could do with some input, if you're around

OP posts:

Original poster

stickyj · 12/02/2008 14:16

Oh god, you just made me cry! I keep wavering between wanting to smack him and put him on the naughty step (he's about 6'1") and wanting to hug him and keep him safe. I can't throw him out into the arms of someone worse, you're right, because as my mum said to me, once you shut that door it's very hard for people to come back. They have to grovel and teens don't, do they?I will never say never to him, 'cos he's my child but I feel he has to know how much pain, anger and sadness he's causing.

OP posts:

Tortington · 12/02/2008 14:33

not two weeks ago i had an early start as i was working in London that day.

I gave 18 yo ds a lift to the station - but i didn't have any change for a coffee

so i gave him my card and pin number and said " quick son run to cash machine so i an get a brew for train"

and he did

which i thought was nice.

so i got my brew and gave him the change - 6 or 7 quid - gave him a wink ( cos you can't kiss em in public) told him i loved him and popped onto train.

v. next day

i noticed £20 missing from my account.

instantly i knew

i phoned him from work and had much loud shit fit calling him all ungreatful bastards under sun.

then he didn't come home that night.

dh eventually found him walking around

i didn't speak to him

the next day he said sorry

i said " right"

he knows its the shittiest thing in the world to do. what good is it me doing the oy vey how could he routine?

but things ae back on track now - i can only consider it a hiccough in the situation.

it sounds like you have a much tougher job and you are doing bloody great

Original poster

stickyj · 12/02/2008 14:40

have yours ever done anything really, really bad and is it 'cos I'm a wimp and hate getting into fights that my ds does? At least yours has a cpnscience, I really wonder if Ds does. It worries me that he's so desperate for a "fix"/gamble that he'll steal from his siblings. I wish I could trun back time..What do you think I could say to him that would really shock him/let him know how I feel? Maybe the black sack of clothes will be enough. I have just found (sorting out the study) my poetry book, which I wrote for each child when they were born and I was so proud of him then. Just realised that I haven't written a poem for No 4 yet. He was born just as ds went off to Disneyland with his dad and even then, most of my thoughts were on ds1 'cos he was away for two weeks and I didn't want him to feel left out about the new baby.

OP posts:

Tortington · 12/02/2008 14:49

not your fault.

you canbe hard or soft - makes no mind, once they fall in with he wrong crowd - there is nothing you can do.

hopefully this job will give him some maturity - save up so he can get hi ownplace when he is 21

maybe focus his money on driving licence, lessons and a car

the insurance alone should takemost of his wages?

not your fault

i know your mourning him at the mo - but one day thins will come good

Original poster

stickyj · 12/02/2008 14:54

He had a proper job for abou three weeks, spent all his wages straight away and also got a loan on next months from his boss! His dad will get him a car, he has to save up half. TBH I'm glad he can't drive at the moment 'cos god knows where he'd be then. He's always looking up cars on ebay and moaning he hasn't got one. He's had driving lessons (paid for by his dad)but we've got a people carrier and a peugot 406 (both on their klast legs) and the insurance to let him practice is enormous. If he's got his own little runaround, fine but he's looking at £5k jags and rovers...living in cloud cuckoo land 'cos that's what he thinks suits his lifestyle. It scares me how much bullshit he comes out with.

OP posts:

Tortington · 12/02/2008 14:57

i really think you ned to have words with his dad.

giving him everything on a plate isnt helping

why work when your lifestyle is like that?

Original poster

stickyj · 12/02/2008 15:05

His dad left for my best friend) when ds was two months old. He's tried to make it up with cash and treats ever since. He loves ds to bits but they are so alike they clash. ex has brill job, loads of money (which he has worked for) but stupid salary ie, 5 times that of my dh. DS has been all over the world on hols, nice clothes, golf/tennis club membership. We've not got loads but have tried to balance this out. He went to posh school 'cos ex wanted him to, should have gone to the local one i reckon. However, ds is one of those kids that want riches now and hate working for it. When he was selling stuffon ebay, he had a card system and was really efficient for two weeks. Got loads of money in and couldn't be arsed to send stuff off. Was using my ebay account and I got blacklisted!

OP posts:

Tortington · 12/02/2008 17:25

i think you can be sure that youare doing what you can

dolally · 12/02/2008 20:23

sticky, for what it's worth (and I'm not Custy!) I think you ARE doing brilliantly.

This is all horrible and traumatic for you. and there's probably no quick solution.

But you are doing everything right and you should have faith in the future.

As custy says, take a breather while he's with his Dad, try not to worry about when and if they fall out. You never know it might last longer than you think!

exasperated2 · 09/05/2008 10:14

I registered on here because I need some help with my DS. I sympathise wiht you so much because I think our DSs must have been twins separated at birth. Mine is currently askignme to guarantor an extortionate loan so he can repay £2800 to a drug dealer he's bought and borrowed money from. He says he will be beaten to a pulp if he doesn't pay up. What do I do? I feel like beating him to a pulp myself. He will never repay the money - he can't live on his earnings as it is....

Tortington · 09/05/2008 11:20

i would call the police if it were my son. even if it meant he faced charges.

exasperated2 · 09/05/2008 11:48

I am thinking of doing but I don't have much to tell them - I don't know who these people are and my son can't or won't show me any emails or texts from him/ them. He is clearly very worried so there may be some truth in what he says about their tactics. Does anyone know what the police's response would be?

exasperated2 · 09/05/2008 12:03

I've just rung them. They don't seem terribly interested.... arrrrgghhh

mrsruffallo · 09/05/2008 12:08

If it is financially viable for you to help him then I would. But I would also make it clear that it was a one off and that he has to pay it back to you- something every week, no matter how small.
I don't see how calling the police would help much to be honest.

Tortington · 09/05/2008 15:31

i would ring again - someone must be interested in a boy who is being threatened by a drug dealer

ask the police if they think that the newspapers would be interested in their lack of committment to your son.

Tortington · 09/05/2008 15:44

bbc advice
raising kids advice
nhs
parentline
addaction
teen drug help dot org

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